Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 33)

Hey everyone,

It's been a while. I'm mostly doing OK. Had more changes in meds which has really helped.

Regarding the dating. After my wife died, I did match.com. But, my attitude wasn't that I was looking for a mate, a long term relationship or a hook up. All I wanted to do was meet new friends. I was single, 40 with 3 young kids full time, so didn't figure anyone would want that kind of baggage. Plus, after 18 years of marriage and 4 1/2 years of watching her waste away, I wasn't ready for a new relationship. I did make some new friends off of match, so it wasn't a total loss.

Then I responded to a small ad I saw, and ended up in a dating service where you pay up front for X number of meetings with people. They do an extensive profile of likes, dislikes, etc, then use the computer to match you up. I talked to a couple of people on the phone who didn't impress me. Then, the first woman I met I ended up marrying. I was the first man she met through the service as well. Funny though, I'd only paid for 8 meetings -- she'd paid for 30!

If your up for it, you might consider trying the 'for pay' dating services. It worked for me.

Take care all,

Greg

You told them about me trying to order coffee without coffee in it, and sugar without sugar, didn't you?!  

At any rate, I know I'm a smart, funny, likable guy, once you get to know me.  But the numbers don't lie, as far as my success rate on getting first dates.  But whatever, I am happy being alone, at least most of the time.  Maybe someday I'll find love again, but I'm not holding my breath.

Well things are ok here...just thought I'd check in.  I had a good thing happen...that seemed like a bad thing.  Last year the provider for my psychiatrist and therapist (I liked both) stopped taking my mental health insurance.  Found a different place (much farther away) and started seeing a psych. nurse practitioner.  I saw her a few times, but really wasn't appreciating her.  (She almost blatantly said that one of the reasons why I'm so tired and depressed is because I'm overweight...)  So anyway, I did some more searching and found a psychiatrist about the same distance, but in the other direction.  Set up an appointment and got in fairly quickly because of a cancellation.  In about 30 minutes, he diagnosed me with something different than anybody else had.  Bipolar II - which could explain my constant fatigue never got better with anti-depressants (alone) - because the wrong thing was being treated. 

So it's been about 2 months now since my anti-depressants have been decreased and mood stabilizer increased...I'm not sure I see a difference in my fatigue (which is my big indicator) but I'm also not up very high on the mood stabilizers yet - and haven't been for long.  But Bipolar II has been interesting to read about.  It's a "newer" designation and takes about 10 years to diagnose because it masquerades as depression.  So while I realize everyone else with the depression label may, in fact, have depression of some sort...I just suggest paying attention to your mood for any hypomania periods.  Any periods of time that you feel great - too great - for me I didn't need much sleep, ideas came fast and furious, urge to spend more money and my sex drive was increased.  (Sadly, I didn't really mind any of these things...)  Those periods didn't come often or last long...

Anyway - I'm on a new adventure!  I hope everyone else is getting out and enjoying the end of winter...!

Checking in.  I've only posted in here a couple of times.  I was in BAD BAD Shape over the holiday's.  It's mid March now and I am happy to report I am 100% better.  I'm an alcoholic who relapsed for the first time.  Since then I have found two great meetings that I actually look forward to going to, and my first real sponsor.  

Life is good again!   (Except for two herniated discs I am currently going to Chiropractic/Physical therapy for).  But I'll take it as long as I'm sober...

Hey, I haven't posted in this thread yet but I figured you guys might be the best people to ask this question to.  For those of you that are on meds, how long did it take you to figure out the best one/combination?  

I've really been struggling with finding one that works without bad side effects.  I have tried zoloft, which I was on for 2 years, but it made me feel like I was constantly on too much caffeine and have trouble focusing.  It helped with my depression/anxiety though, but once I got into grad school I couldn't afford not being able to focus anymore so I tried switching.  My Dr then put me on cymbalta, which I tried for ~6 months, but I had terrible insomnia and constant headaches.  So at this point I'm on wellbutrin, which really works for the depression (doesn't touch the anxiety though), but it makes me shake like a leaf.  Because what I do requires some fine motor movements, I feel like every day I have to decide between shaking and ruining experiments, or taking the beta blocker my Dr prescribed that helps the shaking, but really messes with my ability to train.  So after this many years of this, I'm getting frustrated because I feel like I'm stuck with having no medicine really help me without some crappy consequences.  I was wondering if anyone else has had to deal with these issues and how they got through it, or any advice.  

Thanks!

Cafenervosa- That's great that you found something that works for you! Especially without having to do the trial and error and side effects of prescription meds.  And its hard getting through injuries without having depression problems.  The first time I realized I had a legitimate problem with depression was when I had a hip surgery and was in pain and couldn't run for a year.  Having too much free time + being in pain + being on opiate based pain killers which made me feel out of it seems to be not a good combination for me at least.

Lkct01234- I wanted to thank you.  I listened to what you said and went back to my doctors, told them I was fed up with my current treatment and that all my antidepressants I've tried have made me not sleep, feel jacked up/overly caffeinated, and racing thoughts.  So she put me on a mood stabilizer, seroquel, and cut back the wellbutrin and I feel great already.  Before I felt like I was choosing between being depressed or being overly anxious, but I feel great now!  

Anyone get panic attacks?  I have been getting them pretty bad for the last month.  I had them before, a long time ago but never this continually.  Breathing, distractions, and other methods seem to help but there is always a lingering feeling.   Went to my PCP and he said I am not having a stroke or heart attack.  But this stuff feels so real!  Thinking of going to a neurologist just to sooth my crazy mind.  What are your thoughts?  Thanks!

