So let's brag, what did you get for Christmas??? (Page 2)

Not so fast... I got a Garmin 301.  (and a TP Massageball Quadroller.  and a Palm Tungsten E2 w/TomTom GPS.  and a set of Zipp 808's)  But, did I mention I got a 301

Christmas_ _With_ _Louise_

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*As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Walmart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?
You're kidding me! Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love Dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for Lovable Louise. She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a doll took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the
dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and
bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked.

My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll."

"Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped.

I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut.

"Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice Gran" Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?"

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny, hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?"

I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise.
Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health! *

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Okay - but seriously - to keep this tri related I got some cash cards for a running store and a swimming store.

not one tri related thing... but i did well.
-flight to FL for Xmas
-pedicure
-tickets to 2 diff musicals
-Dolly's latest cd, 2 of them!
-dar williams latest cd
-beautiful eileen fisher sweater
-lots of spa type beauty products including this sugary orange body scrub stuff from Bliss to which I have become addicted
-cashmere sweater
-4x$100 gas cards (my dad is adorable!)
-mom knitted/felted me the cutest purse
-david yurman earrings that make me look like a Desperate Housewife
-4 books including the new Zadie Smith and a fab graphic novel called Black Hole
I hope that's it-- the above is now my thank you note list....

That is so funny! Is that true?

Might be true but it ain't my story - just a good joke as far as I know.

I got much more this year than I ever have. My wife said that she was getting me more to compensate for all those years she was studying and didn't have money to get me anything.

So, I got a Garmin 301 which is just too cool and a Marmot 700-fill down jacket. I got other things too, but these were the marquee gifts. One of the other smaller things that I got is crampons to allow me to run on snow and ice. They fit under my running shoes.

I was spoiled this year.



Edited by Opus 2005-12-28 8:40 AM

I GOT A BIKE!!!





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I liked my shoes, but nothing on the house!!!!!!!!





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Hmmm... nobody admitting to getting a # 7 ribbon?

I'll admit.

Does it count if you give that present to yourself????

Nothing like a little wine and unwrapping yourself and saying "Just what I wanted, I have been a good boy this year"...