Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 32)

Well it's been a while since I checked in..I'm doing OK.  I've been worse...but I've been better.  I guess that's "OK"...as I said.. :-D

Started the "off-season" in my part-time job.  Which is nice because I'm not working as much...but at the same time, it's not so nice because I'm not on a set schedule.

It was basically suggested, and another health professional agreed, that my extreme fatigue does not seem to be caused by my depression.  My extreme fatigue and level of depression are not matching...if my depression was as bad as the fatigue would indicate, I wouldn't be functional...and vice versa.  So I guess that is good news...but it's another - well it's not this...I had a sleep study done early last month and the dr. did find a slight apnea - which hadn't been found 5 years ago - and now I'm using a cpap...but it hasn't seemed to make that much of a difference.  And I'd have to say my fatigue is at a pretty high level.  I could sleep for 15 hours a night - not a problem...but then the next night I'd have a bit of trouble getting to sleep...then I'd be able to sleep that long again...

I'm still on an anti-depressant - but taking it in the evening as the RPN was the first to point out - oh! that medicine can have a slight fatigue affect...so taking it in the morning isn't a good idea.

Being this tired sucks.  I want a purpose in life...but I'm afraid to take on too much, because then I'll just back out of it.  Of course we're also struggling to keep our head above water financially...I'd move out of this house in a second to lower the payments...but of course we're backwards on our mortgage...I've tried to decrease costs, etc...but I'm afraid to look for a job because if it's full time (and will pay anything) then I'll just be tired again...evil GD cycle...

So I continue to make appts with doctors and try new things...the next step after the sleep doc, is to make an appt. at the Chronic Fatigue Center - and see if anyone there "believes" in Chronic Fatigue...then again, if that is what I have - not like there is much to do...but then maybe disability will believe I'm "disabled" enough...::sigh::

It doesn't help that it's getting into the rainy season here...yesterday and the day before was beautiful...but now it's all icky outside. 

Hope everyone else is keeping their head above water!!

<3 LKCT

Hiya LCKT, (hmm . . . was that the name?)

Here's a good thought winging towards Washington for you!

Yippee!  Depression AND fatigue.  It sure sounds like you are being proactive about this double burden.

Kudos and keep at it!

Hey everyone, I haven't visited this thread before, but I think I need to.  Yanti turned me on to it, I spend most of my time lately in the COJ threads..

I think I'm struggling a bit this holiday season.  I'm coming up on one year sober, and feeling more and more temptation and depression as the holiday's and parties come and go.

Now with that downer posted I already feel better.  I'm glad I was alerted of this thread, sorry if I broke any rules, and I promise to read most if not all 39 pages of it tomorrow...

Almost a year sober is hardly a downer.  But I know what you mean.  Almost 10 yreas here and holiday parties still suck.  Just stay centered on who you are and what you need, not what everyone else has, wants or is doing.  Stay very connected to sober folks, PM me if you want.

Day at a time brother!  Thats all we can do. But, really, do you want to have to change your name to UsedToBeSoberTriGuy?  I think not!

Oh and no need to read 39 pages.  Cliff Notes: Welcome to the Loonie Bin, we are all here for each other.

Holidays are hard for us mentally interesting people, huh?

Mostly my spirits are good and I can laugh at myself a lot, but having been seriously ill or injured most of the past 18 months, and most of them being illnesses that specifically cause depression in their wake (even for the well-adjusted and healthy to begin with), sometimes it's a struggle.

When it is, I feel like a real worthless sot who hasn't done anything with her life to speak of.

On the other hand, I wouldn't trade the last 18 months for anything, not even health. What I've gotten to learn and experience ... priceless.

Chicagoman65, you made me laugh with:

"Cliff Notes: Welcome to the Loonie Bin, we are all here for each other."

Sobertriguy, are you on any meds?  I know depression and drinking often go hand in hand.  It seems to be a self medication thing.  The meds have been a life saver for me.  Without them I think I would have HAD to become a drinker.  I don't know how I would have done it.

Hang in there.  January will get here and everyone will be as grumpy as we depressives!

Heh. Chicago made me laugh with the "you don't want to have to change your name to UsedToBeSoberTriGuy" line.

So, yeah. I'm in a real down place sometimes these days, as I posted, but here's a cliche that came to me that I LOVE:

"Don't give up right before the miracle happens."

So true.

Hang in there, everyone.

Haven't checked in here for awhile. I've been struggling with back/hip injuries since the end of June (when I was training for my 1st tri!!) and the near-constant pain is really wearing me down. I take a handful of meds every day that mostly manage my depression/anxiety. I'm working at a place that's pretty toxic emotionally, though, and had a real physical set-back the other day. I finally let myself feel how angry I am about the way I get treated, then stuffed it back down because I haven't been able to find work elsewhere. WHAM, the next a.m., I was barely able to stand up again. Feeling pretty discouraged but doing what I can to take care of myself emotionally since I can't really do anything about it physically right now. (And I'm applying for other jobs--hopefully something will pan out soon!)

Thanks for listening.

m

No Meds, And I'm doing MUCH MUCH Better than the day I posted here.  THANK YOU ALL!  Sometimes, I just need to be reminded that there are plenty of others with similar struggles.  One day at a time..

Thank you Chicagoman65!  (Also SHEW, not sure if I could have read all 39 (Now 40) pages.  Glad to be in the Loonie Bin...!

Struggling here.  Lost my dad in October, I was his caretaker and we were really close.  I came home from work in the middle of the night and found him.  That haunts me because I'm alone in my house now and very lonely. 

