Becoming Sober (Page 4)

Tyler - you have a great attitude! Life happens when we've made other plans and part of getting sober entails learning how to deal with living without heading to the bottle, drug or whatever. It can be very hard - esp. in the beginning. As someone suggested, get some numbers to call or get a list of meetings to get to etc... stay plugged into your support network because EVERYONE will do their best to help you.

One thing that was very helpful to me early in sobriety was the "The Twenty Four Hours A Day" book put out by Hazelden.  Here's a link to a daily reading: http://www.hazelden.org/web/go/thought_24hrs. I read it every single day for at least 2 years. 

Just started reading this thread today and want to say kudos to all of you who have and/or are grappling with addictions!! It takes *so* much courage and grit to take that first step of admitting that you don't want to keep doing what you've been doing and that you need help to make some changes, and then just as much of both to keep yourself on track. WOW, you all, just WOW.

Tyler, good for you for being so honest with yourself and with us about your path. I'm really, really proud of you, especially of your determination to not let your dad's health issues get in the way of you getting sober. It's hard but as you've already seen, BT is a great place for lots of support. I'm glad to hear that you're finding support elsewhere as well. You deserve all the support you can get.

I'm keeping you in my thoughts, friend.

((hugs)) m

Tyler, you opened up an interesting vein here on BT.  Thanks.

Question for sober folks: what about anti depressives?  I've heard that depression and alcoholism are linked and anti depressives may help folks stay sober.

Also that was an interesting thought nugget on the previous post - can't remember the poster's name.  The rest of you have had some great input -  thanks.

Well when your life is falling apart you tend to be depressed. I won't comment on the legitimate use of anti-depressants for those that have a legitimate need for them...but personally... I stopped trying to find a fix in a pill. I generally don't agree with therapy that says my problem is this substance, but I can fix it by taking that substance... but that is just me. Better living is not through chemistry.

Alcohol is a depressant. So, if you are depressed - not sad, not bored, but DEPRESSED - alcohol feeds the depression.

Anti-depressants are meant to counter the chemical loop that occurs when depression persists for too long. There comes a point at which the brain continues to produce the chemicals which keeps you numb; the shutoff fails. Use of the anti-depressant is meant to counter this fail.  The idea is that eventually you won't need the anti-depressant because the brain will eventually stop producing the chemicals which maintain the depression. Of course, the cause of the depression needs to be addressed, not just the symptoms.

My general, layperson's take on anti-depressants.

When I was in training, we were taught that since alcohol is a depressant, you should not start antidepressants until a person was sober (and maintaining sobriety - at the time, the rule was applied to any addiction) with depression. However, the research since then has shown that if a person is depressed, you should treat the depression concurrently with the addiction to improve the odds of success of both conditions being treated.

When I worked in a rehab, they were just coming to terms with the idea of treating psychiatric conditions with meds. Not long before that, there were some recovery communities that argued that you should never use any meds for anything. Literally. As in no meds for heart disease or hypertension, since those are also sometimes consequences of active addiction as well. 

The middle road approach is, as often is the case, the best. If a person is depressed with suicidal ideation, an aggressive approach is warranted. Nothing gets better if you are dead. OTOH, I treated plenty of people in early recovery who told me that they were just getting to understand their emotional life, and had no idea if what they had been calling "depression" was not just the direct and indirect effects of the drinking on their lives. In those cases, it made sense to wait and see before adding meds. Other people saw a clear connection between becoming depressed and hopeless, then picking up, leading repeatedly to relapse. In those cases, it made sense to treat the depression.

The idea that meds will stop you from having feelings, or are somehow "happy pills", is wrong. 

Here is an analogy to explain what I am saying. The brain is an organ. So is the liver. Both have jobs to do. Both are adversely affected by alcohol, both in the short and long terms. If you have only damaged the organ a little bit, it may well recover by itself, with proper care (diet, healthy habits, etc). But if you have damaged it enough, it will not be able to recover by itself. In the case of a liver, you might need to replace it. But since you cannot replace the brain, the best you can hope to do it is to reverse the damage long enough to see if it recovers on its own or needs lifelong care.

Also, we should not forget that other mood disorders (and psychiatric conditions in general) can still occur. Bipolar disorder requires lifelong medication management. To dismiss this in addiction (and you should only diagnose it if mania occurs during a period of sobriety) with a comment like "I stopped using - why should I use chemicals to control my emotions/moods" is dangerous. Mood disorders, when active, lead to relapse (both at the low end and the high end if you feel invincible). They also can lead to suicide. Sometimes, better living IS through chemistry. (To the broader idea that using tends to make your life a mess, which leads to depression, that is a valid POV, and in the absence of suicidal ideation, again, warrants a cautious approach to meds in early recovery)

I agree Gear... anti-depressants are not happy pills. I would encourage anyone I knew to seek help in finding answers to questions if they felt they had other problems. I'm not the one to answer that. And I certainly agree that when one finds one's self in a burning building, the first priority is to get to safety by any means. Monday morning QB'ing on if they used the best route is irrelavent at that point. I do understand there is not one way for all people. I applaud anyone that can improve their life and find some happiness regardless of the path they take to get there.

