Husband wants to be a firefighter

I'm not one to be giving out marraige advice, so you don't have to listen to me. But my opinion is that you should express your concerns to him, talk about them. If this really is his dream, isn't it your duty to support his decision? I wouldn't want to hold back the person I loved, and if something happened to him on the job at least he was doing something fullfilling that he wanted to do. Not to be too morbid, but he can always have a heart attack or have something happen in the car on the way to his job now. Let him follow his dream (unless you think this is just a little phase, then let him explore it and then he'll probably change his mind).

What does your husband do now? The reason why I ask that is well, all the firefighters I've known as well as cops don't have other jobs EVER. They just seem to be born firefighters or police officers.

I was a police/fire reporter for years which means I spent more time with firemen and cops than many of their wives since I worked the same shift. And almost to a "T" every one of them wanted to be a fireman from birth it seems. It wasn't something they thought about in high school or college. It was something they knew they wanted to be since they were a little boy. It was almost as if you told them they couldn't be a fireman they would look at you and say, "Well, what the heck else is there?" I was so enthralled with them and their lifestyle (I went through the police citizens academy as well) that I toyed with being a cop. It's that addictive. And glamourous as you say. But the one thing I learned is that being a firefighter or cop is more about the mundane daily things (at least in the small town where I worked) than in the exiciting and glamorous things. Cops and firefighters have the unbelievable capacity to tolerate the moronic and grinding side of life. I so admire them for it. And I honestly don't know how they do it without going nuts (hence the divorce I assume). They're relentless in their need to be a firefighter or cop much to the chagrin of family and friends. I've known men and women who take the test two, three sometimes even four times because they can't see being anything else. I guess I say all this to say if your husband is REALLY serious than there might not be nothing you can say to talk to him out of it. But - maybe you should wait a while on your hubby. He might have gotten the addictive side of the life and then after a few months give up. It can happen and there's nothing wrong with it.

But if he continues then you should let your concerns be known so he understands. Because it won't just be HE that is the firefighter, you as a spouse will have to deal with the hours and the stress as well. It's a partnership.

O.

I'll chime in with the dissenting opinion, just because I was in a similar situation with my husband when we first got together 12 years ago.  At that time, he was pursuing the idea of becoming a police officer.  He had actually gotten a job as a maintenance worker at the local police department because where we lived, it helps to expedite the process if you have an "in". That's where he worked when we met, but I did not know his reasoning, to me that was just where he worked. So after we'd been together a while, he started talking about it. I listened to everything he said very carefully.  I came to the conclusion that he wanted to be a police officer because he thought it would be exciting, and interesting, and he'd have the chance to help people, that it would be a way for him to better himself, have a repectable career, make some decent money (although I believe they are still woefully underpaid).  So based on that, what I said was:  "If your father and grandfather and uncles were all policemen, and you had always known you were going to be a policeman since you were a boy, and it was your only dream career, then I would feel like I had to support this decision - because I do not want to ever stand in the way of your dreams.  But after talking this out, I see that your main interest in becoming a police officer is because you want to make something of yourself, something you think is of value.  So I feel that I can freely tell you that I do not want you to make this career choice.  I am afraid that the danger, the stress, the erratic schedule, would put us in danger of not making it, and that scares me more than anything.  I am not so arrogant to think that we are more in love than any of the other couples who've gotten divorced over the husband's career in law enforcement. And I would be worried sick about you every time you walked out the door. So you can ultimately make your own decision about this, but I needed you to know how I felt.  And just for the record, I think that you are worth the whole world, no matter what kind of a job you have". 

So he decided not to pursue it - and it has come up a couple of times over the years for whatever reason, some conversation on related subjects, and he says he's glad he did not do it.  And he subsequently learned a different trade that he is very satisfied with , so it was a happy ending.

That's my story anyway.

Edited by Tania 2005-10-05 2:11 PM

c2fd - 2005-10-05 12:59 PM Ok, well here is my .02 on your dilemna. I ahve been involved in the fire/ emergency medical feild for 26 yrs. Paramedic for 20 and currently deputy. Granted, cape cod isnt boston, NYC or even Columbus but the job is the same when it comes.

1. I think the divorce rate is the same if not less than the "average" of the general population. relationships are relationships-between 2 people. If there are problems then  they can be exacerbated by "the job", but anything for an excuse for the basic problems of a relationship. Make it good by communication, love and give and take.

2. The schedule. Yup, rotating schedule, Plenty of days off in between, but long hours when working. He will work days, nights, some holidays, bsome birthdays, some anniversaryies, etc. What we call-"holiday routine- holiday for them (citizens) and routine for us (f/f's). You will have plenty of time to be together. He does not have to get into the whole 'hang with the firefighters, all the time" but some time will help him at work. Your marriage must be most important to the both of you.

3. Danger- Yup, it can be dangerous.  We laugh and say (no disrespect intended to coasties ) but "If you wanted a safe job, ya should have joined the coast guard" . There is danger everywhere. The modern day firefighter will be well trained and well equipped to handle these dangers. He will be ok. Yes, something could happen. This aint tindle-e-winks championships. But the training and experience will help him thru it.
    The biggest danger for firefighters lives now is heart attacks from being out of shape (not from sucking smoke like the old days) and emergency vehicle accidents repsonding to and from alarms

4. Pay- You wont get rich. If its big money and lavish stuff you guys dig then be a stock broker or real estate. But you will do alright.. The money is good. Overtime helps, but that can be addicting and 'blood money".

5. Get him to take the test, take a class, get his EMT and work on an ambulance part time, get him in shape, both do some research on the subject. If he is successful with the test, and with the physical agility test and physical docters exam AND he gets a job offer.....then REALLY decide together at that point .

Hope it helps for what it s worth, PM me if you have any more question

My sister in law is a fire fighter(that's right, sister in law), paramedic, and RN.  I also have 3 very good friends who are fire fighters, grew up with a guy whose dad was a firefighter, and lived across the street from a fire fighter.  My sister in law is single, but the other 3 are very happily married and have been for many years now.  In fact I don't know any divorced fire fighters but know several divorced businessmen.  Yes there is danger, but if it's your time it is your time.  Nothing you do or don't do is going to change that.  As for the money, the schedule of the fire fighter allows for plenty of time for off duty jobs to make a little extra.  My sister in law(keep in mind she is single and this may be why) works her normal shifts at the fire station and also basically works full time at a hospital.  She makes a minimum of $70k per year.  1 of the guys I know works part time for a contractor.  1 of the guys wife is a hair stylest who can make her own hours.  They have 2 small children so while he is on duty she does not take any appointments so she can be home with the kids.  She does her hair appointments on his days off and he stays with the kids.  It works for them.  There is a lot of flexibility.

My BIL is a fireman.  He loves it.  He was looking for a job that kept him in the hokey little town of Biloxi vs moving to Chicago.  He wanted to move back home up north,my sister wanted to stay home.  He went to fireschool instead.  He's moved up to driver now.  He's got it made pretty much, works five 24 hour shifts a month.  My sister plans her days off around his work schedule so he can watch the kids.  

But of course, then came a hurricane and he had to stay through it all.  He called the next day and said he was so upset about the amount of bodies they were recovering.

There was a bunch of out of town firemen who came to assist in the recovery efforts and ended up helping him gut his house down to the bare bones.