Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 9)

Just checking to see how everyone is doing.  I'v been up and down lately...more up than down, but the down has been way down.  I'm training for a marathon in Jan. and I am trying to ramp up my mileage so I joined a Challenge Group which helped me last fall/winter to stay on track.

I know the upcoming holidays are hard for a lot of people (me included) so I hope that everyone does whatever they need to do to be ready for the gray times that can come with the start of winter.

Steve

I'm Bipolar and ADHD(among other things)-currently taking Prozac, Lithium, Lamictal, and Adderall for the mental issues.  I am fairly stable, better than I have been in a long time more stable that I have ever been.  I am doing well in school.  Previously I had dropped out of 4 different colleges.  I am also holding 2 part time jobs.  No noticed side effects-unless you count my excessive posting, but I have always been really talkative when I am not depressed. 

I have been on Lamictal for about 10 years for mood stabilization. I had also been on depakote, but after about 5 years I realized it had a rather unique side effect that I had not previously noticed.  I switched to lithium at that point.  I have been on many different antidepressants- the longest period was spent on celexa/lexapro.  They lost their effectiveness.  I discussed other options with my DR and decided to try prozac-an added plus for me is that it has been found to reduce PMS related depression.  On the other antidepressants I always had several really down days each month. 

Adderall was added for the ADHD once my doctor and I had established that Prozac was working well. 

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.

Hello Everybody,

I have hit a wall on my meds and the doctor prescribed Remeron.  Anyone ever take it?   The one side effect that I worry about is the weight gain.  I've lost 35 pounds since taking up tris and don't want to go back.

Thanks!

Ted

I don't understand how I can go from a GREAT day on Wed. with getting things done and a great training session...to the ugly dark place I have been in today.  I don't see it coming and even when I try to do things that have helped me rise from the depths before I can't.  It isn't a physical "I can't" ; but a mental thing ("I need to do _______ because I know I will feel better afterward...yet I just sit there", kind of thing thing).  Have some major stress going on that I am SURE is a contributor but I had that same stress on Wed. WTF.

Thanks to all of those that check this thread and think about and pray for those who post here...you are the best.

Steve

Hey Steve,

Hang in there. Such is life with depression. Believe me, I've had the roller coasters too. After Stephanie died, the littlest things can set me off - a song, a restaurant, an event at school. But, about 1 month ago, with the help of a friend who lost her husband to cancer, I realized that it was OK for me to be OK. So I decided that just because cancer took her life, it didn't have to take mine. Since then, I've backed off one of my antidepressants - weaning to quit entirely. I've started drinking a whole lot less - from every day to a few drinks a week...unless I'm traveling on business! ;-) I've lost 7 lbs in the process without even trying. I "raced" one more time in a race I didn't plan to be in (didn't train so calling it racing is a real stretch). And, I've actually been happy. When I have my moments, I just keep telling myself, "It's OK to be OK. You've been OK earlier - you'll be OK again." Eventually I get through it.

I think I'd previously shared the 3 videos we played at Stef's funeral. I also spoke at her funeral. If you are interested, here's Greg's Tribute. It includes my 10ish minute talk and my video dedication to her.

www.artistamedia.com/media/gregstribute.wmv

Take care all. And remember, it's OK to be OK.

Greg

Thank you Greg for sharing the video - a very touching and moving tribute to Stephanie.

Cathleen

Thanks guys for the support.

I used to do some counselling  for Critical Incident Stress Management and PTSD and the likes when I was with the Fire Department and the term we used then when something happened was "abnormal things happening to normal people"...Greg's situation is a perfect example of this.  If you look at each part of our make-up/personality as a dot and you draw a circle around those dots....then that is who you are normally.  When an "event" hits you, then some of the dots are knocked out of the circle.  It takes some time for these to get back right (if they ever do) but eventually they return to a normal place or you redraw the circle to form the new you...but it takes time and Greg, I am glad you are making progress in the right direction.

