this thread is of a sexual nature

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turqy

2005-07-24 2:30 PM

Extreme Veteran

563

Allen, TX

Subject: this thread is of a sexual nature

yeah so i started sleeping with my tri training parter after we went to a club and got drunk. it would seem its not one of those "oops young and stupid" things either, she is apparently all for it even when sober. however i'm one to look down the road of life and i can definately see some problems with this.

it is important to note that at the club we saw Junkie XL, Paul Oakenfold and Armin van Buuren and it was a most righteous display of incrediblitude.

anybody have any experience with this and any advice?

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nliedel

2005-07-24 5:00 PM

in reply to: #205791

Master

1889

Ann Arbor, MI

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

The only advice I have is that women have a REALLY hard time not equating sex with love. If you are not into this long term then you may have some issues on your hands and I am glad I am not you.. well since I am a woman and all.. Oh sure every now and then there is one of us that really means "All I want to do is have sex and we can be friends and have sex and not screw things up" and maybe we tell ourselves "Just sex is all we want" some of the time and really mean it but most of the time women are wired to equate the two. I know there are women here who are not like this and I applaud them but most of us are hard wired that way. It protects the species. Same reason a man is a... well bull in heat till he decides to settle down and maybe not even then (btw that does not excuse crummy behavior).

I too can see problems with this.. big uns.. So the question is this. Is she just a training partner or is there potential for something more there? I don't have to hear the answer but you should probably let yourself in on that pretty soon if you haven't already.

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crpadiem

2005-07-25 2:47 AM

in reply to: #205791

Master

1275

Sonoma County, CA

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

turgy, turgy, turgy, ahhhhh my dear man....

first i sense this isn't just a one-time, had-one-too-many-after-a-hard-days-training-and-damn-didn't-she-look-hot-in-her-tri-top-moments....but rather, b/c I read "I started sleeping with", which, my female brain took as you are doing more than once even when not drunk and thinking in your blurred drunken haze how hot she looked in earlier noted tri top, has become a regular thing.

So, it sounds like you're sleeping together in the plural.

But, I digress....I feel you both view this differently.
clues to me are....
"she is apparently all for it even when sober...."
while you alas feel....
"I can definitely see problems with this...."

ergo...(at least in my interpretation)
she's ready to see where this goes and thinks you two are on the road to relationship....
meanwhile you really sound out of your comfort zone...and I sense maybe more b/c you sense her "let's go down the road to relationship!!!" and may not be there vs. you knowing that you just want a roll in the hay.

Then again I may be wrong.

Having expounded on that.....
my only advice....just be honest...with her and more/most importantly with yourself (which, then, in turn would benefit her)

Great music aside, and I for one can attest to those tunes that hit the brain, touch the groin and make me do things I've regretted or at least pondered with a "What the F***?" in the morning, gather your sober wits about yourself and make sure you're being true to yourself....

I'm sure she's a great girl b/c i mean, hell, she's a triathlete, right....for pete's sake, all us tri girls ROCK! BUT, if it's obvious to you you're both on different training rides then be clear about that.

Other than that, no more advice, which, although you asked, after reading this, you may now regret.

As for similar experience? Have I dated tri-boys? yes. Has this happened? no. Have I been friends with non-tri boys and something similar has happened? Yes. and I've been on both ends. And when I was on your end I had to stay true to me and make sure my bed buddy was clear and when I was on her end I reallllly appreciated knowing where he stood.

Good luck. And regardless....KEEP TRAINING!

Edited by crpadiem 2005-07-25 2:49 AM

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thegoddess

2005-07-25 5:48 AM

in reply to: #205791

Master

1932

Savannah,

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Be honest....say what you mean and mean what you say.

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Stake

2005-07-25 8:32 AM

in reply to: #206076

Master

1597

Colorado

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Dude, I realize you are getting plenty of wordy advice from the ladies. Allow me to offer a man's perspective:

Rock on my Brother!

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Renee

2005-07-25 8:36 AM

in reply to: #205791

Buttercup

14334

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Why ruin a perfectly good tri training partner by having sex with them?! Sex is everywhere but a reliable triathlon training partner is a rare commodity! Think, man, think!

My advice: Fall on the sword. Tell her "Wow, you are really hot and I really enjoyed our horizontal rhumba but I don't want to change the nature of our relationship; I'm sorry I misstepped. I blame the alcohol, my overactive libido and your very, very hot body. I'm really, really sorry. I really value our friendship and would hate to lose it over something like sex. Please see me as your friend, training partner, and not a lover!"

