Ghoulie August Assatar Challenge- Run or else (Page 67)

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Happy fffffffff  Ghoulies!

Fortunately we didn't have to resort to the taste test, but we were able to figure what a lot of the contaminants were.  The hard part was trying to figure out why our system wasn't removing them.

That's a tough one, Bill, and I'm probably the last one to give parenting advice.  I think there's a valuable lesson to be taught about integrity.  Your son made the commitment to join the team this year and there's something to be said for seeing that commitment through to the end, even if the circumstances are less than desirable.

This view is probably stemming from my own upbringing.  I was able to choose the sports I wanted to play, but the thought of quitting in the middle of the season was not an option because I really didn't want to have to face my dad with that news.

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Hello Ghoulies. I am not going to be around much today. Right after I got to work I got a call from home. My BIL and his family are in NC visiting my SIL's family. They have 3 horses, the horeses got out last night and one was hit by a van. The people in the van are ok. The horse broke it's leg among other damage and had to be put down.

I came home immediately. Right now I just finished getting breakfast ready for the kids. Next we are going to go fix fence and clean up the mess in the barn while my husband and father in law go bury the horse.

I'll talk to you all later.

Morning Ghoulies!

Happy FFFF

Dang Ann, so sorry about the horse. NOT a good way to spend a FFFF!

Morning Ghoulies! I think the Tour messed with my circadian rhythem...as I now will wake up around 5am regularly...sometimes I can get back to sleep...sometimes not. Today is a Not day. Haha. In bed on my BB.

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Bill, I am all for kids seeing through their commitments. BUT your son is not "quitting" because he doesn't like the game or the effort required or some other (what I would consider petty) reason. Staying in just to try to instill the "not quitting" ethic is a difficult one. My brother had the same problem. There were some thugs on the team and they were beyond awful and the coaches let it go because they were afraid to act like coaches. My dad made him "stick it out" and "be a man". My brother did, hated it beyond belief and never ever ever joined anything after that. What he learned was that once you started something, no matter what or how stupid, you had to stick with it. That was not what my dad was wanting to teach. Knowing when to bail is also a good thing to teach your kid. Leaving a crappy situation is not equal to not being a man.

Talking to your son about why he wants to be off THIS team and having him pay you back (not as a punishment, just out of fairness to you) and getting into some other sport that he likes would seem to me to be the ticket.

Good luck it is difficult situation.

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Edited by wgraves7582 2010-08-13 7:43 AM

Bill--my perspective (not a parent...) I think your son is probably experiencing some culture shock which tends to come with sports, especially sports with contact. Maybe he is trying to figure out how to fit in with these boys when he would clearly get into trouble with you by acting the way those boys act and doesn't himself like that environment. I really don't think my brother liked it with hockey but he kind of ended up playing into it on the ice (the boy could swear under his hockey mask--my Mom lived in a world of denial--"my son would never do that" I would watch his lips--he swore like a sailor) but boy he knew where the line was drawn in the sand for what would be accepted and what wouldn't. Maybe a discussion about this? Talk is just talk and my parents accepted that that was how it was going to be, but my brother knew if he ever started playing dirty like some of the boys did both on his team and off that he would suffer the consequences regardless of his talent. Ultimately his talent started working against him and he really didn't like it when he was constantly protecting himself from getting hit when they started hitting. By the time he was 17 he had 2 concussions in a season and he officially called it quits. I don't think my dad would have let him quit though at the beginning or end of a season. It kind of fell along the same "you signed yourself up to do it and will finish" line. The same with me and swimming, I never dared to say "I don't feel like going swimming tonight". So from that line I am with Neal on the integrity point. On the other side, I have seen a ton of athletes do a sport because there parents forced them to do it when they really did not want to be there--including my brother by the end. In most of them you could tell--they always felt sick, had an injury whether it was related to something they had done or not. So I'm not sure if the lesson of integrity is worth it by the time that starts to happen. These are just my random thoughts on the topic and I can't actually see it all to see if they make sense. Just more things to consider because I am not entirely sure which camp I feel I am on. Probably more of the integrity side I guess because he asked to do it and wanted to. Maybe give it the weekend. I think it is a comfort thing vs. The sport thing so this is what makes me say don't let him quit. (I guess I am making a statement then) i think he is afraid of being left out from this group of guys because he has never acted like that before--talk with him, draw definite lines in the sand (i think parents need to turn a blind eye to somethings...but I am not a parent)...hopefully he will adapt and make friends?? But I was good at making friends regardless of the group when I was younger. I am actually quite shy in new scenarios so it always took me a few weeks--maybe your son is the same? Again I can't see what I wrote---hope you can get what I mean.

I think it is fair too, no matter what the cost.

We went through some of the same things with the DD. She wanted to take up guitar, we paid for guitar. She wanted to quit, we made her pay for guitar. She wanted piano, we payed for lessons, she quit, we made her pay. OMG, then she took up bagpipes of all things, We told her this was her "third out". What were we thinking??? She stuck with that. She knew she liked music, it was just finding the right instrument. Unfortunately you can't know what you like until you jump in the water. She learned she could change her mind up to a point but had to pay the price of changing it as we all do. Something to factor in when deciding to quit something. Not perfect but not much on raising kids is easy or perfect. Again, good luck!

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Having to tell the coach himself is a good call, Bill. It isn't a punishment, it is dealing with the consequences of changing ones mind.

Yes, a beginning bagpipe player is torture!

(I'm on my computer now and have no need of the sunglasses indoors today )

I agree with your approach to letting him quit if you decide too. That way he is required to take responsibility for his actions to the person who spent a bunch of time/energy with him.

Good luck! 

Without reading any further, this is my take as well.  I can remember wanting to quit ice hockey when I was around 10 or 11 because "all we did are drills and it's not fun anymore" or some other reason like that.  To this day, I can still see him sitting there and telling me that I made a commitment so I should honor it.  If I no longer wanted to play after this, I could make that decision later but once you commit to something, you see it through regardless of how difficult it becomes.  Part of that commitment also meant doing your best at all times so I could not give up either.

To be perfectly honest, that experience was a huge part of the reason that I did not quit baseball in college after I tore my arm up senior year, even though I wanted to more than anything.  I wanted to see my commitment through, just like he had taught me.

Each situation is different but that was my experience.  I'd probably make him ride it out and, if he continud to do his best, give him a small reward for his perseverance.

Then again, times change and I don't have kids myself so who knows what I'd actually do in your situation.

Haha. I actually kind of make sense!

You sound surprised!

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