They Who Shall Not Be Named (Twisnibbins) VIII (Page 51)

For longtimes I have read Just-James with great wistfulness, wishing that his endless luck in lotteries, magic formulas to make money out of dog poop, multiple orgasms, etc. etc. could be mine.

Well, I have discovered the cure for the common cold.

It does, however, involve obtaining a bear.

Speaking of bears, fin has some amazing pictures you must not miss.

And once you have the bear, you have to make Bear Whip: for a perfect example, see greatwhitebear.

So you ask, "how the hell is Bear Whip a cure for Rhino Virus?" (That's a cold. I just learned that.)

Bear with me.

The nice thing about having a whipped bear is that he (or she, one can have girlybears too) will service you whenever you need it, however you need it. And when you are ailing from cold, YOU NEED IT.

I already detailed on 3/13/05 that colds are Dubya's fault, although as governments go they never do anything about anything, so don't look for any help there.

I also detailed on 2/02/05 that what I am describing is essential for heart health, so this medical advice is a lifesaving TWOFER.

Yes, ladies and gentlebears, what will save your heart and your congestion is none other than ORGASM.  (See, I knew I could get your attention!)

This is not news, but I don't see it reported often enough.

First of all, a little cardiovascular effort will help break up and move along your, uh, secretions.  Of many kinds.  Furthermore, you'll then be thirsty, and you'll drink, so that will also help hydrate you and thin out and move along your secretions.  The rush of hormones and other biotransmitters released during sex, but especially orgasm, are natural decongestants, and you don't have to pay any money (okay, well, you don't if you have a convenient Whipped Bear).  Also, the release of endorphins, which are similar to opiate narcotics, will, as narcotics (like codeine and vicodin, etc.) suppress your cough.

WHO KNEW??? Now everybody go out there and get yourselves a bear. And whip it. That way you'll have a whipped bear, a healthy heart, relief from cold, and your heart's desire all in one wonderful warm furry package.