#Me too

What's #metoo without #metoosoon

OMG. Can't. Unsee.

That's just a typical day in the men's locker room.

As the token female and non-conservative who hangs out here occasionally, let me try.

The #metoo movement has allowed women to speak up who might have never felt comfortable admitting that they have been sexually abused. As a woman who has been treated inappropriately in multiple situations, seeing thousands of people on facebook post #metoo, alone or with a story, made me feel less ashamed of those situations, and more likely to discuss them and what a proper reaction might have been. As a young woman in college, and even more recently working in a very male dominated profession, I have had situations that made me extremely uncomfortable, but felt powerless to say much about them. Being sexually harassed can be a very shameful experience, and most of them women I know who have been assaulted have been either afraid to report it, not wanting to relive it by pressing charges, or dismissed by people in authority who could have helped them. As a woman, knowing that has always made me feel reluctant and ashamed to call out minor harassment when it happened. As a result of this movement, I know that I am far from alone, and that my feelings are justified. I will speak up next time. And that, to me, is the point of the movement. 

Seems to me there has always been an HR department in most companies that people could file a complaint. I think the reason many woman don't is because they are willing to put up with some inappropriate behavior to move forward with their careers.

No. Just no.

Absolutely not.

I know multiple women who have reported unwanted sexual advances to HR, and been ignored, made to feel it was their fault, or even disciplined. Have you read the allegations against Matt Lauer? HR knew. They swept it under the rug. It happens, unfortunately, a lot. If the awareness this movement brings will make that less of a reality for some women, I'm all for it. 

And no, just no, on the idea about putting up with inappropriate behavior to advance a career. That right there is the WHOLE POINT of the #metoo movement. No woman should have to "put up with" something uncomfortable to move forward in her career, and if we all speak up together as a group, hopefully it will become less acceptable for men to behave badly in the workplace, and more women will feel emboldened to speak up when this happens. 

Last, what about the rest of us, who don't have an HR department to go to?

The next joke might be ever more inappropriate. If you don't say anything it implies consent. Or at least the man infers consent. I've seen this. I've make slightly suggestive joke and have been met with great laughter and also been met with a blank stare that said, "no, not appropriate" and they never had to say a word. So then I knew, stay away from those types of jokes with this woman. I don't mean that in a bad way. It's just that we all have different values and standards. 

The idea here is to be responsible and not make uninvited inappropriate comments. When you made that joke and that woman gave you a blank stare, you damaged your relationship with her. She respects you that much less, and she may be that much more uncomfortable around you moving forward, whether she feels comfortable telling you so or not. If you think it *might* be inappropriate for the workplace, how about not saying it? It's possible to be a funny guy without making sexual jokes.

Those minor things suck. They really do. In the past year, I left an opening fearing for my safety after a gallery owner who wanted to show my work made a very unwanted advance on me. It was an important show, and I lost out on the chance to sell to my collectors that night because this guy thought he'd just see what might fly with me. I didn't have anyone to go to, I'm the boss. Sadly, I suspect guys like him will see this movement and think "so what?" just like you are, but I hope it will change the conversation just a bit. I hope my daughter has to deal with less of this BS than I have. 

Maybe instead of worrying about how inconvenient it is for you not to "join the banter" you could worry about how inconvenient it is for people to be harassed, assaulted, or raped and feel as if there is no recourse.

I don't find this remotely offensive, I would probably laugh too. Yes, there's sexual connotation there if taken the wrong way, but you aren't harassing Wanda. And yes, some people might not find it funny, but I don't think anyone could call it harassment.

Harassment is when you make a suggestive comment TO Wanda. It's when you joke directly to her and her coworkers about her as a sexual object. It's when you make sexual jokes ALL THE TIME to the point that she feels uncomfortable around you and threatened. Yes, there's a grey area, but your story here shows me that maybe you're a little bit innocent about the kinds of comments women have to deal with in a professional setting. It's a joke of a sexual nature, which could indeed make someone super prude a bit uncomfortable in the workplace if it was constant and got out of hand. But it doesn't involve harassing someone of the opposite sex. 

Also, I don't buy the "boys will be boys" argument. I worked in engineering for 7 years and traveled extensively with all men. We hung out in airports together, had dinners after work, had happy hour drinks to do business. I was usually the only woman. Not ONCE did any of these men say something that made me uncomfortable. Two companies, different bosses, and many clients over the years, and every man I worked with treated me with respect and dignity. I can't say the same about men I've encountered in my current career path, but there are a hell of a lot of good men out there. And excusing the bad ones by saying "boys will be boys" is insulting to the good ones. 

I suspect you are one of the good ones despite the fact that you don't "get" this movement. I suspect you don't "get" it, because you aren't quite aware of the sort of BS women have to deal with, because you would never do something like that to a woman. 

Apples and oranges. 

When I watched this last night, I thought of this post and the assertion that women don't report abuse because it might benefit them in some way. If you can find the time, please watch a few minutes of Kyle Stephens victim impact statement from the Nassar trial. It's heartbreaking, but very powerful. The amount of cover up that was done to protect this man makes my stomach turn. 

https://tinyurl.com/yc95ejtv

Watch it. Maybe you'd understand this movement a bit better.

Weinstein... You're making it sound like you think the women were the problem, not him. Sigh... Yes, I suppose there are a handful of women out there who work the system for their own gain (there are also "good" Christian women out there who voted for Moore in Alabama, and I'm baffled by that as well). But in my experience, they must be a tiny percentage of women - I haven't met one, yet, and I've been working for 20 years. I don't know a single woman who would sleep with her boss to get ahead. I *do* know multiple women who have turned down advances from a superior to the detriment of their career. 

You keep bringing these women up like their existence is the explanation for the problem of sexual abuse. Why? Do you really believe that just because there are a few women with bad values, sexual harassment and abuse are a construct made up by the rest of us just to put men down or something? I promise it's not. 

Watch the video. This poor girl's parents didn't believe her. They told her to apologize to Nassar. The same man who has now been accused by 150 women and was sentenced to 175 years in prison because he is THAT guilty. These were children, not grown women. And their experiences were swept under the rug. That's why women don't report these crimes. Because it's humiliating, and shameful, and why bother when no one will believe you?