need gal's advice regarding 12 yr old daughter

Well, I personally think 12 is way too young for that kind of relationship.  If it were me, I would not want to invite the boy over b/c I think it sends mixed messages to your daughter and him.  Does she have any plans for the summer to distract herself from him?  Summer camp or anything like that?

Having been a 12 year old girl in recent memory...

It will pass, but when it does, it is going to be ugly. I don't know your daughter, but I have to tell you, the first loss of a crush/guy you're into is ROUGH. But then, a week later, a new crush develops or they realize that boys are still gross and they move on.

I think you're absolutely doing the right thing by supervising and watching their interactions, and I don't think you should relax these rules at all. That being said, I think if she understands that following the rules=time with boy, not following rules= no boy interaction ever, she might see the rules in a more favorable light.

What is her mother's take on all of this?

Also, you say your daughter is "developed" for her age. Time for an overshare, but during menarche, I was *batpoop crazy*. Like seriously unable to reason. The influx of all of these new hormones and weird bodily experiences is pretty flipping trying, and it's a lot to go through combined with the weird social interactions of being in upper elementary/middle. There is probably an element of this that is that weird new chemistry taking over, combined with the fact that she's in a strange not-quite-a-kid, not-quite-a-young-adult stage. So again, it will pass and get better, but it is ugly in this stage (With the power of some years and having good relationships with my parents, I can realize that I must have been an absolute JERK to deal with at this age!)

TL;DR: Keep being an involved dad and stand firm on your ground rules, even though she may hate you during it. It will pass, but be ugly during those bits.

Thanks, Hannah is in dance classes but other than that she doesn't have any interest in sports.  The boy's mom thinks it's "cute."  And the dad bought a really sappy adult type love card for the boy to give to Hannah for her birthday.  So my wife and I are the bad guys.  That's OK, I can deal with that.  I just feel like I'm walking a tight-rope with being strict and yet not sending her into rebellion.

Edited by Dan Estrada 2012-06-23 2:00 PM

Personal opinion...12 is toooooo young! She is a young girl..she should be with friends and enjoying school and just being a kid! But unfortunately I have a 14 y/o girl that is boy crazy herself. We hav strict rules of when she can see him and who has to chaperone. Also she does have a cell phone and it is monitored closely. Parents have met and we all agreed on rules for the kids to follow.Keep being involved...break up are hard on young girls. Especially with all those hormones. She is going to need her daddies shoulder one day and you have to be strong enough to just be there an listen...

Thanks again, yep I've had a sit down talk with the mom and boy to let them know very clear limits.  Any kissing and it's over, not even holding hands.  I said I would change schools if necessary.  But I found the boy tickling her in the ribs one time and ended that with a talk to his mom.  He fears me which is where I want it.  But where do you go when she yells with tears streaming down her face "HE'S MY BOWFRIEND AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!  Jeeeze - the drama.

Edited by Dan Estrada 2012-06-23 5:26 PM

All I can say is, do the best you can and don't push t he issue but keep a close eye on it, and don't fall into the drama.  Stay grounded, stay with your beliefs, and talk when it is needed.