COJ additions to my race report

Well, I did my first tri this past weekend.  My race report is here:
http://www.beginnertriathlete.com/discussion/forums/thread-view.asp?tid=82746

Here are the applicable COJ insights not included there:

I shaved my legs and head (head = very short, but not bald) for the first time.  I shaved legs at a friends house.  First I clipped them with my goatee trimmer just sitting on the edge of the dry bathtub, and it looked like I had gotten a haircut.  Just a note, clippers should not be used while one approaches whatever the male equivalent of the bikini line is.  It looks like I got f&cking attacked by a racoon up there!

I then hopped in the shower and lathered up with my wifes shave gel, and went to town with her razor.  She apparently replaced the blade the next day.  I was bleeding all over the place, especially on my achilles/ankle area, and those two ligaments on the back of your knee.  I went ahead and got some "smoooth as a baby's butt but it was my butt" action as well.  I have to give you girls (and men too) credit, shaving legs aint easy.

I did rub lotion on my legs afteward, and I think I enjoyed it a bit too much.  At a UFC party later that day, all my friends (guys and girls) couldn't keep their hands off.  I got in a closet with 4 girl friends, and their husbands/boyfriends were reaching in and trying to guess which one was their spouse.  Good times.  I realize now that I missed a golden opportunity being in a closet with 4 women, but my wife is glad I'm clueless like that.

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Moreover, although I have read the book "everybody poops" some time ago, I still find there to be nothing quite as disappointing as witing in line for the row of porti-pots, and when I get to the front of the line a VERY attractive female triathlete comes out of one, which becomes mine.  Upon entering said lavatory, lifting said toilet seat, I see that she too is nervous about the race.  Like I said, I know it happens to everyone... but man was I disappointed.  I think there should be mens and womens porti-pots... or at least a separate one for hot chicks only so there rest of us don't have to know.  Hmmph... I feel sorry for the race volunteer who gets the job of being the boucer at that porti-pot... sending away women because they aren't hot enough to poo here, they need to poo over there with the rest of the common folk (I include myself in that category).

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If you are even slightly overweight, tri clothes are just not flattering.  I am speaking only about myself here, as I'm of the "more power to them" pursuasion for others comfortable in their little outfits.  But my wife snapped a pic of me guzzling some fluids in T1, and I swear it looks just like a gatorade poster except my sweat is not colored and I HAVE A BEER GUT.  Heck, I've lost 27 pounds since March, and I'm not that overweight... but I have a long way to go from looking good in that thing.

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On a 5 mile run, which was supposed to take me 40 minutes, I actually thought to myself, "this will be faster than if I tried to catch up on TAN since the last time I checked in."  If races are faster than reading a single thread in COJ, I'm either really fast or we really do not do any work while we're at work.  I think we all know which one it is.