Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)

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2006-03-26 1:11 AM

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Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
So, most of you know I met a girl, and we have been spending a lot of time together. So last night, we were having a fun night (drinking some good wine, talking and such) and then she told me that she thinks she is being sexually harassed at work. It’s not a big company, no HR department. The harasser is the CEOs brother-in-law. I could tell she was upset, and I told her “that she should feel uncomfortable at work, period.” She told me that she was most likely going to leave the job, and find something else. She also made me promise not to bring it up again. Any advice? Run4ya aren’t you HR (or is it just I've seen u suggest it…) should I just leave it alone? I just feel that if I don’t give her good advice to fight it, its like me letting my sister stay in an abusive relationship. Maybe I'm just to protective…


I need BT bounce….


2006-03-26 6:33 AM
in reply to: #379562

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Elite
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In my bunk with new shoes and purple sweats.
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
Tread carefully Ty. Could be she was plying you with booze, playing the sympathy card, all in an effort to get you to transport her to the bonezone. Chicks are crafty dude.
2006-03-26 6:49 AM
in reply to: #379562

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Master
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Savannah,
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
Yah, it takes a whole lot of craftiness to get a man in bed.
2006-03-26 7:38 AM
in reply to: #379562

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Elite
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Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)

First.... document, document, document.  Every time something that she considers harassment happens she needs to put it in writing.

Next, she needs to make it exceedingly clear that the advances are "unwanted".  If she sits down with the guy and says, straight up, that he's making her feel a bit uncomfortable, then chances are he'll back off.

If they continue much longer (and after a few cases are clearly documented and preferably witnessed) and after it has been made exceedingly clear that she is being made to feel uncomfortable, she should go to the CEO.  

bts 

 

2006-03-26 8:31 AM
in reply to: #379562

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Giver
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Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)

No...I'm not HR, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night...

But what Brett saud, and if it continues after she makes it clear the guy's advances aren't appreciated, she should see an attorney. 

2006-03-26 9:22 AM
in reply to: #379562

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2006-03-26 12:23 PM
in reply to: #379585

Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
gullahcracker - 2006-03-26 6:33 AM

Tread carefully Ty. Could be she was plying you with booze, playing the sympathy card, all in an effort to get you to transport her to the bonezone. Chicks are crafty dude.


gulla, are you serious? didnt even think of it in that light...

your kidding right?
2006-03-26 12:24 PM
in reply to: #379638

Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
Lara - 2006-03-26 9:22 AM

If she doesn't feel comfortable taking these steps and would just rather find another job that's her choice. 


So its okay, to just let her leave her job?
2006-03-26 12:27 PM
in reply to: #379638

Champion
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Albuquerque, New Mexico
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
Lara - 2006-03-26 9:22 AM

Simply being 'uncomfortable' at work is not grounds for sexual harassment.



No, simply being in a situation that would make a "reasonable person" uncomfortable is all it takes for harassment.

2006-03-26 1:46 PM
in reply to: #379585

Expert
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South Bend, IN
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
gullahcracker - 2006-03-26 6:33 AM

Tread carefully Ty. Could be she was plying you with booze, playing the sympathy card, all in an effort to get you to transport her to the bonezone. Chicks are crafty dude.



The Bone zone... And I always called it the Hump-a-lympics.

Sorry to hijack.
2006-03-26 1:56 PM
in reply to: #379705

Veteran
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Joplin, Missouri
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
McFuzz - 2006-03-26 12:27 PM
Lara - 2006-03-26 9:22 AM

Simply being 'uncomfortable' at work is not grounds for sexual harassment.

No, simply being in a situation that would make a "reasonable person" uncomfortable is all it takes for harassment.

Yes, but the uncomfortable person still has a responsibility to make their position known- particularly if this happens with peers.  When her job is threatened or it is quid pro quo- then she has a responsibility to proceed to her supervisor or beyond.

If she chooses to leave her job rather than face the process, that remains her choice. Unfortunately there are pigs out there that make it nearly impossible to do that.

Tyrant- tread lightly.  Your desire to help your friend is admirable.  Your need to save her may be detrimental.  Good luck!

 

 

2006-03-26 4:59 PM
in reply to: #379705

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2006-03-26 10:46 PM
in reply to: #379833

Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
Lara - 2006-03-26 4:59 PM
I have no idea how old she is but I'm guessing early 20's.. 


29, but your point is valid.

my concern is that i dont want to pressure her, but if i just leave it alone is that okay (as someone who cares about her).
2006-03-26 11:19 PM
in reply to: #379731

Master
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The real USC, in the ghetto of LA
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
suziq_623 - 2006-03-26 1:56 PM

Your need to save her may be detrimental. 


are you saying that if i pressure her? so its better to let her handle it?
2006-03-27 12:03 AM
in reply to: #380046

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2006-03-27 7:46 AM
in reply to: #380058

Buttercup
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Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)

tyrant - 2006-03-27 12:19 AM
suziq_623 - 2006-03-26 1:56 PM Your need to save her may be detrimental. 
are you saying that if i pressure her? so its better to let her handle it?

It's better to respect her wishes. Her life is not yours to manage, regardless of your (good) intentions.

2006-03-27 9:39 AM
in reply to: #380156

Elite
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Muskego, WI
Subject: RE: Sexual harassment, serious (not my last post like it…)
Renee - 2006-03-27 7:46 AM

tyrant - 2006-03-27 12:19 AM
suziq_623 - 2006-03-26 1:56 PM Your need to save her may be detrimental. 
are you saying that if i pressure her? so its better to let her handle it?

It's better to respect her wishes. Her life is not yours to manage, regardless of your (good) intentions.

I agree with all of what was said, but the most important thing is what she said.  Since it is bothering you I agree with past posters that you just throw up your hands and say "listen, I know you asked I never bring this up, but it's bugging me.  Please know that I am here for you and will help you in any way I can.  Can we talk about it?"  

If she says no, then just let her know again that you'll respect that,  but you are also willing to help her and she can bring it up again anytime.  Then drop it and do your best to be done with it unless she brings it up again.

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