For those of you who don't celebrate Christmas... (Page 2)

I'm an excellent kisser... grandma says I'm the best!

I'm guessing this isn't about religion at all.  Truth is, he keeps getting a sweater with a duck on the front instead of anything tri related.  I fully understand his disappointment in the holiday. 

Along these lines, can you pick a time to drop by when the focus isn't on religion?  What happens when you tell your families that you are not comfortable with that aspect of the celebration and ask if there is a time when you can be there just to celebrate being with family?  I am in the same camp as you but I absolutely love Christmas.  It is all about family to me.  However, I don't have family trying to force their religious ceremony on me either.  That would definitely make me not want to go.

Once you have the same sweater in three different colors, it's time for drastic action!

I'd love to, but when 90% of the time is spent on religious celebration, I might as well just go golfing, show up for dinner and then leave.  Active family worshiping does not leave much room for a couple of uninvolved obervers.  You can't be involved if you can't participate!

Plus being reminded every 15 minutes about how sad it is that my parents can't share this wonderful celebration with their children gets old very quickly...

I do love that quote!

Did the critics ever consider that a winter solstice celebration isn't celebrating "the darkest day of the year" but rather celebrating the start of less-dark days? 

Going to Catholic mass if you aren't Catholic is a bit exclusionary since you cannot partake in the sacraments, but it can still be a chance to listen to beautiful music. 

When the kids were young, we would usually go to the "family" Christmas Eve service (protestant) rather than try to keep them happy 3 hours past their bedtime.  Christmas Eve was spent baking cookies and hanging out as a family.  I'd usually make personal pizzas for each of the kids for dinner before the 7PM service.  We'd come home and the kids would put cookies out for Santa before going to bed.  The wife and I would fix a nice "adult" meal (Shrimp scampi, Cornish Hen, Filet) and finish preparations for the next morning.  We could usually be in bed ourselves by 11PM. 

Now that they're older, we still do the pizza, but it's at 9PM so we still have time for an "adult" meal before we go to the 11PM service.  We don't get to bed before 1-2AM because we still have to get the "Santa" stuff ready and NOBODY is in bed until 12:30-1AM. 

Either way, it's an hour-long service and a 2-hour hit over the 2-day holiday.  If your extended family does something similar, offer to host something either before or after the Christmas Eve service and spend that time preparing for a meal or snack.  Same thing with Christmas day.  Offer to spend the time making preparations for the holiday meal so the devout can spend that time worshipping. 

We are a Christian family and we believe that Christmas is all about the birth of Jesus and we try to keep that the focus. We attend Christmas Eve candlelight services that are offered and we read about the birth of Christ from the Bible every year, but that is done with my wife and kids at our house.

I do not want my kids thinking that Christmas is all about them getting presents under the tree, I want them to understand their is a deeper meaning to Christmas at our house.

I've never been any kind of christian, having been raised jewish.  But I started dating mrs gearboy (who was at the time still devoutly catholic) when we were in college.  Her family was always inclusive, and respectful of my traditions of the time (I remember Easters when they made sure there was matzo alongside their easter ham and pierogies.)

Even as mrs gearboy became an atheist, we have always had christmas (and chanukkah) at our house.  We spend christmas eve's with her family (her parents and her sister's family) as a time for family.  I went once or twice to christmas mass when we were first dating - as a cultural experience.  We generally come now for dinner and company, and no one has any religious discourse (even though we are the only heathens). 

As my daughter once said to a friend of hers, we acknowledge any holiday that you get gifts and good food on.

well dude, what would you prefer Christian people to do on the most important date in their religion??  how SHOULD a Christian act on an important Christian holiday??  
its' like telling an Irishman to not drink beer on saint patty's day.

Edited by wabash 2010-10-14 9:40 AM

I'm not a Christian. I stopped celebrating Christmas when I finally admitted to myself that, in my heart of hearts, I didn't believe in the Mystery of Faith (Christ died, Christ rose, Christ will come again). I also always skipped the part of the litany where you had to renounce Satan - I couldn't renounce someone who I didn't believe exists. Yes, I'm like that - I say what I mean, mean what I say.

Anyhoooooo ... my family has always celebrated Christmas in a secular manner. I always found that strange.

When I was a practicing Catholic, I think my (former) husband and I were the only ones who actually made Christmas about the birth of Christ. Even though he is an atheist, he was sweet enough to indulge me and attend Christmas Midnight Mass with me. Loved the Midnight Mass!

As for friends who celebrate the birth of Christ, I don't mind at all that they make the celebration about Christ. Since, you know, Christmas is about Christ. And, I don't even mind toasting to Jesus - he did exist and, according to the people who wrote about him long after he was gone, had some pretty excellent things to say about how we should treat each other. For that, I will always toast Jesus. But I don't deify or worship him. He was just a man, better than most.

I do get turned off at the gross materialism that surrounds the holiday (holy day?); I think Christians have managed to make it a vulgar and crass celebration of possessions and things. I think it's repugnant.

Winter Solstice party - excellent idea! I intend to host one myself this year. Humans have celebrated the seasons for millenia; it's a shame we've gotten away from being in touch with the rhythms of the Earth. Winter Solstice celebrations aren't about celebrating the darkest day of the year - it's about celebrating the RETURN of light. The return of Spring, renewal, the growing season.

Don't let anyone politicize or hijack your celebration. If you believe in what you are doing, that should be good enough.