Dude....you have it right there in your sig.  That which does not kill us makes us stronger.   Hang in there Ted.  It happens to everyone time to time.  Espeically just around April 15, but I digress.

Breathing, distractions, etc are working for you.  Go with it.  Dont let the bogey man stick around.  Its false fear man, you know that.  Stay the course Ted, youre strong.

That is a great link.

I love your new profile pic and how appropriate!

And to TED ... {{MELON PRESS}} panic attacks SUCK. I really hear you. The feelings are real, but the fears are not ... it has helped me to accept the feelings and that I'm feeling that way and know that it will pass, and ride it out. I don't have to act on it / feed it /etc.

This may be a terrible way of putting it, but there have been, and now rarely are, times (and you have seen me go through them, thank you for your hand and your light as always ) when I really feel suicidal. But I'm not going to ACT on them or actively dwell on them. I accept that I feel that way, and that it's okay to feel that way, and it does pass. And feeling that way, too, really really does suck.

Whoa...I kinda feel for you.  At one time I had no health insurance and tried to get it through Blue Cross Blue Shield - I got denied.  However - there should be some low cost health care - both mental health and physical health in your area.  Call your psychiatrist's and doctor's office and ask for any practitioners they know that work with low income/sliding scale.  (I'm guessing that's you...)  Some offices will work with you dependent on your income - they will charge less.  And if you explain your situation - they should WANT to help!  Do this ASAP!!  (Could also call your county health department and ask...)

Teddie - I'm sorry to hear that your having panic issues.  I have to disagree with ChicagoMan - I don't think this is a HTFU situation as he seemed to be saying.  I think this is a deep breath - attempting - and using your best coping mechanisms to deal with it.  Any idea what triggered it?  Change in medication? Anything you can "fix"??  I have only had a few panic attacks in my life...so I can't say I completely understand the feeling - but I understand feeling helpless.

I think it's funny(ironic) about Yanti's statement. All the doctor's always ask "And do you have thoughts about suicide?"  It's like "Yeah...who doesn't?  That isn't normal?!!? I thought that was a normal part of life...hmm...."  (And like her - I have thoughts, but will not act on them...)

Erin - I am SOO glad to hear your doc listened!!  It's sad that sometimes a person can find out more information about what is wrong with them then their doctor.  (Although I always have to be careful about the whole "medical-student syndrome" - you read something and then you're convinced you have it.  Reminds me of Jeff Foxworthy's "joke" - (To his wife) You do not have testicular cancer. You don't even have "testiculars"!)  

I don't want to tell everyone who has depression that it's not depression - it's Bipolar II - because that is NOT true!  Not for everyone...but getting the right diagnosis taking 10+ years?!?!  That isn't good either :-/ 

Good luck!!  Keep us posted!

Thanks Lisa.  I am actually not offended by ChicagoMan's comments because, I believe if I can figure this out I will become stronger.  Right now it is just the unknown.  I am pretty sure this is a culmination of months of tension, stress, worry, being sick etc.  It just had to come to a head and here it is.  I have had panic attacks before, but they usually just come and go.  So to have them continue like this concerns me that there may be something else going on.  So then you start worrying about that and things escalate.  It is a vicious cycle.   The funny thing about panic attacks (if there is one) is that you feel like you are going to die, have a stroke, whatever, and then NOTHING.  Which would be great if that was it but then you (or I) start worrying about why you had that happen and it starts again.  I am doing some breathing exercises that seem to work.

Thank you to Yanti who is the epitome of strength to me!  Thanks to everyone who will listen to my whining!

Ted

kruzmeister - 2012-04-13 5:53 PM Hi everyone, not sure what the go is here, do I just introduce myself or lurk for a bit? Finding training really hard at the moment, I have bipolar II and anxiety and I guess like everyone it effects training and motivation to train (and live) on occasions. I find the tough times very lonely cause I really don't have anyone to talk to about them, other than my therapist, who obviously cannot always be there for me. And friends, well they either run for the hills, ignore me, or want to try and "fix" me. Somedays I guess you just need to know you are not alone.

Simone,  you are not alone

I am sorry to hear that you are having a tough time and that it is affecting your motivation to train. I know for me how valuable the training can be, and when I start to feel things heading downhill, I start panicking and worrying and....  Good for you for recognizing that and reaching out! 

I am actually just getting 'back' after a rough period and have done a few workouts, and am feeling better both physically and mentally, and even a few weeks ago  recognized that just getting through things one day at a time would bring me back to a more healthy 'place' .  Hopefully, you,  too, are able to recognize that one day at a time gets you through.

Welcome, and best wishes for continued progress 

kelly

Thanks Kelly, I too try to live by the motto of one day (moment) at a time, which has helped me push through difficult periods on more than one occasion. I've only been training since November, did two races at the end of our season (I live down under) in Feb and March and now have to wait till Sept when the season starts again. I have definitely found having a goal helps focus my wayward energy and I'm thankful for that. I guess the hardest thing for me is not beating myself up on days where I just cannot muster the motivation or energy to train.

I'm happy for you that you are feeling better for your workouts, I love that feeling of when everything starts to click and feel good again. Good on you for bouncing back and I wish you many great workouts and moments from here on in! Thanks so much for the welcome