Good luck with that. And be nice to her!

Not all women equate sex with love - I certainly don't.

p.s. They are all of a sexual nature.

Edited by Renee 2005-07-25 8:56 AM

newbiedoo

2005-07-25 8:58 AM

in reply to: #205791

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Congrats on the nookie!
I'd have to agree with nliedel on the sex/love thing with girls. Still, do you think you can be stright with her and just ask if she's ok with a friends with benefits arrangement? Depending on the timing, the realtionship, etc., sometimes even girls are cool with that. If she's not, then just asking her would set the whole thing straight -- she'd certainly know where you are coming from, and she'd be able to drop any illusions.
And hey, it happens. Sounds like she's a good friend -- remember that and maintain respect, be honest, and it should all work out.

Frances

nliedel

2005-07-25 9:04 AM

in reply to: #206131

Master

1889

Ann Arbor, MI

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Gotta agree with Renee, no friends with benefits here, you could mess up a good thing.

I know not all women do that Renee. Some don't, a lot do tho.

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cristin1124

2005-07-25 9:26 AM

in reply to: #205791

Extreme Veteran

412

las vegas

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

you know how they say, don't s*%t where you eat? for triathletes it should be, don't s*%t where you train. it's bound to be ugly.

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jmf-tt

2005-07-25 9:32 AM

in reply to: #205791

Extreme Veteran

321

New Jersey

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Junkie XL, Paul Oakenfold and Armin van Buuren...must have been awesome music ripping out of the speakers...not too mention X. Your young she's young?, why is committment and future even on the table..have fun whether that means keep going or ending it....

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kimj81

2005-07-25 9:51 AM

in reply to: #206131

Pro

5153

Helena, MT

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Renee - 2005-07-25 6:36 AM

(Assuming "she's all for it" means that she wants to actually have a relationship.) If you guys are really, really good friends, you might be able to say this and get away with it. I drunkenly made out with one of my best friends once (but I didn't sleep with him, which may have made things different). The next morning, we talked about it and I held my cards closely as I generally do. He wanted to be just friends while I could have stood more. We went with just friends. The next few meetings were a little awkward, but now we continue to be really good friends. However, if we hadn't been such good friends to begin with, I may have just bagged it and walked away.

(Assuming "she's all for it means she wants to bone you more.) Go with it, depending on whether or not you want a training partner for a long time to come. Actually, you may be short a training partner, one way or the other. When a woman actually just wants to do it, she may take it hard when it's the guy who says no. We tend to think that our naughty bits are omnipotent and irresistible.

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turqy

2005-07-25 10:42 AM

in reply to: #205791

Extreme Veteran

563

Allen, TX

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

stake: word.

jmf-tt: agreed. we are both college students and i don't see this rocking the foundation of either of our worlds anytime soon, so why not go with the flow?

all you women folk: thank you very much for your input. i was hoping i would get a swarm of female replies since i obviously know how it is from the guy's point of view. i don't think i'm gonna fall on any kind of sword and i don't think i'm gonna take any action. the question was posed, "why ruin a perfectly good tri training partner?". well thus far nothing is ruined, and i propose the question, "why ruin a perfectly good **** buddy?".

when i originally posed this question the other day i had serious doubts over whether she was going to be able to keep things as we had originally intended, which is to say a non-relationship format. i spent several hours with her last night and i'm pleased to say she definately looks like she is the kind to keep T3 and some silly puppy love feelings seperate. we both enjoy being friends, we both enjoy training together (which is not sexual at all. we both have really high goals and workout like pros almost every day of every week) and we both enjoy this new path we've taken. they are so far not blending together and i think things will stay that way. if the water does get a little murky i'll take a step back reprioritize with her letting her know how things really are. i am not the type to lead a girl on or present false hope of something so if need be i'll have the talk with her.

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Renee

2005-07-25 12:02 PM

in reply to: #206322

Buttercup

14334

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Mike, when you said "she is apparently all for it even when sober... however i'm one to look down the road of life and i can definately see some problems with this" I assumed you meant this was a problem because she wanted more and you wanted less.

If she has no problem with it, and you have no problem with it... what are you writing to Dear Abby about?

