TANgents welcome (#36) (Page 34)

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2008-07-25 5:41 PM
in reply to: #1560213

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Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Spokes - 2008-07-25 5:38 PM
cami bee - 2008-07-25 3:29 PM
Spokes - 2008-07-25 5:19 PM

I guess that depends on the reason you're racing. I race because if I don't I'll be content to not put 100% into my workouts, and if I do that I'll eventually fall away from it. If you're racing to beat everyone, well...you weren't born in Kenya, so good luck with it. Have you read The Flying Scotsman? It talks about a lot of the same stuff you're talking about.

I race because i would probably lie around on the couch if I didn't have something to gauge my fitness by. Of course, IF I quit racing altogether, I could just workout however the hell I felt like... I've kind of been interested in the P90X workouts that combine body weight resistance workouts to make my body look better. But one only has so much time in a day and during a week to workout. If I'd get better just running 3 miles day 3x a week and one long run of 10 miles one day, I'd just do that, but I won't improve doing that.

Why do you have to improve all the time? I find that I don't mind just maintaining every now and then.

Because... from fall 1978 to spring 1980 I was the BEST high school jazz band guitarist in the state of Iowa. People recognized me on campus when I was at Iowa. That's why, dammit.

I don't like being second.

Well, man, I don't know what to tell you...you can't be the best high school guitarist in Iowa forever, just like I won't be the worst goalie in Danville, IL's youth soccer program forever.  You just need to enjoy the things in life that make you happy, instead of focusing on everything that someone else is better at than you.

2008-07-25 5:42 PM
in reply to: #1560212

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20001000100100100
central Iowa
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:37 PM
cami bee - 2008-07-25 3:34 PM
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:29 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:24 PM

I know you're not calling me out. It's too bad you don't get nice things done for you very often. You'd probably appreciate them.

I have to REMEMBER all the little things he does everyday that help me out.. like laundry, yardwork, etc.. I tend to express affection in very obvious ways.. Lots of verbal affection, physical affection and planning fun events.. He doesn't get into any of that or really appreciate it.. He appreciates daily things (like me balancing the checkbook and paying bills)..

So one of us is busy speaking Spanish while the other one is speaking German.. It's frustrating.. but nobody ever said marriage would be easy

Dudette have you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? Seriously that book should be required for everyone old enough to drive.

I've never read it.. maybe I should.. a few friends have read it and recommended it..

Umm yeah you should read it.  Basically it talks about how there are five different "languages" of love and most of us have one or two that we primarily "speak in" if you will.  You've actually listed three in your post, you: physical touch and words of affirmation, SO: acts of service.  The other two are quality time and gifts.  The book goes into more detail of course and gives suggestions for how to communicate love and affection when you speak different languages. It's not even that long and well worth the read. 

2008-07-25 5:43 PM
in reply to: #1560214

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2008-07-25 5:45 PM
in reply to: #1560218

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2008-07-25 5:45 PM
in reply to: #1560217

Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Spokes - 2008-07-25 5:41 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:38 PM
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:29 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:24 PM

I know you're not calling me out. It's too bad you don't get nice things done for you very often. You'd probably appreciate them.

I have to REMEMBER all the little things he does everyday that help me out.. like laundry, yardwork, etc.. I tend to express affection in very obvious ways.. Lots of verbal affection, physical affection and planning fun events.. He doesn't get into any of that or really appreciate it.. He appreciates daily things (like me balancing the checkbook and paying bills)..

So one of us is busy speaking Spanish while the other one is speaking German.. It's frustrating.. but nobody ever said marriage would be easy

See, when I say I'm dumb for going down this road I'm going down its because of things like: She treats the things I do to help her out as though it's my job to do it. I don't think there's really been any appreciation there at all, ever. And yet I continue to do it, and I'm not sure why exactly. The whole thing's been, and I may have told you this before, a one way street. I do a lot and receive nothing in return.

Dude - that was how my entire 2nd marriage was. Seriously.

Dump her NOW.

She's a user. Its never going to change.

I did it for 10 years. You can walk away NOW, with very little emotionally invested.

I know, I know, you're thinking this person will come around and appreciate you. NOPE! Never will. Walk this way - far away from her.

That's what I did a few weeks ago and she just showed back up.  One of the things that's really important to me is doing things that I said I would, and I said I'd help her be ready for a tri Aug. 10.  After that I've not said "I will do this ____________ on this date ____________.  I know she would never appreciate anything I did, I would never make enough money, and I'll always be a farm boy from Southern Illinois to her.  And that's why I'm not trying to think long term.  Right now I occasionally need someone to be around, and she's there.  Maybe once I go out with the new girl I started talking to last week a few times she'll not even be in the back of my mind anymore. 