Maybe I'm wrong on this, but I believe EASTER is the most important day on the Holy Calendar.

But I agree with the rest of the sentiment.

This is exactly how my family celebrates Christmas. My dad selects passages from the bible and reads them, we all go to church together, etc. When I was little, we would put on a little pageant every year with religious hymns and spiritual readings and such. Heck last year my parents even gave my then-boyfriend a bible for Christmas, and it was a huge, uncomfortable production. Aaawkward. 

I know where you're coming from, but unfortunately don't have any advice, unless you want to rock the boat and upset your family.

i guess you could say they are both equally important.  you cant have the death if you dont have a birth.

Hope this doesn't come across as anything other than friendly ...

I'm not saying it. The Catholic Church says it. Jesus is no one without the 1) sacrifice and 2) resurrection. That's why Easter is considered the most important holy day on the Catholic calendar.

YMMV and I respect that. I'm not Christian, and I certainly am not going to tell a Christian what holiday they should consider paramount. As a former Catholic, I always find it odd when someone says Christmas is the most important religious holiday but my reaction has everything to do with Catholic doctrine as I was taught it.

Historically speaking, Christmas was created to usurp the pagan Winter Solstice traditions found in Western Europe. His birth date is somewhat arbitrary.

Historically speaking, Easter has always had primacy and followed Passover.


Edited by Renee 2010-10-14 9:53 AM

"Dude", you get pretty confrontational about this stuff.  You need to work on your reading comprehension before replying to a post that you clearly either didn't read or didn't understand.

I'm not knocking their wish to have a christ centered holiday.  As a matter of fact I respect it.  To me, celebrating Christmas in a non-religious fashion is pretty hollow and an insult to their supposed faith. 

My beef isn't with how they celebrate.  As I stated, they choose to make a big deal about us not coming to a celebration that isn't inclusive or welcoming to non-christians when the know that I believe it's all a fairy tale.  They can't have it both ways... 

But what really gets my worked up, is the impression that it was my "decision" to no longer believe in their religion that is causing a rift in the family.  I don't believe and I'm not going to pretent otherwise.  It's not something I can help.  Their choice to wrap up all the family traditions and family time in worship, means that not believing automatically puts you on the outside and unable to be a part of the family for their most important holidays. 

For the majority of Christians, what the Catholic Church says doesn't matter one bit.  Most of them are willing to make up their own mind and set their own priorities on what's most important!

I agree that Easter is far more important.  It is the foundation of the Christian faith.  Christmas is fun and wonderful and a time of praise, but the significance Easter is just mind-blowing, when you think of it (as a Christian/from a Christian perspective).

Start a new tradition?  Start a new year's eve dinner party.  Very similar to many Christmas celebrations -- looking back on the accomplishments and struggles of the past year united as a family and celebrating together.  No religious/anti-religious associations there.  (Obviously your sister's solstice party offended them)

I agree with you here -- it is their right to celebrate the holiday accordingly -- but I don't understand why they don't let you off the hook.  They are possibly trying to evangelize you...but obviously brow-beating isn't getting anywhere! 

your message came across friendly!  i should say, that i am not ranking any of the religious holidays.  it makes no sense to weigh them, and i'd guess that God doesnt care what we think in that aspect.  ranking dates?  those arent heart issues.
i dont think its up to a church (catholic) to do rank them, and tell you this is how they should be ranked.
FWIW, im not catholic either.

Andrew, why not plan your celebration as you see fit and leave your parents out of it? I don't invite my family to every party I throw.

As for their lack of acceptance of your lack of belief, have you thought about opting out by saying "I would love to see you for Christmas, as long as my beliefs are not put on trial."

When I began my inquiry into Buddhism, my mother told me that Buddhism was idol worshipping. I informed her that one does not pray to nor worship Buddha. Buddha was a man, said very clearly that he wasn't a god. And that I don't pray to Buddha. She still didn't like it, but I was indifferent to her opinion. I have to live with my conscience and consequences of my decisions. I'm the one that gets to make my decisions. If that causes my mother, who I love VERY DEARLY, discomfort then so be it. It's not my job to shield my mother from ideas she doesn't like. It's my mother's job to love and accept me as I am; she doesn't get to decide what I believe or what I practice. But I'm very clear on these boundaries, so it takes little effort for me to negotiate these differences. Maybe you should work on your boundaries? Let the chips fall where they may. You can't control how others will react; you can only control your own behavior.

Is there a matriarch/patriarch in the family that you could discuss this with and seek their assistance?  In my family, we had some grandparents that were pretty protective of their grandchildren and their happiness.
 

Edited by Goosedog 2010-10-14 10:12 AM

Once my grandfather passed, it's now my dad.  So...no, not really going there!

To be fair to the Catholic Church, they never said "This is how we rank our holidays." They merely explained why Easter was so important. The language is more like "Easter is our most holy of holy days. It is when Christ died for our sins. He returned to tell his disciples he would come again."

That is the central belief of Christianity - not just Catholic doctrine. That's why Easter is considered the most holy of days. It is the heart of the faith.

Again, I'm not telling anyone how they should 'rank' their holy days. Just elaborating on what I was taught in the Catholic Church. It makes sense to me, too.

sorry man, my apologies!  i meant to be a little sarcastic and not to trash the subject at hand.  i should have used red letters.  im not trying to be confrontational.......today.