Man goes into a bird shop to buy a parrot. As they are leaving the shop, the bird starts to swear using some of the most foul language the man has ever heard. By the time the man has the bird home, he is at his wit's end. The bird is insulting, crude and incredibly vulgar. The man sets the bird on the counter and listens, veins popping, as the bird proceeds to tell the man how his fornicating mother had serviced an entire division of infantry and that the man had surely never met his true father, and if he had, he couldn't possibly know him based upon the sheer volume of men his mother had known.

Losing patience, the man grabs the bird, opens his freezer and tosses the obnoxious bird inside, closing the door as fast as he can. At first he can hear a muffled string of curses and general insults, but after a moment, the bird is quiet. After several minutes, the man starts to feel guilty and eventaully opens the door.

The parrot, its colorful feathers shivering and it's wings wrapped tightly around its body, very seriously addresses the man: "Sir, I humbly apologize for any harm my foul and tacky invective may have caused you. I was completely out of line, and worse, deliberately rude. I cannot expect you to forgive me my terrible behaivior, but I can assure you I will never, ever, address you in such a way that you might find offensive. Please accept my heart-felt apology. Sir."

The man was nonplussed, but regained his composure. All he needed to show was some backbone!

"Well...er...fine. Just don't let it happen again...."

"I completely understand and it will not happen again, I assure you."

"Sir?" the parrot asked, casting a downcast glance back into the freezer.

"Er...yes?"

"Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"Uh.., ok..."

"What did the chicken do?"

A panda walks into a restaurant and sits down.  He barks and growls his order at the waiter.  He impatiently taps his claws on the table while he's waiting for his food, annoying everyone else in the place.  The food comes and the panda just devours his food without any silverware or couth at all.  When he's done, he pulls out a gun and starts firing rounds all over the place.

By this point, the owner of the restaurant has had about enough.  He confronts the panda and says, "HEY!  What do you think you're doing?"

As the panda walks out the door, he growls, "I'm a panda!  Look it up!!"  And with that the panda is gone.

The owner pulls out a dictionary and turns to "panda" where he reads: panda: Asian mammal that eats shoots and leaves."

OMG!! You are a King Prawn!!!!!

(sorry, return to jokes)

MOOOOOOO!

LOL

What's the difference between Davey Crocket and Paul Bunyon?

I haven't a clue. It just sounded like the beginning of a good joke.

What do the letters DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association 

You rat.  I'm at work, on the phone with my wife who is chewing me out for something that happened two days ago and I read that joke, now I can't stop laughing and she's still on the phone....  blah blah blah.

My fault.  (reading the thread while on the phone, not what my wife says I did)