Where to start. This race was a big deal to me for a lot of reasons - more than just the fact that I finally broke the 4 hour mark. I pushed myself like I haven't pushed before in a race. A major breakthrough.

This was my fourth marathon - I've done Marine Corps, Chicago, California International over the past years - one race each year. Each year, my times have steadily gone down: 4:45, 4:29, and 4:10.

I decided that I wanted to finally break 4 hours. I did Eagleman in June, and Half Vermont Journey in August. I took about two weeks off after HVJ, then started to ramp up training for Philly. I just started a new job - I graduated from law school last year and I finished my clerkship in August, so I was making the transition to firm life while training. Also, I got sick at least twice during training: once in early October (causing me to miss the LBI 18-miler, one of my favorite races), and then again in late October. In late October, I finally broke down and went to the doctor, who diagnosed a sinus and ear infection. After that, I got better quickly, but training for this race was limited. I did several 16 milers, one 19 miler, and one 20 miler. I also raced the Seaside Half Marathon in October, where I ran a PR - 1:51. I think I would've been under 1:50, but my ITB protested mightily for the second half of that race.

ANYWAY, I went into Philly slightly undertrained (by my calculations). But, I told anyone who would listen that my goal was to finally break four hours. In a way, I became accountable for my goal.

I haven't set a time goal like this before. Normally I have ideas - what could happen on a good day, what I would like to happen. But not a GOAL that I throw myself at on race day. I believe that the goal made all the difference in my race.

I picked out the best "race" outfit I could for the occasion - all in black. I thought of myself like some sort of stealth ninja. Black compression socks, black tri shorts, black shirt, black gloves. I wore white arm-warmers from Sugoi that had mini-skulls on them. The outfit alone made me feel intense and focused.

Ok - the race itself! My plan, at first, was to stick with the 4:00 pace group through the first half, then knock it up a notch and hopefully bust through the finish somewhere around 3:55. However, when I got to the corral, I noticed that the corral system was very disorganized. There were tons of different colored bibs standing around the 4:00 pacer. I really did not want to get caught up in a ton of people who were in the wrong place. So I made a quick, last minute decision to join the 3:50 pacer.

So, I started off with the 3:50 group. I stuck with them for the first mile or two, but they went out WAY too fast. Seriously, they were holding 8:20-8:30 for the first few miles, and I knew that I couldn't pull that off. So I backed off, and reminded myself to run my own race - to stay within myself.

My mantra for the first half was: "This is the pace I can run all day." I repeated that to myself over and over again. It really wasn't true: I didn't really believe I could hold an 8:50 pace all day, but that's what I was doing. I eventually caught back up to the 3:50 pacers when they slowed down a bit: I caught them probably by mile 8 or 9. I decided to hang with them as long as I could.

I held with them, and we went through the half around 1:55 - right on target. So many people pulled off for the half-marathon finish at that point. I stuck right on the heels of the pacers. I stuck with them through about mile 19. There was a little out and back over a bridge, and then another little out and back through Manayunk.

I kept with them around the out and back after the bridge, but couldn't hold the pace through Manayunk. I know those weren't real hills, but I was getting tired and they looked daunting to me. I walked a few aid stations through that stretch.

After mile 22ish, you're back out on the long road back to the city. I don't really remember the details here, besides being in a ton of pain, thinking how dumb it was to run a marathon, and deciding that I would never do it again.

Somehow, I really stuck with the pace. Still generally holding between 8:50 and 9:00. I tried walking through an aid station, but it just made it that much harder/painful to start running again, so I stopped doing that.

I thought I was going to throw up by mile 24. Plain and simple, I felt sick. But I stuck with the pace. I was doing the math in my head at this point, and I knew I could be under 3:55. That kept me going.

Last mile - I was grim. I should've been smiling at least, since there were so many people cheering, but I was determined.

As I came into the finishing chute, I saw the clock ticking down to the four hour mark: 3:59:xx. I knew that I was about 7 minutes ahead of that because I started in the grey corral, but I still kicked in HARD to beat that clock. I did.

I barely remember finishing. I got a space blanket, a medal, took a couple of pictures. Sometime around then, I realized that my leg was bleeding: chafing so bad on my thighs that I literally had blood running down my leg. I could barely walk and still felt like throwing up. But I did it.

Found my boyfriend, almost cried.

I don't know what else to say - it seems silly to say that this was a life-changing race for me. But today, that's kind of how it feels. It wasn't just about beating that four-hour mark. It was more about the part of my mind that I finally accessed - the part of me that would do anything to achieve a goal that honestly, I've known for a while that I could reach. I could've run under 4:00 last year too. I just wasn't there mentally. I am now.

I hurt today (chafing is still miserable, and I have a quarter-sized blood blister on my heel). But I RACED yesterday in a way I haven't before. So it feels good.

Nothing.

Found my boyfriend. Almost cried. Definitely got choked up. Wandered around trying to find the gear-bag pick up. Hobbled back to the car. Passed out and let BF drive me home.


Nothing.