As far as I go...well if it were not for some friends of mine and the training I am doing for a marathon (and tri's during the rest of the year) then I cannot imagine where I would be.  I have a family history of alcohol abuse (both sides of the family) but I made some decisions 30 years ago that have kept me away from going there...not a teetotaler...but don't come close to abusing.  I am not so sure I could remain strong enough if it were not for the training commitment to myself and helping some others as well.  I taking some fairly light duty anti-depressents and not doing any counselling yet but I am going to start fairly soon....changing insurance companies after 35 years (not by choice) so I have to see what is going to be covered....anyway...thanks for the words of encouragement...and truth be told...just sitting here typing this has been very helpful in getting some light to come through the door.  I have a 14 miler tomorrow with Dr. GoodHands (BT-sahooper) and I am actually looking forward to that.

Steve

I hope the reason no one has posted here is because they are doing very well...I hope...I hope. 

The holidays are coming and that is usually a hard time for folks with depressive thoughts and even some who don't experience them any other time of year.  So I hope everyone has worked hard at getting things in order to help cope/treat/manage etc. the things that are going to pile up in the next few months.

 Be safe and be strong everyone.

Steve

I am a high-strung emotional wreck. 

Of course, when I saw my psychiatrist last week I was feeling great, optimistic, and like nothing could go wrong.  RED FLAG-nothing could go wrong??? Sounds like I was manic at the time and didn't realized it.  Now I am rapid cycling-one moment on the verge of tears and a few hours later I am as high as a kite, living in my perfect little world.  Then, when I can't find find something(keys, an assignment for school, etc) or I am trying to do something and it doesn't go just as planned the world shatters and I go into a panic/anxiety attack.  To keep from going completely nutty I just have to completely shut down, withdrawing into myself and focus on breathing-in....and out....in....and out....

I currently am focusing on breathing and will, when my lungs are once again functioning, go out for a run.  Unfortunately, this throws my afternoon plans out the window and leaves a couple of friend in a tight place-too much to do and stuck taking buses or hoofing it.

Being Bipolar Sucks   Any other manic-depressive person-or their close friends and family-could easily confirm this.

Alright-I am headed to a corner to sit on the floor and "meditate" (zone out).  I'll try to check in this evening.  I hope that everyone is doing well-and if not, remember that we are all here for you.  If anyone every needs someone to spill/vent to feel free to PM me.  

Hey everyone!

Some of you have posted on my training calendar (thank you) so I thought I'd say hello.

 We are managing in Houston. The kids are doing OK but my 8 yr old daughter talks of killing herself. I don't think she means it, but she says she wants to be with mom again. I have her and my 10 yr old seeing a play therapist. I hope she can help.

We've just hired an Au Pair to live with us. She is from Spain. We are very excited to have her join our family. It will give the kids some consistency and give me some flexibility.

Finally, I've taken the plunge and signed up for IM Cozumel. I'll be doing the MS150 (2 day ride from Houston to Austin to raise money for MS) so that will be a good start to the training for IM. The kids are excited. I'm scared. So we are going for it! Having the Au Pair will help me have time to train.

I am finding that having something out there to work towards is huge in keeping my spirits up.  I could easily live moment to moment - and have. But when I do I lose sight of my future. And I choose to believe I have a good future.

I hope you are all well. I know the challenges. Today I got rocked at church then again this afternoon. And, I continue to push on and push through. It's not ever easy - but it is always worth it.

TRI-ing is Living,

Greg

So great to hear from you Greg...great news about the Au Pair. I am so glad your spirits are up and that the kids are getting to talk to a professional...That will be huge for them now and in the future.

I am so envious that you are doing IM Cozumel...WOW...you ROCK.

Glad to hear from you and be strong and know that we are thinking about you and yours.

Steve

Hi:

I came to the injuries board today, to post a thread asking if anyone felt so depressed that they just wanted to give up on their training.  Yay when I saw this thread.  Now I feel not so alone.  Sometimes I feel like everyone here on beginnertriathlete has it all together with their training, etc.  Everyone is so excited about it and life (so it seems) so I was beginning to feel I was strange.  I am grateful for this thread.

 I am 34 female and am training for my first triathlon with TNT (hopefully Wildflower in CA - although I hear that one is "difficult" for a first tri so I am re-contemplating) and have also signed up for the NYC Tri.

I was very excited.  I am fit and trained a lot as it was - as some of you know - to lose 180+ lbs, although this week I have gained 2.5 lbs.  I just feel like crying (and yesterday I did).  (1) over the gained pounds and (2) because I just feel like maybe I really can't do this.  Typically I work out at least 13 hours per week and enjoy running, swimming, biking, kickboxing, etc.   So I signed up for the tri.  I am so excited.  I even enjoy the workouts with TNT - they are so much fun those people.

