Neighbor teenagers causing trouble- what to do? (Page 2)

http://www.kineticsnoise.com/industrial/noise_ordinance.html

A few years ago I have called the county cops to come out (since we don't live in the city/town/village limits) and take care of a graduation party that went on past midnight in our little neighborhood because the music was loud and the kids were a little loud, too.  We weren't informed of the party in advance.  I have 3 younger sons.

The Dad said that I should have just closed the windows in my house.  I told him that was a stupid request since I heard them through the closed windows anyways.

I agree with switch.   I've also worked with teens, and generally, what works the best is just to be straight up with them. 

"Look, I know you guys are just having fun, and that's cool.  But your fun is messing with my sleep, and my job.   If you guys can just be quieter, then I can sleep, and you guys can still have fun.   Can you keep the fireworks to before 10PM?  I would really appreciate it. "

If they feel like you are engaging them as an equal, they are MUCH more likely to respond than if you just go over there and chew them out.  

And if possible, arrive bearing gifts.  Bake them a pie.  Take them a pizza.  And not to the PARENTS.  Talk to the kids directly.

Tough one for sure. 

1. If you just call the cops there is a chance of anonymity if you get lucky and the cop will keep his/her mouth shut. On the other hand the cop might require you to sign the citation as a witness at which point you are exposed as the party crasher.

 2. If you go over there and talk to them real nice and get nowhere, your only other option is to call the cops at which point they are guaranteed to know who called the cops. 

Singing Kumbaya and holding hands in a circle sounds great but it sounds like these kids are pretty far gone and have been that way for at least a few years. I understand the concept of an adult being cool and asking a favor appealing to the kid's sense of social responsibility and/or respect. That would have worked great on me at that age, I would have felt bad and been diligent to not disturb the neighbor again. And yes I was the kind of kid that would do what you asked if asked nicely but if you were a dick about it I probably wouldn't have cared much. But unfortunately there are a lot of kids these days that just don't give a care.

None of us know as much about these kids and their situation as the OP so we can't really know the best option. But if I was next door to a family with a pattern of disrespect and misbehavior on the level the OP is talking about and it went from the parents on down to the drunk 13 year old, I would be less inclined to try diplomacy and be more inclined to call the cops and attempt to remain anonymous. 

First bolded point: Again, why are they going to know in this case?  This is a leap in logic to me. 

Second bolded point: What makes you so sure of this?  This is not my experience at all. 

BTW, you all have a lot more confidence in cops than I do.

First thing someone does when they get busted is start thinking about who narced on them. Heck I got a notice from my HOA for my yard being a 1/4 inch too long last summer, it was right after my new neighbors moved in, not gonna say I didn't have thoughts that they may have complained about me. 

If you ask them to be quiet on Tues night and they are noisy again on Weds and you call the cops, who do you think they are going to assume called the cops? Not too big a leap to me. 

2nd point. I could give you a list of kids I am sure would not give a crap about how cool you are with them. I can think of three right now that I made every attempt to meet on their level, gave them multiple chances and it never panned out. Yes, some kids yearn for someone to respect them and to earn their respect in return, others are just so angry, rebellious, out to make a name for themselves that they will do whatever they want no matter who or what they hurt/destroy. 

3rd point. Haha not much confidence in cops here. But if nothing else calling the cops will often get the parent to pay a little more attention. When it is coming out of their pocket for fines and court costs sometimes they will take a bit more proactive approach. 

Now just for a little spice here is a really bad analogy. If you neighbor had a crazy dog would you call animal control or go over there and go Ceasar on it's a$$ and attempt to train it yourself? Could work or you could get bit. Same situation here, could make the kids shape up a bit or could put a big target on your back. Either way it is bad owner/parent causing the issue.

Anyway, like I said, both approaches are very valid and both could have positive or negative outcomes, tough call for the OP for sure. Makes me grateful that my house is surrounded by cute, polite, very respectful kids with great parents. 

OK.  Two stories. 

1) One of my neighbors (1/2 mile away, but in the country that's a neighbor), has two dogs who were very aggressive toward me when I would run by. I'm a dog person, so I didn't freak, but just used my dog common sense and tried to work with them when I would run by.  It didn't work.  The Mastiff was gettingmore agressive--growling and not letting me get past.  I talked to the neighbors.  I explained that I like to run and that I had to run by their house to get on any of my routes and that it was a problem.  I also said I understand not wanting to tie up a dog, as I have dogs of my own and part of their job is to patrol my property.  I offered to call them when I was going to go out, so they could tiw up the dogs.  They offered to get an electric fence installed, and they did.  Problem solved.

