SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL

This is one of my favorite emails ever..
thought I'd share


SOUTHERN vs. NORTHERN FOOTBALL

Women's Accessories:

NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.

SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara, and a fifth of Captain Morgan/Crown. Money is not necessary that's what dates are for.



Stadium Size:

NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.

SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.



Campus Decor:

NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.

SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.



Homecoming Queen:

NORTH: Also a physics major.

SOUTH: Also Miss America.



Cheerleaders:

NORTH: If you are slightly coordinated, you make the varsity squad.

SOUTH: You begin cheer camp at age two, complete with ballet, dance, & gymnastic training.



Getting Tickets:

NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus and purchase tickets.

SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on campus & put name on the waiting list.



Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:

NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game, because they have classes on Friday.

SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see the few hung-over students that might actually make it to class.



Parking:

NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for game parking.

SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday for the weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.



Game Day:

NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.

SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes over to where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave to the people up north.



Tailgating:

NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to Local radio station with truck tailgate down.

SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthew's' Band," who come over during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.



Getting to the Stadium:

NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk right in.

SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes thestate's third largest city.



Concessions:

NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.

SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup with the home team's mascot on it, filled less than halfway with soda, to ensure enough room for Captain Morgan/Crown.



When National Anthem is Played:

NORTH: Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them stand up.

SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part harmony.



The Smell in the Air After the First Score:

NORTH: Nothing changes.

SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of Captain Morgan/Crown.



Commentary (Male):

NORTH: "Nice play."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."



Commentary (Female):

NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."

SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."



Announcers:

NORTH: Neutral and paid.

SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a tear in his eye because he is so proud of his team.



After the Game:

NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.

SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker. While somebody goes to the nearest package store for more bourbon; planning begins for next week's game.