This week though, especially with the weight gain I started becoming depressed.  Plus I go to PT for runner's knee which was doing great (no pain) but started acting up this past weekend a little because I was jumping around in my apartment with no shoes on (I was really excited about something.)  On top of that my plantar fasciatis has decided to act up this week and so my foot has been sore again in the mornings.

So I am like - maybe I am not reaaaaaally cut out for this.  Maybe I CAN'T do it like my first stupid orthopedist said that I am not "built" for it or whatever.  Although the new orthopedist (a triathlete) said the old orthopedist was completely wrong and that I just needed physical therapy.  I love my sports rehabilitation PT place by the way - they are awesome.  And my insurance is paying for it.

I just feel so depressed now and like maybe I can't do it.  On top of that I have been lazy going to the gym this week.  Must swim tonight.  I already skipped a thirty minute swim session on my TNT schedule.  I wanted to go to the scheduled group run tonight but because of my runner's knee and foot acting up decided not to go even though I was super excited about it.  So now I feel like I cannot even do the things that I really wanted to do.  Maybe I am just not good enough.

Bleah.  And I just feel like crying here at my desk.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?

By the way, I do go to therapy (twice weekly) for my severe depression/PTSD and I gladly take 250 mg Lamictal a night, which really helps.  (Just wanted everyone to know that.)

 I don't know.  Maybe something can be done. Maybe not.

I hate to complain.  So many people are homeless or hungry or in child slavery or something in the world.  My little depression cannot compare.  I try to remind myself of just how blessed I am with friends and housing and food and loads of clothes.

I just get depressed feeling like maybe I shouldn't even try for the tri because maybe I can't really do it.  I mean look - I really wanted to go to the TNT meeting tonight but now must skip it.  And I was so excited about going to all of the scheduled activities.

Bleah.

Danett

Ive had those thougts....why am i here doing this, I suck, I'm a poseur, etc etc etc.  Its BS.  Its the stupid depression talking.  you CAN do it, you know that.   So, get out there and do it.  SOmetimes its tough to get started, and sometimes you'll still feel like youre a posuer, but dammit, when youre done, it feels good and those thoughts are gone.

 Hang in there....I know I am trying to.

Another sympathetic voice.

You are a big-time winner in my book. Raising funds, thinking of others, doing as much training as you can (and it's always unwise to do more than that!), taking care of your illness. It's easy for others to say "You're doing great", of course, but I so appreciate the people who remind me of what I CAN do when I'm feeling down.

And you're not alone, certainly not here on BT. Many of us may seem to have it all together, but when I recently went through a suicidal depression with psychotic breaks (sometimes still), I was overwhelmed with how many loving BTers shared their own struggles and how they overcame them with me.

I guess that I am not very good at checking back in...

'bout the other day...I did a little venting and got a bit of sleep and things started to become more doable. School suffered a bit, but on the bright side-I am not going to get any more emails from the Phi Theta Kappa group cluttering my inbox anymore.

Currently I am doing great mentally, but I've got a nasty virus wreaking havoc on my airways. 

When it comes down to it I will take the terrible hacking and congestion over depression every time.  What sucks the most right now is that I can't follow through on my challenge goals. 
 

hi peeps... I just started seeing a shrink ... I'd been to one years ago but figured I needed some help again. I've been on antidepressants on and off for years. My current meds don't seem to be working and I'm isolating and rather dreary as of late. I'm also hypothyroid so perhaps those meds are off?!? checking on in January. Anyhow... training seems to be my Godsend! I get into a zone when training - particularly with running (which I've really had to work at in terms of my abilities). I'm struggling with my lack of emotional closeness with my husband, finding and maintaining female relationships, dealing with a child that has had some behavioral issues, a father that has cancer, food issues, finding work that pays well but is part time (oxymoron I know) etc...and beating myself up over leaving a great job for a job that bombed, and debt etc... as long as I don't wallow, I'm good! So then comes the never- ending -gotta -keep- busy -so- I -don't- feel- overwhelmed -day to- day- pattern ,but in fact, I really could just use a day to sleep in without guilt! LOL I'm clean and sober and smoke free and although I don't think I'd pick up I realize that if I were to start up, I'd lose a hell of alot! So I am taking steps to keep sane or at least find a more happy place in my heart.

