Girlfriends/Boyfriends and Their Affect On Training (Page 2)

This is the biggest disparity in my marriage (with 2 kids)...

When we were dating and engaged, I was getting over two major injuries (knee surgery and throwing my back out)... I also knew that I would no longer be going back to fighting full-contact.

I talked about- without actually practicing -being an athlete, but,  then again, so do a lot of guys in their mid-30's.

Once I got back into training, this time for triathlon - I think the reality took her by surprise.


I am really disappointed.
I tried for the longest time to be a positive influence on her, but it really just kept me down and held me back --- a reality that I tried to deny.

Now, I take the attitude that I need to protect myself from her negative influence on my health and fitness.
Hopefully, I will get in a groove that will positively influence my kids. (3 years and 7 months)

Maybe one day she will turn around.

Until then, it is a lot of 4am alarms and visor lights.

Wow, what an appropriate topic for today, seeing as how I slept on the couch last night.  Not by choice...

X2 But seriously. I was married until the end of last year and never found the schedules to be a problem. He was into his own things - serious cyclist (when I wasn't), snowboarding that would require weekend trips without me, kayaking, he's an artist so he had that too. And I was into marathons and then tris and would go through the training cycle on a drastically different schedule than him. I actually found it nice because we did our own thing although we certainly saw each other less. But I don't think that's a bad thing in a relationship.

Now that I'm single I find it easier to just do whatever I need for sure, but I miss having someone there to share the experience with, even if it's at 9:30pm when I just got home and have to go to bed at 11.

HA! Your situation is just like mine!

Both triathletes... training for a HIM... we live one mile away from each other... only see each other twice a week. He pops the sleeping pills.

My fiance is not an athlete although he did do a sprint tri this weekend for the first time. He did not train for it much was sorry afterwards  but he tried one so he could get a perspective on what I do and see what he thought about it. He has many other interests that keep him very busy so he is just as occupied as I am. He stays up later than me and I am usually just coming home from a workout in the morning when his alarm is going off. He snores very loudly so when I moved in with him a year ago it was already decided that we have seperate bedrooms. This really works for us. We both sleep great and we are still both very in love and happy. I do have to sleep with him when we travel but then I will wear ear plugs. I hate wearing them regularly because they hurt my ears, but now we are in another topic. Anyway it all just works for us because we both respect each others interests and we are supportive. I am generally a night owl, but not when I am training. I would love to stay up with him but I just don't. Priorities!

What... no mention of sex yet?!  I date a non-athlete and she's awesome.  But when we ahem "get-together"  she needs me to stay the night afterwards.  Its tough for me becuase I know I need a good nights rest and its just so difficult to do with her next to me.  My training has suffered somewhat, but I'm more than willing to do it because she is totally worth it and well... so is the sex.

Like most people have said its all about prioritizing.

Sorry Keri!  I missed your comment on mandatory sex nights... Great idea.

SHD

Edited by Sailing Hot Dog 2009-07-21 1:31 PM

YES


Seriously...
The bad news - Tri's and relationships don't always work out.
First need communication and understanding - of what each of you expect and want out of each other, and why the non-relationship stuff is important to you.
Then you each need to figure out for yourself - how much of what they want is tolerable to you? What are your priorities?
And finally, compromise and work-arounds. As long as there is another person involved, you'll never get 100% of what you want. But perhaps you can get MOST of what you want, and/or schedule things around each other, or take turns as to who gets their way.

OH! I would like to add that my boyfriend has had a very positive affect on my training!

He bought me my road bike (Specialized Tarmac Expert)!
He gave me a Cyclops Trainer!
When I got my tri bike, he paid for it to be built, etc.
He was my Ironsherpa (did an excellent job!).

I could go on and on... but he's been nothing but a positive influence on my training and my gear!

That's the thing, when compared to other addictions, Tri's still are not that bad in terms of time, money, and overall health... (think gambling, drinking, junk food, etc.)

so when folks are not supportive, they are not (as likely) going to say, "Don't be so healthy!"

It gets more passive-aggressive or becomes time jealousy.

It's funny...when my DH and I got married I was the couch potato and he was the casual runner...then he started training to do a half-marathon and a marathon...and I can admit I was jealous of the time that he spent training (not a lot but a little)...a year and half ago I decided that I needed to get into shape and decided I wanted to do a tri...Now my workout schedule is just as busy (if not more busy in some weeks) as his.  Like everyone else has said...it is all about compromise.

As for sharing your bed...that takes getting used to and sacrifice no matter what your hobbies are...when he doesn't sleep well I don't sleep well and vice versa...but its worth the sacrifice because I love him

I think (as many others have said) it all comes down to priorities.

My boyfriend and I live about 30 miles apart, so we only get to see each other on weekends.  I work 2 jobs, he works 2 jobs, we skype every night, and I'm trying to train for a triathalon.  He is more of the football/tennis/basketball type athlete.  Sometimes I can get him to run with me, but since he doesn't do endurance, I usually go for a bike, then pick him up and we run together (so we run about the same speed when I'm tired).  Nutrition is a problem for me when I'm around him, but he's starting to eat healthier (we both have a weakness for icecream!).

I usually get up early and train during the week days so I don't have to spend too much of our time on the weekends doing stuff.  Basically, though, that means I don't sleep much - usually about 6hrs... 

I've noticed what's really important for our relationship is to make him feel important.  When I start putting my work and/or training before him, he gets jealous, but if I make it a point to let him know that I think he is important, and I appreciate and value the time him and I spend together, then he doesn't mind as much when I tell him I'm gonna come over later Sat morning because I have to go run first...

If you're sleeping in the same bed before marriage, then you're gonna burn.  Just kidding.

My GF doesn't care what I do, but we also don't live together.  She's so busy with school she doesn't have time to worry and I'm busy wiht both work and school.  A lot of times I'll stay at her place before a race because she lives downtown and I live out in the outerburbs.  Most races are downtown so I'll crash at her place.  Normally when I get back from a 5/10k or whatever she is just getting up.

Though I did do a triathlon on the weekend she was going back home for the summer.  I left Friday and she was leaving on Saturday.  She drunk called me before the race wanting me to come over but I was 300miles away with a race in 2 hours.  It was a tough decision and I think I went with the dumb one which was to stay and race.

It is an awkward one, i work shifts (2 x 0700 hrs - 1600hrs, 2 x 1500 - 0300, 2 x 2200 - 0700, finishing on my first day off, of which i have 4), we don't live together.  My BF works 9-5 m-f (but occasionally overtime on the weekend) and he has a 3yo child from a previous relatiionship which he has 2 weekend out of three and one day in the week every week!  So it's HARD getting to see him anyway, without the training issue.  Getting the training in is not overly hard, but if it's a choice of seeing him or training, he usually wins hands down!  And that's MY choice, not him asking me not to go, as he is super supportive and also weight trains himself. 

I haven't done my first tri yet (it's in 10 days time), but for the sprint distance i don't think the volume of training is an issue for me, as i can fit in a 3 mile run in 3o mins, and if he comes over when i'm in the shower still, then so be it (jackpot!   .  I can see how super difficult it must be for HIM and IM triathletes, and i'm seriously impressed with you guys!