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2005-08-15 10:19 AM

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Queen BTich
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Subject: Monday Funnies

I thought someone would have started this by now..so here it goes:

For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.  

Here's why:

The population of this country is 273 million. 140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school.

Which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government.

Leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin Laden.

Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14.8 million people who work for state and city governments.

And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.

Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And there you are sitting on your ass, at your computer, reading jokes.

Nice, real nice.

2005-08-15 10:35 AM
in reply to: #225394

Elite
2458
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Livingston, MT
Subject: RE: Monday Funnies
bahahaha. Shutup and get to work. Your country needs you!

2005-08-15 11:47 AM
in reply to: #225394

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Expert
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Longview, TX
Subject: RE: Monday Funnies
21 CLUES A WOMAN SHOULD CALL IT A NIGHT>

1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my butt while
yelling WOO-HOO is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly believe
I could do it.

4. In my last trip to "pee" I realize I now look more like Tammy Faye Baker
than
the goddess I was just four hours ago.

5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. burrito on the fast food floor,
pick it up and keep on eating it.

6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them
Sooooo much.

7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work

8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me

9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing
or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep
them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me
Just lemonade, but that's just because I can no longer taste the vodka.

14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the
Kitchen floor.

15. I start every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take this the
WRONG WAY but...

16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be standing)
and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the zipper down on my pants to cut down on the
Time I'm in the bathroom away from my drink.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm having
problems
walking straight.

21. I start believing that everyone in the room wants to see my boobs.
2005-08-15 12:54 PM
in reply to: #225394

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COURT JESTER
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ROCKFORD, IL
Subject: RE: Monday Funnies

I started a Monday Funnies a while back for got busted on internet usage, so limited time at work.

TODAY'S INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHT

Some people are like Slinkies ... Not really good for anything......But
they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight
of stairs.
2005-08-15 1:07 PM
in reply to: #225394

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Queen BTich
12411
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,
Subject: RE: Monday Funnies
wait? you can't play on BT that much anymore b/c you got busted at work?
2005-08-15 5:51 PM
in reply to: #225394

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Extreme Veteran
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Lafayette, CO
Subject: RE: Monday Funnies
What kind of manager would do that?? A$$holes.

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