In my grief stupidity I thought it would be a good idea to get back in touch with my ex husband.  That turned out to be a really bad idea, so now I'm depressed about both things. 

Sigh.  I'll be okay, since I've been through grief and loss before but the meantime sucks.  I'm so glad I'm not a drinker, or anything equally as bad.  The replay of the ex was bad enough.

How is everybody? At least January is over!

I keep slipping in and out of moodiness (I won't call it depression out of respect for those who are clinically diagnosed), especially after trying to start dating again. I let myself pout and be upset over the last break-up and then joined Match.com. It's a great way to meet people I know, but those who I have met I am either not compatible with, or they simply stop talking to me. 

Trying to figure out why I am so hard to be with, why no one seems to just like me as a person and want to continue seeing me (let alone start a relationship). The last two men I've 'dated' have turned out to be fairly disrespectful jerks - I'm not sure how I seem to attract this kind of guy again and again.

In the past few weeks, more than once, I've gone to the bar alone. 
I don't get drunk, I just have a beer or two by myself. Because the thought of going home alone - night after night after night - is too much sometimes.

Lisa (I am assuming that is your first name from your signin),

Don't be so hard on yourself!!!  Dating has to be the hardest thing out there.  I am married but when I was single I DREADED it.  It seemed like a tennis match/beauty contest/popularity contest all rolled up into one.  And until I was married I was not very good at it!   I think you first have to be happy with yourself (this is from a guy clinically depressed) then let someone enjoy your company.  You seem pretty busy I am assuming.  Why not take some time for yourself.  Just hang out with friends, by yourself, volunteer, etc...  You deserve it, right?  I am not making my wife happy unless I am happy.  

One of my best friends is on Match.com and he is constantly dating, trying to find "the" one but what looks good on the screen never seems to work out in real life.  He is just trying too hard.  I know it sounds cliche, but why not let "the" one find you?  I don't know you but from your threads you seem like a pretty good catch!  (I sound like a grandfather, sorry!)   Just make yourself happy and it will work out!!!!!!

Ted

Thanks Ted
The thing is, I DO all that stuff. I like myself and do things I like all the time. I train, race, go out with girlfriends, go/watch sports with my guy friends, involved in my tri club, run with a fun run/drinking group, etc.

I guess I just need to be more patient.

Other Lisa C.  I'm glad you posted here.  Although as you say you may not be "clinically depressed", that still doesn't mean that you don't have symptoms and aren't struggling with things.  Winter is a hard time for a lot of people...I know you're training now and that's awesome!  But the shorter days have to mess with our mojo's somehow!

As to why you are single - I honestly can't answer that question.  After the (little) I know about you...I really have no FRIGGIN' clue!  Except maybe you're TOO perfect!  Smart, gorgeous, in shape...I look at pictures of you and get envious!  (But I realize that looks aren't everything...but I think you have more than looks going for you.) I seriously compare my attributes to you and wonder how in the hell I found anyone!  But, I think it just shows that some of it probably just timing...And maybe DT likes the crazy girls...so I fit his likes well...

I personally think there is nothing wrong with you having gone to the bar for a beer or 2.  I think that is MUCH better than having those beers sitting at home...I've done that before - many times - and usually those times make it too easy to drink too much.  I'm envious (again) that you can go to a bar and be comfortable there to just go have a drink or 2!

I don't really have much advice, but keep doing what you're doing...or maybe you shouldn't keep doing what you're doing...maybe now is a time to change?  But I do like that you are looking at your 2 previous relationships and are trying to learn from it.  I always think that things happen for a reason...sometimes it's REALLY hard to see WHY things happen, for instance - why did I slide down a ladder??  I'm not sure why - but maybe it prevented something WORSE from happening?!?

Anyway - keep us posted...and you can always PM me to chat :-D

Ted

Well I'm envious of those of you who are able to get at least some dates.  I've been on Match.com for well over a year, and OkCupid for a couple months, and have yet to get a single woman to reply to me.  

I like to think I'm a pretty good catch, but obviously I'm mistaken.  And since I can't seem to change who I'm attracted to, it doesn't seem there's much I can do, except keep working on improving myself, and learning to be happy alone.  I do realize there's a lot more to life than love and romance.

I try not to let it make me sad, but I'd be lying if I said I was always successful at that.

I've put plenty of photos up, and I do try to edit my profile text now and then, but it hasn't made much difference.  Anyway, I'm pretty sure I know what my problem is, but I don't really see any way to fix it.  For most of my late 20's and 30's, I let myself get obese, addicted to booze, and very out of shape.  During that whole period, I didn't even try to date.  8 years ago or so, I gave up booze.  About 6 years ago, after a diagnosis of diabetes, I made more big life changes and have been working at getting back into shape ever since.  Now, 75 pounds lighter, I feel ready to date again.  But the reality is that, though I may have been a hotter item when I last seriously dated (around age 30), time hasn't been kind, and I no longer am.  Unfortunately, the kind of women I'm attracted to hasn't really shifted.  I've had a couple tries with women I liked, but I wasn't really attracted to, and they just didn't work.  I don't just want a friend, I want someone where there's actual chemistry.  

One of my friends put it bluntly, but humorously:  many guys (like me) are really a 4, but think they're a 6, and are trying to land an 8.  :p  :p

Everything else in your post is absolutely right on, but the bolded part--don't you play that violin around me, young man!

I was just talking about you tonight to a group of friends ... telling all sorts of stories ... they thought it was hilarious.

Sure, it sucks sometimes, and yeah, you might be sad. But it's also true that learning to be happy alone is a major key to being happy in a relationship.

Because, you know, I have SUCH GREAT relationships