Is this what it's come to?

I have 2 daughters and would have had a nice discussion with my child about why they didn't respectfully respond to the gentleman. 

Maybe something inappropriate happened in the the father's or the kid's past? Maybe they are both grade A dbags? Hard to tell since civility and common courtesy are both hard to come by these days.

The father was definetely out of line and i can imagine how uncomfortable the other member most have felt.

Kids are only welcome in the daycare area where i workout, but if a kid would come inside the locker room i would make sure to keep a significance distance or leave if there wasnt anyone there to avoid situations like that.  Unfortunately there are so many horror stories that parents sometimes tend to get that way and as a consequence  a child can interpret something normal as wrong.

It would seem that this is, indeed, what it's come to...

I remember a while back, in a McD's with my daughter, a guy a couple tables away asked my daughter a question. She looked at me, and I told her it was okay to answer. So he asks another one, and I'm fine with it. Then he asks who she likes better, her mom or her dad. That's when I shut it down immediately and told him he has no business asking ANYone that kind of a question.

But... I also remember taking my daughter to daycare one day (actually before-school care for preschool), and as I was signing her in, she went into the gym. I hear "There's XXXX, get her!" As I came around the corner, she's got herself pinned against the wall, and another kid is headed straight for her on a tricycle. I step in front of him, stop him physically (stopping the tricycle with my leg), put my hand on his shoulder and politely tell him that it's completely unacceptable. I then get yelled at by the daycare worker, and called into the office that afternoon... Because I stepped in where the daycare worker wouldn't.

She was out of that school in 3 months.

Devil's advocate here:

The Father was over-protective, as per what you observed, and he over-reacted; however, we do not know much about the Father, do we?  I won't propose certain "what if" scenarios, but, it appears that the Father TRULY believes, that in this day and age, it is totally inappropiate for an adult to approach a young child unattended by their parent, ANYWHERE.

Let me give you an example:
I coach youth basketball.  After one of our practices, I took one of the 11-12 year old boys off to the side, out in the open, yet still in view of the head coach (who is also my good friend), to talk to the boy to give him a pep talk and give him encouragement (he's a "husky" kid).
The boy's Dad showed up and was not happy with my meeting with the boy one on one.
Now, I do not know if the Father just doesn't care about me personally, but he was adamant that I shouldn't have one on one meetings with his son anymore.
I informed the head coach (my friend) that it was fine with me, and that I wouldn't go out of my way anymore to work with his kid or to continue giving him positive reinforcement, etc. etc.
Sad, I know.

i'm pretty sure the Y has signs posted in the locker room that that kids under 15 (i think it's 15, but could be younger) are not allowed in the locker room without an adult.  i would imagine it's to prevent issues just like this, and other things.

i certainly wouldn't let my 7-8yr old go into a mens locker room by himself, for multiple reasons.

Your daughters were in the men's locker room and you're worried about manners?

Just curious...why? Why teach a child to never talk to strangers? There are two threats here...one is the VERY unlikely chance that something bad will happen to the child because they chose to talk to someone they don't know. The other (IMO way more likely) threat is that the child grows up fearful, socially awkward, distrustful, and unable to navigate social situations because they were taught not to talk to anyone they did not know as children. I want my children to talk to strangers. I want them to start conversations with strangers and be quick to answer and not fearful when asked a question by a stranger. I am there to offer guidance sometimes and sometimes I am not. I would rather my child has experience judging people and learning how to evaluate situations rather than prevent teach them to be wary of everyone in every situation.

I don't at all mean to pick on you personally. I understand that your way is the majority way. But to say "do not talk to strangers period" prevents children from ever using their own judgment and will certainly discourage them from engaging with people. That WILL play out in adulthood. We don't magically become socially healthy at the age of 18. We become socially healthy through practice.

In the example in the OP, that dad has raised a young child that is completely incapable of handling a situation without direct parental involvement. Do any of us really think social development comes from being conditioned to freeze like a deer in headlights when some talks to you that you don't know?

