Monday funnies

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before
an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ..Can we get
naked now?.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency,
duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.


N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him

Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid term exam. The last question was "Name seven advantages of mothers milk." worth 70 points or none at all...

One student who had also partied the night before, was hard put to think of seven advantages.

He finally wrote:

1) It is the perfect formula for the child
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.

3) It is always available as needed.

4) It is always at the right temperature
5) It is inexpensive
6) It bonds the child to the mother, and vice-versa.

Then, the student was stuck. Finally, just before the bell indicating the end of the test rang, he wrote:

7) It comes in such cute containers.

He got an "A