2) I used to teach at a community college.  One of the classes I had been assigned to teach was full of "problem kids".  The first day of class, they were sitting slumped in their chairs, hats on (some sideways, ugh), arms across the chest, looking at the floor, on their phones etc. 

Instead of just handing out my syllabus, I went over to my desk and took a posture that was similar.  It took them about 30 seconds to figure out what was going on.  I asked them to tell me what kind of things they thought when they saw me sitting like that.  So our first conversation of the semester was about first impressions and why they're important.  I then had them all line up outside my door, shake my hand and introduce themselves to me.  And guess what?  If they gave me a handshake, mumbled their name or didn't look me in the eye, they got sent to the back of the line to try it again. 

We had a GREAT semester in that class.  I am still friends with some of those kids--many of whom were kids I sent back through the handshake line. Again, it's not about being a doormat, it's about finding a way to connect with these kids and making it important to them.  I just refuse to believe that a majority of teens, even "problem" teens are unreachable.  It just has not been my experience at all.

Story one was a specific response to Aaron asking me what I'd do if my neighbor had a crazy dog.  It just happened to be that I have dealt with this in the last month.

Story two, yeah, it was a classroom environment.  So that is different.  However, if i lived next door to someone for nine years, I can bet you that I would have some sort of relationship with that kid.  It might not be great, but I would have something.

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by ChineseDemocracy

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by Aarondb4

Originally posted by switch

Originally posted by Aarondb4

 

Tough one for sure. 

1. If you just call the cops there is a chance of anonymity if you get lucky and the cop will keep his/her mouth shut. On the other hand the cop might require you to sign the citation as a witness at which point you are exposed as the party crasher.

 2. If you go over there and talk to them real nice and get nowhere, your only other option is to call the cops at which point they are guaranteed to know who called the cops. 

 

Singing Kumbaya and holding hands in a circle sounds great but it sounds like these kids are pretty far gone and have been that way for at least a few years. I understand the concept of an adult being cool and asking a favor appealing to the kid's sense of social responsibility and/or respect. That would have worked great on me at that age, I would have felt bad and been diligent to not disturb the neighbor again. And yes I was the kind of kid that would do what you asked if asked nicely but if you were a dick about it I probably wouldn't have cared much. But unfortunately there are a lot of kids these days that just don't give a care.

None of us know as much about these kids and their situation as the OP so we can't really know the best option. But if I was next door to a family with a pattern of disrespect and misbehavior on the level the OP is talking about and it went from the parents on down to the drunk 13 year old, I would be less inclined to try diplomacy and be more inclined to call the cops and attempt to remain anonymous. 

First bolded point: Again, why are they going to know in this case?  This is a leap in logic to me. 

Second bolded point: What makes you so sure of this?  This is not my experience at all. 

BTW, you all have a lot more confidence in cops than I do.

First thing someone does when they get busted is start thinking about who narced on them. Heck I got a notice from my HOA for my yard being a 1/4 inch too long last summer, it was right after my new neighbors moved in, not gonna say I didn't have thoughts that they may have complained about me. 

If you ask them to be quiet on Tues night and they are noisy again on Weds and you call the cops, who do you think they are going to assume called the cops? Not too big a leap to me. 

2nd point. I could give you a list of kids I am sure would not give a crap about how cool you are with them. I can think of three right now that I made every attempt to meet on their level, gave them multiple chances and it never panned out. Yes, some kids yearn for someone to respect them and to earn their respect in return, others are just so angry, rebellious, out to make a name for themselves that they will do whatever they want no matter who or what they hurt/destroy. 

3rd point. Haha not much confidence in cops here. But if nothing else calling the cops will often get the parent to pay a little more attention. When it is coming out of their pocket for fines and court costs sometimes they will take a bit more proactive approach. 

Now just for a little spice here is a really bad analogy. If you neighbor had a crazy dog would you call animal control or go over there and go Ceasar on it's a$$ and attempt to train it yourself? Could work or you could get bit. Same situation here, could make the kids shape up a bit or could put a big target on your back. Either way it is bad owner/parent causing the issue.

Anyway, like I said, both approaches are very valid and both could have positive or negative outcomes, tough call for the OP for sure. Makes me grateful that my house is surrounded by cute, polite, very respectful kids with great parents. 

OK.  Two stories. 

1) One of my neighbors (1/2 mile away, but in the country that's a neighbor), has two dogs who were very aggressive toward me when I would run by. I'm a dog person, so I didn't freak, but just used my dog common sense and tried to work with them when I would run by.  It didn't work.  The Mastiff was gettingmore agressive--growling and not letting me get past.  I talked to the neighbors.  I explained that I like to run and that I had to run by their house to get on any of my routes and that it was a problem.  I also said I understand not wanting to tie up a dog, as I have dogs of my own and part of their job is to patrol my property.  I offered to call them when I was going to go out, so they could tiw up the dogs.  They offered to get an electric fence installed, and they did.  Problem solved.

