serious issue (Page 2)

Your wife is insecure about your new outlook, your improving body, her sedentary body, your time training, etc. 

But be careful lest the validation of your point on this thread blind you to your own possible culpability here - are you paying attention to her?  Do you make comments to her about her not excersizing?  IS SHE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THAN TRIATHLONS? Doesn't mean you have to quit, but maybe she doesn't know if she is or not - and that has to be a pretty empty feeling to wonder if someone who you have pledged your life to doesn't feel your as interested in her as you are in something you said your going to quit in a month.

Having said that, maybe you are growing apart. Maybe she really is selfish and insecure and is more concerned with keeping you from looking too good so she can keep you. Maybe this training has exposed a flaw in your relationship that already existed. I would advise that you get a clear head about what you want - maybe she and her lifestyle just won't fit with your new view of the world - it sounds to me like the two of you are not as in synch as might be desired for a true partnership.

I would advise some family counseling as well, and Don is right, but with an astersk: She is more important than a triathlon. If she is not, you should not be with her.

Dave,

You shouldn't have to choose - your (healthy) interests or your wife. Really, wives don't get to rule what husbands do with every minute of their time. You are entitled to your interests; you are entitled to make decisions about how to spend your free time. You need to ask your wife to support your need to have interests outside the marriage. All of this presupposes that you are fully present and connected in your marriage. If your wife is lonely, then there is possibly some emotional disconnect between the two of you and tri'ing or not will not fix this disconnect.

I'm very glad to read that you two are walking together. That's great. Keep talking.

I can't offer a whole lot of advice because I'm not married, but I'll just share my thought.

Being single and having been in a relationship with a guy who was unspportive of my training, this issue scares me to death.  I am extremely picky when it comes to dating.  I'm not picky to the point that I'm being ridiculous, but I'm being realistic.  I know that I need to be with a guy who has a passion- whether it's tri training, marathon training, swimming, cycling, ultimate frisbee, anything.  If you both have a passion in life (whether it's the same or different) it really helps.  If I meet a guy and they don't have a passion I don't really give them the time of day.  It sounds bad, but I have learned the hard way and refuse to watse my time that way again.  Reason being...I have found that the guys who don't have a passion make comments to me about my training like "you're too active for me" or "well, you might as well do it all now because you won't be able to do this when you're married and have a family".  It's extrememly frustrating, because I can't understand why guys don't admire my ambition and aren't encouraging  What man wouldn't want their women to take care of herself and be healthy?  Ugh...it's really annoying but I refuse to be with someone (again) who discourages me from what I love to do.  So what if I don't get married until I'm 35?  (I'm 28 and hope it doesn't take that long, but who knows?  It might.) At least I'll be spending my time doing something I love and not wasting my time waiting for some guy.

It seems like you almost assume she will fail to hold up her end of the agreements.  My guess is that training and triathlons are only the symptoms of a bigger problem.  Who doesn't believe in her---you or her?

She also said that she is extremely picky

Damn, I missed that part...

If you have lost interest, just admit it.  Don't go looking to blame it on the other person.  Just own it.

Yep- I'm single   To clarify picky, I just mean that I am not going to "settle" for just anyone.  I know what I want and will wait until I find that.  Specifically, I need to be with someone who's just as active as me to keep me on my toes.  I'm not going to date someone just to be with someone.  That's what I mean by being picky.  I guess it's not about being picky but being mature

I had this difficult discussion with my wife in March.

Basically, I shared with her my dreams of the future.  I told her that the thing that I am looking forward to the most is growing old with her and arriving at the day where we can sit on the porch together in evening, sipping wine, and holding hands.  That's my dream for my wife and I.  I then told her that I was worried that, unless she changed some things about her life, we would never realize this dream.  I tried to be as delicate as possible, but it still made her cry.  We talked about what I thought she needed to do to shape up physically.

How did it end up?  We bough her first bike, a Specialized Allez Elite, later that month and she's training for her first century in November.

Here's the key: Make sure she knows that you are trying to improve YOUR future.  You're not asking her to get thinner to be more appealing; you're not asking her to get involved because it makes you feel better; you're doing this to improve BOTH YOUR futures by giving you more time and a better quality of time together.

Your wife has a great husband!