Monday Morning Funnies

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tupuppy

2005-07-11 9:29 AM

COURT JESTER

12230

ROCKFORD, IL

Subject: Monday Morning Funnies

Personal Story from This Morning:

Planned on doing a ride on the trainer in the living room, then depending on my mood do a short run after. So I slide the bike (already in the trainer) in front of the tv and set up the tv tray on the left side (need a place to put the remote while I ride). So I get the shoes on and lock in on the left side and get on the bike. As I'm trying to get the right shoe locked in I hear a POP and start tipping to the left (recall, left foot already locked in and tv tray is on my left). DOWN I GO!!! IN THE FREAKING LIVING ROOM!!!! I hit the floor, know I woke up the wife and sure enough as I'm sitting there wondering WHY that happend she appears from the hall and asks if I'm okay. Oh yeah, just a wounded pride. (At least when I hit the ground I hit the babies musical toy and had music playing while I sat there.) A FREAKING BIKE CRASH IN THE LIVING ROOM!!! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!! Well, I figured I didn't fully lock the back wheel in after last Thursday rode ride. Get the trainer and bike vertical, pick up the tv tray and bent the crap out of that.

After 30 minutes on the trainer I decide to run and while running on the side of the road, Yup, I rolled my LEFT ankle!!!!! Gimped about 100 feet and then started running again. Happy it wasn't a bad ankle roll.

Since I am LEFT handed and all this crap was LEFT based I've decided that when I WHIZ today I'm doing the right handed hold.

SHEESH!!!!!

My Race Log

tupuppy

2005-07-11 9:33 AM

in reply to: #194651

COURT JESTER

12230

ROCKFORD, IL

Subject: RE: Monday Morning Funnies

For the Ladies:

THE WASHCLOTH

There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this!

I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in "that area" to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away.

I was a little surprised when the doctor said, "My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?" I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal... some shopping, cleaning, cooking, etc.

After school when my 6 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, "Mommy, where's my washcloth?" I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, "No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it."

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Dog Pet Peeves about Humans:

1- Blaming your farts on me...not very funny at all.
2- Yelling at me for barking...I'M A FREAKIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!!!
3- Taking me for a walk and not letting me check stuff out...whose walk is
this anyway?
4- Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose.....STOP IT!!!
5- Any haircut that involves bows or ribbo ns....Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6- The slight of hand "fake fetch throw"....you fooled a dog..... what a
proud moment in your life this must be for you.
7- Taking me to the vet for the " Big Snip" and acting surprised when I
freak out the NEXT time we go to the vet!!! HELLO!?!?!?
8- Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests... Gee...I
haven't quite mastered the handshake yet!
9- How you act disgusted when I lick myself...Look... we both know the
truth...you're jealous!
10- Dog sweaters......Uhhh...have you noticed the stuff on me
called.......FUR ?

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Another for the Ladies:

Subject: FW: Interesting study by UCLA

A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For instance, if she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his butt while he is on fire.

Further studies are expected...

My Race Log

2005-07-11 9:55 AM

in reply to: #194651

Subject: ...

This user's post has been ignored.

Gatsby

2005-07-11 4:57 PM

in reply to: #194651

Extreme Veteran

511

Minneapolis, MN

Subject: Spelling in not important

Spelling is not important

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azmanig huh? Yaeh, who siad slpeling was ipmorantt.