2008-07-25 5:46 PM
in reply to: #1556731

Expert
3324
20001000100100100
central Iowa
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Okay kids, I hate to leave but I said I would go to a free dinner, so I guess I should probably show up.  Enjoy your Friday evening.


2008-07-25 5:48 PM
in reply to: #1560224

Expert
3324
20001000100100100
central Iowa
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 5:45 PM
Spokes - 2008-07-25 5:41 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:38 PM
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:29 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:24 PM

I know you're not calling me out. It's too bad you don't get nice things done for you very often. You'd probably appreciate them.

I have to REMEMBER all the little things he does everyday that help me out.. like laundry, yardwork, etc.. I tend to express affection in very obvious ways.. Lots of verbal affection, physical affection and planning fun events.. He doesn't get into any of that or really appreciate it.. He appreciates daily things (like me balancing the checkbook and paying bills)..

So one of us is busy speaking Spanish while the other one is speaking German.. It's frustrating.. but nobody ever said marriage would be easy

See, when I say I'm dumb for going down this road I'm going down its because of things like: She treats the things I do to help her out as though it's my job to do it. I don't think there's really been any appreciation there at all, ever. And yet I continue to do it, and I'm not sure why exactly. The whole thing's been, and I may have told you this before, a one way street. I do a lot and receive nothing in return.

Dude - that was how my entire 2nd marriage was. Seriously.

Dump her NOW.

She's a user. Its never going to change.

I did it for 10 years. You can walk away NOW, with very little emotionally invested.

I know, I know, you're thinking this person will come around and appreciate you. NOPE! Never will. Walk this way - far away from her.

That's what I did a few weeks ago and she just showed back up. One of the things that's really important to me is doing things that I said I would, and I said I'd help her be ready for a tri Aug. 10. After that I've not said "I will do this ____________ on this date ____________. I know she would never appreciate anything I did, I would never make enough money, and I'll always be a farm boy from Southern Illinois to her. And that's why I'm not trying to think long term. Right now I occasionally need someone to be around, and she's there. Maybe once I go out with the new girl I started talking to last week a few times she'll not even be in the back of my mind anymore.

I certainly hope so, 'cause you deserve better (in my honest yet very humble opinion).

eta: One of the problems with this situation is that you are more concerned with her being ready for her tri (which can't really happen at this point anyways), than she is. 



Edited by cami bee 2008-07-25 5:49 PM
2008-07-25 5:48 PM
in reply to: #1560226

Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)

cami bee - 2008-07-25 5:46 PM Okay kids, I hate to leave but I said I would go to a free dinner, so I guess I should probably show up. Enjoy your Friday evening.

Have a good night! 

2008-07-25 5:51 PM
in reply to: #1560226

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2008-07-25 5:51 PM
in reply to: #1560230

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Edited by Spokes 2008-07-25 5:51 PM
2008-07-25 5:52 PM
in reply to: #1560224

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2008-07-25 5:55 PM
in reply to: #1560236

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2008-07-25 5:57 PM
in reply to: #1560237

Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:52 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:45 PM

That's what I did a few weeks ago and she just showed back up. One of the things that's really important to me is doing things that I said I would, and I said I'd help her be ready for a tri Aug. 10. After that I've not said "I will do this ____________ on this date ____________. I know she would never appreciate anything I did, I would never make enough money, and I'll always be a farm boy from Southern Illinois to her. And that's why I'm not trying to think long term. Right now I occasionally need someone to be around, and she's there. Maybe once I go out with the new girl I started talking to last week a few times she'll not even be in the back of my mind anymore.

Sigh.. where were you when I was 21.. We would of been MUCH better together.... (wait don't answer that.. that was 11 years ago.. i would of had to go to jail for that..)

I would have been able to drive somewhere to meet you, as long as I was home before curfew. 

2008-07-25 5:59 PM
in reply to: #1560220

Champion
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Schwamalamadingdong!
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:43 PM

What do you want to receive in return.. I express my appreciating by telling him all the time.. Planning special celebrations.. Some between the sheets action... But none of those really interest him.. He is MUCH happier when I balance the checkbook, pay bills, do chores around the house, etc.. And quite frankly.. all of those BORE me to death...