In the immortal words of Janice Joplin "Get it while you can." And quit vascillating when you do get it.

misscullen

2005-07-25 1:04 PM

in reply to: #206322

Sydney Australia

Subject:

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smokeater1833

2005-07-25 4:50 PM

in reply to: #205791

Master

1462

Michigan

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

Just get to the point with her, is it sex or does she want more. She probally wants more, but if she does not then SWEET.

cerveloP3

2005-07-25 8:17 PM

in reply to: #206058

Expert

783

South Bend, IN

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

crpadiem - 2005-07-25 3:47 AM

turgy, turgy, turgy, ahhhhh my dear man....

first i sense this isn't just a one-time, had-one-too-many-after-a-hard-days-training-and-damn-didn't-she-look-hot-in-her-tri-top-moments....but rather, b/c I read "I started sleeping with", which, my female brain took as you are doing more than once even when not drunk and thinking in your blurred drunken haze how hot she looked in earlier noted tri top, has become a regular thing.

So, it sounds like you're sleeping together in the plural.

But, I digress....I feel you both view this differently.
clues to me are....
"she is apparently all for it even when sober...."
while you alas feel....
"I can definitely see problems with this...."

ergo...(at least in my interpretation)
she's ready to see where this goes and thinks you two are on the road to relationship....
meanwhile you really sound out of your comfort zone...and I sense maybe more b/c you sense her "let's go down the road to relationship!!!" and may not be there vs. you knowing that you just want a roll in the hay.

Then again I may be wrong.

Having expounded on that.....
my only advice....just be honest...with her and more/most importantly with yourself (which, then, in turn would benefit her)

Great music aside, and I for one can attest to those tunes that hit the brain, touch the groin and make me do things I've regretted or at least pondered with a "What the F***?" in the morning, gather your sober wits about yourself and make sure you're being true to yourself....

I'm sure she's a great girl b/c i mean, hell, she's a triathlete, right....for pete's sake, all us tri girls ROCK! BUT, if it's obvious to you you're both on different training rides then be clear about that.

Other than that, no more advice, which, although you asked, after reading this, you may now regret.

As for similar experience? Have I dated tri-boys? yes. Has this happened? no. Have I been friends with non-tri boys and something similar has happened? Yes. and I've been on both ends. And when I was on your end I had to stay true to me and make sure my bed buddy was clear and when I was on her end I reallllly appreciated knowing where he stood.

Good luck. And regardless....KEEP TRAINING!

OMG!!!! WTF was this? Here's the deal....
Is she hot? Do you like her? Ok.. Other than liking the sex, do you like her? Is she hot? Do you bounce quarters off her glutes? Do you guys drool over the newest carbon fiber TT frames together? Is she hot? Sounds like magic to me.

My Race Log

rkreuser

2005-07-25 8:52 PM

in reply to: #206507

Champion

6627

Rochester Hills, Michigan

Gold member

Subject: RE: this thread is of a sexual nature

- 2005-07-25 2:04 PM

turqy - 2005-07-25 8:42 AM stake: word. jmf-tt: agreed. we are both college students and i don't see this rocking the foundation of either of our worlds anytime soon, so why not go with the flow? all you women folk: thank you very much for your input. i was hoping i would get a swarm of female replies since i obviously know how it is from the guy's point of view. i don't think i'm gonna fall on any kind of sword and i don't think i'm gonna take any action. the question was posed, "why ruin a perfectly good tri training partner?". well thus far nothing is ruined, and i propose the question, "why ruin a perfectly good **** buddy?". when i originally posed this question the other day i had serious doubts over whether she was going to be able to keep things as we had originally intended, which is to say a non-relationship format. i spent several hours with her last night and i'm pleased to say she definately looks like she is the kind to keep T3 and some silly puppy love feelings seperate. we both enjoy being friends, we both enjoy training together (which is not sexual at all. we both have really high goals and workout like pros almost every day of every week) and we both enjoy this new path we've taken. they are so far not blending together and i think things will stay that way. if the water does get a little murky i'll take a step back reprioritize with her letting her know how things really are. i am not the type to lead a girl on or present false hope of something so if need be i'll have the talk with her.

Hey, I love your cavilier attitude. But it will get messy.. just a matter of when... "Just training partners with benefits" na-uh.. not gunna work.. one of you is going to end up bitter as all hell.. but hey! we've all been there.. you gotta learn this one for yourself... Enjoy it while it's good