LOL.  Seriously though I teach my daughters to at least say "I'm sorry sir/ma'am I'm not allowed to speak to strangers." And then leave.  If what may happen in a locker room is that big of a concern to you than you need to accompany the child.  At the age of 8 a kid should be able to get out a time in a polite and concise manner and get out of the locker room if uncomfortable. 

winner, winner, chicken dinner!

The kid is pretty blameless here.  The dad... yeah, perhaps he overreacted.  Who knows what's in his past, though?  Who knows if something already happened to his kid in the past?

Anyway, this is all speculation.  We can all pontificate all we like, but we don't know the entire story.

Erring on the side of overreacting when it comes to protecting your kid is erring on the correct side, I think.

I think it is possible to maintain a "don't  talk to strangers" policy without being a jerk about it. The dad could have told the other person "I'm sorry, but I don't let my kids talk to strangers ever." No name calling or demanding behaviors. If the first person continued to try to talk to the kid, or reacted negatively with their own name calling, then go to the front desk.

I think when people overreact in an emotional fashion, they lose credibility and look more out of control, even when they are on the correct side of a situation.

Sure, of course it is possible maintain such a policy without being a jerk.  And he probably did overreact.

But like I said, we can keep pontificating away without knowing the whole story.  It almost seems like for this dad to react in such a way, it almost implies to me that there's something else at play here.

Alas, we'll never know.

Or maybe the Dad is just a jerk.  

A lot has already been said but just to add, in the case of the kid - he very well could have 1. not heard the question so did not answer or 2. been very shy and so did not answer.

Even as a kid I often had a hard time hearing questions if there was any sort of constant background noise (like water running etc) and I was fairly shy, though not so much as to not politely answer questions but I did know kids who were too shy to do anything.

I would agree the father did not react appropriatly but more than that - who knows?

(also this is why my gym has two locker rooms for each gender. - an adults only and a family locker room. I only use the adult locker room so I can avoid any of these awkward issues. I just have to put up with the naked old guy blow drying his junk)

There's no sign like that at our Y...just a "children over 6 must use gender appropriate locker room."  

I spoke with the swim director folks about the situation detailed in my original post.  Unfortunately there's no perfect solution.  Would a 14 year old have to be accompanied by an adult to the locker room to go to the bathroom during swim lessons/practice?  It sounds unrealistic.  Who's accompanying them?  The coach and the lifeguards can't do it.  Perhaps the younger kids?  The buddy system was a thought I had, but then you have the more likely scenario of bullying or other problems with then 2 kids in the locker room.

Some interesting thoughts in the thread...I liked Tri Take me Away's points about talking to strangers.  Is it okay to talk to all strangers?  Of course not.  Then again, as the kids grow up they see how we as adults address strangers.  Teaching kids how to feel situations out is very important.  Teaching things about personal space, how many adults are around, what is right and what is wrong and how to react in specific situations...and in the end just being there from afar (being aware of who is in the locker room/pool area) are important things as a parent.

I used to coach a swim team and I teach high school I do everything i can to never be alone with a child, male or female. It just is doesn't make sense in today's society to take a risk.

Yes the dad did over react, but if I had been the othr memeber I would have gone to the front desk, or asked the coach.

But, why waste time?  The guy just finished his workout and entered the locker room...he has the idea to swim but knows the pool's pretty busy...you'd literally waste the time to walk out of the locker room to the front desk?  or go all the way into the pool area and bother the coach passing by 20 or 30 kids? (including the kid with the ridiculous father?)  

Of course it's wise to avoid situations in which you are alone with a child to avoid he-said/she-said situations, but this guy walked into a locker room!  He didn't go within 25' of this kid.  I feel terrible for this guy.  In my opinion, if a kid is old enough to know what time his class ends, it's okay to ask him or her when it ends.  To me it's about common sense and common courtesy.