HRM HELP!!! I am so confused!!!!

Okay, I've spent the last few hours surfing the web for information and reviews on HRM's and it has only served to further frustrate me. Foot pods, WIND sensors, GPS enabled, self determining training zones, watches that tell you what to do and when to do it, on and on and blah, blah, blah. So I thought maybe some of you hardcore people on BT could help me spend my money! Warning, I am a noob with HRM's, so be gentle...

I am thinking I want three main things - HR (obviously), GPS, and calories consumed.

I want GPS on it for two reasons on runs - I need to know my pace because I have difficulty gauging it and I need a way to really know how far I've gone. My run sucks and I am hoping to use this along with my heart rate to push myself harder (figure if I chart my run distance vs HR I will be ashamed of myself and push more). I do a lot of training under trees, so hopefully the GPS would work under tree cover.

As for HRM features, I don't know that I need all the fancy computerized help software that I see a lot of in the Polars, do I? I was thinking all I would need is to know my average heart rate, max, and instant heart rate. I would think I could manually determine when to start pushing again when doing HR intervals, or is that a pain?

And then there is the whole calories burned thing. I'd really like to know what I'm burning off in training as I am always hungry and suspect I am not putting in enough compared to what I've burned off. But I've heard and read that the calorie counters on any HRM is suspect.

I also want an interval timer as I do timed intervals on both the bike and the run, but as long as it has a clock on it I could probably manage.

Polar recommended the RS800CX Multi but I am confused on what in the world the G1 WIND sensor is and if I need the foot pod thing. I've read that the foot pod is grossly inaccurate if you don't have a consistent stride which I do NOT have, especially as I run a lot of MTB trails. After looking at the price I wonder if Polar isn't just trying to shove their most expensive item on me. Looked at the FT80, but it sounds so complicated with the software that tells you what to do.

I've also looked at the Garmin 305 and 310. I like the idea of being able to wear the 310 when I swim, but from the sounds of it neither the HRM or GPS will work in the water anyway so what's the point. I've heard the Garmins are great at GPS, but the HRM can be sketchy.

So, after all that, can anybody help point me in the right direction to spend my money?