2) I used to teach at a community college.  One of the classes I had been assigned to teach was full of "problem kids".  The first day of class, they were sitting slumped in their chairs, hats on (some sideways, ugh), arms across the chest, looking at the floor, on their phones etc. 

Instead of just handing out my syllabus, I went over to my desk and took a posture that was similar.  It took them about 30 seconds to figure out what was going on.  I asked them to tell me what kind of things they thought when they saw me sitting like that.  So our first conversation of the semester was about first impressions and why they're important.  I then had them all line up outside my door, shake my hand and introduce themselves to me.  And guess what?  If they gave me a handshake, mumbled their name or didn't look me in the eye, they got sent to the back of the line to try it again. 

We had a GREAT semester in that class.  I am still friends with some of those kids--many of whom were kids I sent back through the handshake line. Again, it's not about being a doormat, it's about finding a way to connect with these kids and making it important to them.  I just refuse to believe that a majority of teens, even "problem" teens are unreachable.  It just has not been my experience at all.

Those are very nice stories Switch. But, story one is a bit apples and oranges for me when compared to the original post. The dogs will not get back at you for talking to their owner (teens can and do). The owner of the dogs apparently did the responsible thing (it can be inferred from the original poster's posts that the teens next door don't have a parent that can be responsible that way). 13 year olds with drinking histories up past midnight on roofs launching fireworks...that's just so beyond stupid. Story two is nice as well, but you are talking about college students in a classroom, a.k.a. a controlled environment. 2:00 in the morning, with fireworks, and quite possibly alcohol, is not a controlled environment. I'm not saying these kids are "hopeless," or "unreachable," but I am saying there's a time and a place and a situation...2a.m., on a roof, fireworks in a crowded environment...that's just not even close to being good odds for success. in my opinion of course.

Story one was a specific response to Aaron asking me what I'd do if my neighbor had a crazy dog.  It just happened to be that I have dealt with this in the last month.

Story two, yeah, it was a classroom environment.  So that is different.  However, if i lived next door to someone for nine years, I can bet you that I would have some sort of relationship with that kid.  It might not be great, but I would have something.

This really is the key difference.  I've been in the opposition camp regarding trying to talk to drunk teenagers.  My situation which I shared earlier was we moved in and the bad behavior was WELL underway.  And talking to them didn't work, nor did calling the cops...

There is no simple answer however I believe the OP did say they thought reasoning and bringing pizza and/or a pie might do it so I'm hopeful we get an update to a real life situation...

Too often we get these debates going where everyone is sharing what "they'd do" in a given situation vs. "what they did."

Now if I could just get "enter sandman" to stop playing in my head after each time I read this thread I'd be happy...

ETA:  OP didn't initially bring up the pizza or pie example, it was further down the debate thread...

This one is easy.  Pepperballs in my sons paintball gun.  stratigic sniper shot every 15 minutes or so should do the trick.  Take out the leader first <snicker>

OK, on a serious note.  If I had a relationship with the parents then I'd talk to the parents first, but if I didn't I'd call the cops in a heartbeat.

I have very good HD security cameras on my house with night vision capabilities and I gave all my neighbors access to watch them live from their phones (Nerd neighbors are so cool).  We had one of our neighbors' teenage son that had a big party last summer when the parents were out of town.  It was late and still pretty noisy so I texted the Dad to take a look at the cameras so he could see the 20 cars in the driveway/street at his house.  It wasn't 5 minutes before I heard cars screeching away and all was quiet and received an apology/thank you text from the Dad and a "Sorry" text from the son.  No police involvement necessary.

Don't forget the FBI and CIA......and Tuwood...seriously, dude has HD night vision on his home cameras!!

Preach it brother.

We had some teenage brothers in our neighborhood a few years ago who were real h***raisers.  They were involved in some minor vandalism of houses and were just a general nusance.  They were in the habit of stealing beer out of garage refrigerators in the neighborhood, including ours.  The parents were a trainwreck, going through numerous separations and reconciliations over the years.

My teenage daughter took it upon herself to start a rumor that I was an undercover cop, backed up by the fact that I could be seen cleaning my pistol at my garage workbench on the weekends (the Hi-Standard .22LR semi-auto that I use at the local indoor range for target shooting).

The kids bought the story and started acting like choirboys, at least when they saw me around.  The family eventually moved out shortly after the boys graduated from high school.

Fast forward eight years, and now we have a real cop living in the neighborhood.

His advice is to always avoid a confrontation and call the cops if there is a problem.  Multiple calls to the same address tends to generate more follow-up and resolution of situations.

Mark