Ok...so now that I've vented to complete strangers... maybe I feel a bit better. I also realize that getting outside myself and being of service to others helps immensely! So I need to get out of my own way

Edit: NMAN - so glad you are doing better. You have had one hell of a year but I truly believe that things ALWAYS get better - just hang in there for the miracle!

hey folks, I'm just checking in.  Hopefully everyone is enjoying (at least a little) the holidays.  I am doing well, but I am a bit burned out.  I think that it may be time for a change of employment, but I hear that jobs can be a bit hard to come by right now.  hmmm.

Best wishes to everyone! 

Your story's very similar to mine as of late, minus the hypothyroidism. Thanks for the good thoughts and I wish you all the best. I admire you very much on the forums and it's lovely to meet a fellow sober/moodie.

As some of you know, I went through an abysmal crash, a suicidal depression with a psychotic break, from about August through October, went through two hospitals, and am still recovering from it.

I was very lucky to achieve good balance with meds fairly quickly (Cymbalta + Risperdal), but the Risperdal (an antipsychotic) gave me big leaky boobs and I was exhausted all the time and felt like I was slogging through wet cement or water.

I'm on Cymbalta + Abilify + Benadryl (for side effects) now and am doing somewhat better; however, the Abilify seems to make me jittery and not sleep well, so it may need to be swapped out if I don't adjust to it soon.

Otherwise, I'm doing really well. I've had two good weeks (just normal weeks) in a row, which was unthinkable just a few weeks ago, really. I'm signed up for IMKY in August and am in pre-training to get myself used to structured training again. Again, unthinkable just a little while ago. 

Looks like a thread roll call, so I'll jump in.

Overall, things are good here. I've tried to ignore Christmas - but it's hard to do with three kids. Yesterday things hit me hard. I was more down than I've been in over a year. One of my colleagues had Christmas music playing and I had to ask her to turn it down. It was depressing. Facing life without my wife had been manageable until now. I got some sleep last night so feel better today.

On Christmas day, we'll wake up and the kids and I will open gifts (actually, they'll open - I've got nothing) then I'll take them to my late wife's parents house in N Louisiana. They are staying there for 8 days so I don't have to hire a sitter next week. Plus it gives them some good time with Stef's family. They are afraid to lose contact with their grandkids, so this not only helps me but is a gesture of good faith to them.

I guess the good news is I've started meeting new people - dating I guess. I wasn't going to sit around and sulk. I could play the victim card or I can live my life. I've met several great people, so it's all been good. I've just about got one of them to sign up for a tri.

I hope all is well for you! Merry Christmas!

Greg

Yanti - thanks for the welcome. And I'm bowing to you for you IM goal this year - that is awesome and you have the chutzpah, experience, and I will look forward to hearing how it progresses.

Greg - good for you! Yeah, life goes on and I know if my husband were in your shoes that I'd want and expect him to find happiness again.

tricupcake - where in WI? I'm in WI! And yeah, this time of year can be brutal on single peeps or any peeps really because we all seem to have some corny 'ideal' of what is the perfect holiday based on watching some old movie, remembrances of past holidays (and at least for me I seem to forget the not so nice things that happened and romanticize the rest).

Lately if I hear that song by Faith Hill (also sung by Cindy Loo Who) 'Where are you Christmas?" I can get all choked up... But when I think about it, I have a choice. I can choose to feel sorry for myself or find the joy if not within me, within others and the holiday itself and turn this around. The beauty of it all is that triathlon has taught me some good life lessons.... never give up

tricupcake - 2008-12-23 8:56 PM ] I was in the Dells this weekend. And I've been trying to find the joy in life but it seems as if something always comes around to kick me down again. But I will keep trying

Oh! Oh! Did ya do some water slide action?!?!? The first time I went there - about 7 years ago and nearly 40 at the time, I was like WOW! It's water version of Disney! Lots of fun, cornball stuff, and junk food. I live about 1.5 hours away from there.

If life throws me a bad hand --- esp. if its more than once - I hang on to the 'bad things happen in 3's' and then things look up again. Hang in there!