I have also seen the other side too though. Seems like in the last few years there appears to be an epidemic of bipolar disorder.... seems like everybody that walks through my doors is "dual diagnosed" and on a whole host of meds because they are bipolar. Does not really add up when they are no different that anyone else.

In chemically dependent people, there is a drive to "fix" their problems with pills.... and instead of admitting what the real problem is, they rationalize that there must be "something else" and spend a lot of time finding the right doctor that will get them on a ton of meds instead of dealing with the real problem. I have seen plenty relapse from that mentality too... when their prescribed coctails do not work they go back to what they "know" does... instead of just accepting the fact their problem is their chemical dependence and dealing with it.

I do realize that is case by case and in this area there is no way to paint everyone with a broad brush. Plenty of caring proffessionals out there doing good work and you certainly seem to understand the difference. Personally I have had doctors more than willing to send me out the door with a hand full of scripts, and others that were all too good at calling a spade a spade and calling me on my B.S. We find what ever we seek.

I appreciate your reasoned response. And I agree on the issue of the "epidemic" of bipolar disorder (which is even worse in kids, my area of expertise and a whole other can of worms). Which is why I don't like to consider the diagnosis unless the mania is in a period of sobriety (and it better be truly mania, not "mood swings", not "bad days", not "upset", or a host of other normal responses, especially in people actively using or in withdrawal). And if it takes more than 1 or 2 meds to stabilize outside of a hospital setting, the diagnosis should be closely re-examined.

Hello All!

I went to 2 meetings so far this week, and I also started back with my therapist.

Things are goon on my end, one day at a time!!

{{MELON PRESS}} and one day at a time, indeed.

Glad to hear it! Keep up the good work! ((Hugs))

That's very good to hear :D

Awesome, I went to a new meeting this week too.  I really liked it.  I met a man there that was in town for business and still came to a meeting, I thought that was pretty cool..  He has been sober for 9 years..

One day at a time for you and your dad...

He goes in for surgery next Friday.  From the way it sounds, it's fairly routine.

Him and I had a heart to heart the other night about my sobriety and it really opened my eyes.  

My brother, who I live with is having a party tomorrow night for his birthday at our house.  I have made the decision to leave the house for the weekend and go spend it at my dad's.  My brother was very supportive of that, which made things a lot easier.

Again, I can't thank you all enough for what you have done.  Reading your stories really helps the days go by.  I look forward to having this thread to come to when I need to.

That sounds really good. One side effect of a clear head is better relationships with those you love.

And see... that's how you do that! With a clear head I can make decisions on how I want things to go. If all I do is "play it by ear and see what happens"... well for me that strategy did not work out too well. I don't do what I do today because I'm freaked out I may screw up tonight. I do what I do today to keep the life I love going next year. It's a choice. Keep doing the next right thing.

That's awesome, great news on both your sobriety and about your Dad.... and your Dad and you having a talk about it.  It's always great to get a helpful outside view from someone you trust and respect.

Also, a very good idea on leaving for the weekend.  It's as simple as "why put yourself through it?".

Keep it up, you are headed the right way 

Oh HEY if it's stories you want ...

Talking to Dad, scooting out for weekend, being honest with bro ... that's what sane, sober people do. Super kudos. I did not do those kinds of things in early sobriety, which is why I was in early sobriety for about five years (!) ... no need to go through that.

As for me, I'm taking a big trip from Indonesia to Australia soon and I have some meetings lined up there and some sober contacts (plus I'll be staying in touch with support here at home). I've never had a problem traveling and staying sober, but I'd rather set myself up for success to begin with, plus meetings for me serve many purposes, all of them good.

Just an FYI if you ever need or just feel inclined ...

You can download/listen to AA speakers at http://xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=category&id=2

I confess to listening to them on the trainer ...

Also, there's 24-hours chat and several online meetings a day at: http://www.recovery-world.com/Alcoholics-Anonymous-Chat-Rooms-10.html

All the best to you, Tyler. You and your Dad remain in my prayers.

Dude! So glad to hear you are doing well and that your dad is ok.

I lost my dad a couple of years ago to cancer but am so glad we really got to know each other after the both of us sobered up. Priceless and this is the stuff that makes life so beautiful.

Keep the faith and hope alive! It gets better! I swear!

Hello Everyone!

Terrible day at work today, but overall an amazing weekend spent with Dad.

Triathlon training starts tonight!!!

Atta Boy!  

Life is good in sobriety ... from the inside out.

Happy trainings!