But you need to do for him what HE needs to feel appreciated, not what YOU need to do to show appreciation. It's different.
2008-07-25 6:01 PM
in reply to: #1560242

Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Spokes - 2008-07-25 5:55 PM

Other stuff... laundry could ONLY be done a certain way... and it would pile up because she was too busy sitting on the 'Net every day talking to all of her friends... meantime, the house was collapsing around her, even though she was a stay-at-home mom and had plenty of time to take care of things.

But she had PLENTY of time to play with her horses - that we couldn't afford - and whenever I'd point that out, she'd scream about it.

She broke one of my acoustic guitars into pieces one day when I told her I was tired of having the house a wreck all the time and she was spending probably 20-30 hours a week screwing with 10 horses we were BOARDING at great expense that she didn't ride.

Because they were untrained. Because I wouldn't 'build a round pen' and help her train them so she could sell them... or come up with the money to buy a 10-20 acre horse farm with a house.

She knew what I made and how we could live when we got married, but it was never enough.

That sucks man.  Yeah, I've gotten myself way to entangled in this for my own good.  Hindsight being 20/20 I should have left when she started asking when I was going to leave because there was just too much drama surrounding her.  Well, should have run for it then.   

2008-07-25 6:02 PM
in reply to: #1556731

Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
On a lighter note, mmm...oatmeal.  Finally able to eat some solidish food.

2008-07-25 6:04 PM
in reply to: #1560251

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2008-07-25 6:05 PM
in reply to: #1560255

Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Spokes - 2008-07-25 6:04 PM

Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 4:02 PM On a lighter note, mmm...oatmeal. Finally able to eat some solidish food.

Good that you can eat.

OK, this girl has already ADMITTED she's a drama queen. Fine, tell her you're leaving to star in your own spin-off series - that does NOT include her

Haha...that's awesome. 

2008-07-25 6:07 PM
in reply to: #1560244

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Edited by Sharkie 2008-07-25 6:11 PM
2008-07-25 6:09 PM
in reply to: #1560247

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2008-07-25 6:10 PM
in reply to: #1560261

Champion
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Schwamalamadingdong!
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 6:07 PM

BAD ACRONYM..


LARA!!!


Edited by TheSchwamm 2008-07-25 6:17 PM

2008-07-25 6:10 PM
in reply to: #1560261

Davenport, IA
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 6:07 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:57 PM
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:52 PM
Sprint_DA - 2008-07-25 3:45 PM

That's what I did a few weeks ago and she just showed back up. One of the things that's really important to me is doing things that I said I would, and I said I'd help her be ready for a tri Aug. 10. After that I've not said "I will do this ____________ on this date ____________. I know she would never appreciate anything I did, I would never make enough money, and I'll always be a farm boy from Southern Illinois to her. And that's why I'm not trying to think long term. Right now I occasionally need someone to be around, and she's there. Maybe once I go out with the new girl I started talking to last week a few times she'll not even be in the back of my mind anymore.

Sigh.. where were you when I was 21.. We would of been MUCH better together.... (wait don't answer that.. that was 11 years ago.. i would of had to go to jail for that..)

I would have been able to drive somewhere to meet you, as long as I was home before curfew.

Haha.. I really need to get ahold of my friend in Davenport.. I'm not sure if she's seeing someone or not but if she's avail you two should go out.. I LOVE her to death.. she's a GREAT person.. but that being said.. it's VERY hard for two people to match.. no matter how much both of them are good people..

I know how hard it is for people to match, especially at this age.  Tough period of growing up for people.  If she's not seeing anyone give me a shout. 

2008-07-25 6:12 PM
in reply to: #1560264

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2008-07-25 6:17 PM
in reply to: #1560257

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2008-07-25 6:17 PM
in reply to: #1560263

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Schwamalamadingdong!
Subject: RE: TANgents welcome (#36)
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 6:09 PM

TheSchwamm - 2008-07-25 3:59 PM
Sharkie - 2008-07-25 5:43 PM

What do you want to receive in return.. I express my appreciating by telling him all the time.. Planning special celebrations.. Some between the sheets action... But none of those really interest him.. He is MUCH happier when I balance the checkbook, pay bills, do chores around the house, etc.. And quite frankly.. all of those BORE me to death...

But you need to do for him what HE needs to feel appreciated, not what YOU need to do to show appreciation. It's different.

agreed.. and it would be easier as well if he made an effort to show he appreciated me and the work i do in the relationship and for our family..


Probably so, but you can't control what he does. All you can control is what you do and how you react to what he does.
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