Beer Drinker Accountability/Appreciation Society - Open (Page 8)

Sweet! You will be amazed at the difference! Might as well go budget to begin with because once you get going....(see Alex's bike) and you will be cashing in your empties to support your tri habit!

Where did you get it from? I am looking for and inexpensive road bike for my son and it seems even the used ones cost a bundle!

Have you biked the Canmore/Banff trail? Great trail to do especially in the morning when it is less busy!

In case anyone missed this in the triathlon talk section...people were walking by my office looking at me strange as I was laughing...

I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble s***ting.

No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my -hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my cheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can't-Be-Flushed threshold.

I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. "Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don't I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!" I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. "How many Indians could there be?" said by General Custer. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" by JFK. "There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!" by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

Little did I know.


I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic s**t- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky s**t/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering s**t/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own s**t blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks."

Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for -hair - ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

As if that wasn't enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn't just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

Friends, DON'T SHAVE YOUR -HAIR!

not my work, posted on another forum and I just copied and pasted

That's quite a workout.  Makes my 1 hour jog this morning seem like a walk in the part. 

Slacker...

I am currently trying to convince parents/inlaws that Garmin is the gift for 19th wedding anniversary...matching 910's...

Although the new Tom Tom is intriguing. Heart rate monitor built into watch...no strap around chest.

http://www.tomtom.com/en_ca/products/your-sports/tomtom-multi-sport-cardio-gps-watch/white/index.jsp

Life sometimes gets in the way, especially when you have kids. If I remember correctly you have pretty good base for fitness as well as a swim background?? 16 weeks is fine, you just need to be consistent on your training from now on.

Happy Friday!! Had a great swim this morning. Hoping to sneak out for a run at lunch time permitting. May has been a great rebound month of training for me. Probably my best month in over a year. Still catching up to where I was last winter...damn I hate getting old.

On the bright side I believe Charles and David are on tap to race the HIM this weekend. Good luck gentlemen. Make sure you have a cold celebratory drink(s) waiting at the end!!

I am laying out the June Challenge for those who need a little push to train. Let's make it 28 S/B/R workouts in 30 days. That would be 7 workouts/week.

Minimums:

Swim:15 minutes.

Bike:30 minutes.

Run:20 minutes.

As long as you hit the minimums, bricks count as 2.

S/B/R only. One exception ...if you drink a dozen cans warm coors lite in one sitting, I will count that as 8 workouts. Of course if there is no video, it didn't happen...

Remember log your workouts and check in weekly!

Who is in?

I'm going to agree with everyone else at 16 weeks out you still have plenty of time to train and make up for any lost ground.

It is always difficult to figure out a time as there are so many variables involved. Shoot for under 2 hours. Weather and terrain can make a huge impact on your race. I have run identical races expecting to improve greatly but came out only slight ahead due to brutal winds. Wind, rain, hills, people(especially swim starts) can cause you issues.

If it were me I would shoot for under 2 hours but understand that variables out of your control could cause you to go over 2.

Good luck!

As for David, he is busy drinking beer at all the breweries/brewpubs with fellow BDAS member Charles while tapering for their HIM this weekend.

I'm in!  My plan calls for 38 or so workouts so I should be good to go.

2 bikes equal 1 completed workout.

Consider yourself in.