serious issue

I hate to say it, but she is right-you will grow apart. If you're enjoying what you're doing, there is no reason to stop. However, people like this make me angry, because as it seems from your post, she has nothing stopping her (injury, medical problems, etc.) from putting the food down and getting off the couch. My EX was the same way and our problems only got worse. I'm sure there are other people on this forum who are dedicated athletes and their spouses are not and they make their marriages work. I am not one of them, I am like you, the addictive personality. However, if you don't mind the way your wife is, then fine. I suggest your motivate her to join you for light workouts. If she doesn't want to, then I don't know what else you can do and she will have to deal with the consequences. You should not change your new lifestyle for her.

BTW: I'm not one to give out this kind of advice and don't mean to sound harsh. But I just got out of a relationship exactly like this and obviously have some anger about how he let himself become a beer drinking fat couch potato. I can't make my relationships work with people who aren't into sports like I am, I am just telling you my opinion.

OK, you asked for it.  If you are considering for one second that you will give up on your efforts to improve your health just to make your wife feel better, you need to say that out loud to yourself once so you can see how it really sounds.  Not too good, huh?   I don't mean to sound harsh, but your wife is the negative in this situation, and I think you can see that.  If she says it will take over your life and she will not be part of your future, what she is really saying is that she is unwilling to be supportive of you while you attempt to improve the quality of your own life. My husband does not swim, or bike, or run, and he is not a vegetarian (as a matter of fact, his diet sucks), but he is a grown man, that is his choice and I respect that.  Just as he respects my choice to do what I see as being best for my life.  Not only respects it, but goes to all my races and cheers and takes pictures, brags to all his friends,  and takes vacation time to play SAG wagon on my long bike rides.

Only you can say what compromises you are willing to make to keep peace in your own marriage. People make sacrifices for the sake of marital harmony every day of the week that I do not understand.  Although, since you say you will be "bulking" up after the September race anyway, it does not sound like you are all that commited to this lifestyle change, either, which is really too bad.

I think the real problem is that she is confronted with your active lifestyle which is at odds with her sedentary lifestyle. She is being confronted with your fitness and sees the reflection of her lack thereof. This is not about you; it's about her.

Having different interests will not drive the two of you apart. Her lack of honesty about her issues is what will drive her away from you. She needs to grow up and get real.

Good luck and KEEP TRI'ING!

Good point! I commend your for changing your lifestyle with our without children. I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks its her issues.

I have to say I disagree. Growing apart is not inevitable at all. There will be some change in your relationship, but it can be for the better. The key, IMO, is to put as much work into your relationship as you do into tri training and to have her on board and open to it (of course, you can't control that). The other key, is that she finds a hobby she's passionate about.

I was totally in your wife's shoes once. My boyfriend started playing Ultimate Frisbee about 6 mos after we got together (he'd played beforehand, but had just moved and didn't have a team yet). He's on a serious team. They practice 3 times a week for ~4 hrs each time,  travel to tournaments for the whole weekend 1-2 times a month and get together to hang out a LOT and the season lasts 6 months or more. He was spending as much time with them as with me. I was pissed. It was so aggravating. I didn't tell him, "It's me or frisbee next season," but I was darn close. Well, the next season started up and I discovered tri-ing. Suddenly, Frisbee is not an issue at all.

"Get a hobby" doesn't sound so good to say, but it's important that she does (definitely don't say it, my bf said that to me once when I was bitching about Frisbee and all hell broke loose! LOL!). You should also make sacrifices to so it has less of an impact on her. Train in the morning while she's asleep, for instance. Try not to make her feel bad for not being as fit as you, because even if unintentional, this is easy to do. Let her know that you're still attracted to her and don't think she should become a spindly endurance athlete-looking woman. Just be understanding and keep training. I think she'll get on board sooner or later.

Yeah, having been in her shoes, I agree. It's a resistance to change, but life's always gonna change so you have to learn to adjust. Some advice my Dad gave me when my Mom started getting into church a whole lot, "You never know how your spouse is going to change once you're married. Be prepared for that." When you marry someone, you're not just marrying that person at that moment, you're marrying whatever they might become.

Perfectly said. Your Dad is a genius. So the point is, when you pick your mate it is non-negotiable that they must be someone who will love you and support your efforts to be the best you that you can be,  no matter what, and you must do the same for them.  In 12 years, my husband has never once said a discouraging word to me about one crazy thing I have ever gotten it in my head to try.  And whether it worked, or whether I scrapped it and went onto something new, I've never been made to feel guilty or selfish for any of it.  It's a rock solid foundation of  "I think you're a great person. I love and respect you, and whatever you do to make you happy with yourself has my full and total support".  I feel like everyone deserves that, and I hate to see people settle for anything less.  That's why I didn't get married until I was 30.  I saw the first time (at 19) what's it's like when someone's only goal is to hold you down.  I escaped 5 years later with only a tiny little spark of self respect that would not be extinquished, and two children to support.  And I swore no matter what I had to do to keep us afloat, I would never settle for that again, even if it meant I died single.  Woopsie, soap box alert!

Excellent! Music to my ears.....