Becoming Sober (Page 9)

You'll know when it's time...

On another note, I got a 20 mile bike ride in with my sponsor today...we didn't talk a lot, but it was a great time..

I realize I am a couple of months late in responding here, but like any other proud recovering alcoholic I have to chime in! Next month I will be celebrating my 2nd birthday and damn does it feel good! I really would suggest if you are struggling to quit drinking on your own to attend an AA meeting. I tried to quit by myself and it was an impossible up and down battle. For me personally, I felt going to AA for the first time was very nerve racking, embarrassing, scary, every bad emotion mixed up in one. But I fully attribute my sobriety to those meetings. It's hard to say good bye to your party friends but sometimes they just can't understand and that is what's necessary. New people will come along that will help make your life easier and more enjoyable. 

I apologize if any of this is not relevant to your case or because I'm sure I am restating what so many others have already said but I did not feel like reading all ELEVEN pages of this post! Check out that kind of support! I'm already proud of you for making the decision, and if you ever need support or an ear to listen you have hundreds of them here on BT.

The last bolded part is key - one day at a time.

As to the first bolded part, I am not in AA but I am in a 12 step program as of November, abstinence since January. I tell the newcomers lately that I think the second meeting is the hardest, not the first. You go to the first one with the idea that you will just listen, check it out, keep an open mind. To go to the second meeting, you feel like "oh f%^$. I'm one of them."

By the fifth meeting, I was glad to be "one of them" and I am glad I'm not in it alone.

That's awesome!  I just love hearing that you feel hopeful, and from the sounds of it are finding happiness and some peace right now 

3 days is huge!!!!  Congrats!!  3 days id harder than 3 months and 3 month harder than 3 years.  IMHO

Good idea on checking out a meeting. Some people love clubhouse meetings. Every meeting has a slightly different flavor. So if one doesn't fit, try another. 

Keep coming back

  Nice going smarti! I agree with the 3 days is huge part mentioned by another poster. Now just keep stringing days together and you'll be at week one before you know it.

  I finally got a relative of mine to make some meetings this week. I'm not very optimistic about her immediate short term sucess as she's not fully commited just yet. She's finally owned up to her problem which is a huge step, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed for her. I'm going to go to a meeting with her this weekend which will be the first meeting I've attended in almost 10 years!

That is beautiful to hear.

One day at a time.

AA's doors are always open if you want to explore ... (and last I heard they weren't going to change the 12 Steps anytime soon, ha, so there's that too. ) But yeah, you know the drill, so live, try, breathe, and if you need or want something else ... you know you've got good company waiting for you.

{MELON PRESS}

I remember when you came to BT, and had your daughter, and struggled with leaving her in daycare when she was about 7 months old ... and what you've posted about her recently ... you're a wonderful soul and loving mom. Takes a lot of courage to post about ways you feel like you need to change, and I'm thinking of you a lot and wishing you the best.

Atta Way Smarti, keep it up.  One day at a time.  Think of all the quality time you are spending with the little one...   Keep thinking of all the positives in life.

Go you!!

That's awesome!!!

Another 20 mile ride tonight with my sponsor...Woot!

Just found this thread...wow!

A few thoughts from a guy who is 9.5 years sober.

Tyler.....I don't know the exact stat, but most people have to try a number of times to get it right and stay sober.  Keep at it. .

You need to say goodbye to your old friend.  You may even have to mourn the loss of your old friend.  Trying to quit and quitting are two different things. I went through the full blown grieving process before I could go forward with any confidence.

Getting sober and staying sober are not accidental.  If you don't have a plan then it ain't going to happen.  Your plan should be something like...."What am I going to do today to stay sober.?"  When I started out I had to plan my hours of sobriety....my minutes.  Lunch time AA meetings in roomfuls of strangers.  A quick meeting before the drive home.  One right in town at the end of the exit ramp....all over the place.  You don't have to go to AA forever, but it sure helps in the first  6 months to go a lot.

Quit finding reasons to get drunk!  There are no reasons to get drunk.  Get it? There is never just one drink for me or any other alcoholic.  How bout you?  When is the last time you had just one drink? Literally one?

Everything is a reason to stay sober.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it only gets worse.  When did I know it was time to quit?  By the age 35 I was a hardened drinker.  I never drove while drunk, I just made sure to have enough in the house to get the job done.  My wife would work nights for days in a row, so I wouldn't see her for great big stretches.  I would spend that time getting ripped and then sobering up enough to hold down my job. When she had an off spell I spent days trying to hide the shakes and having only one beer to keep them at bay.  I new I had a problem for years.

It got to the point where I wouldn't be sober in the morning.  I'd still be drunk and smelly going to work.  It was common for me to wake up in the middle of the night as the drunk was wearing off and not be able to sleep.  I would ride it out till morning and go to work.  Then one night I managed to stand up at about 2:00 am.  It was a moonlit night and I could see the room like the light was on.  I was shaking, and sweating and choking back vomit.  My head hurt.  My mouth was all paste.  I took one step an fell to my knee.....and I thought..."I need a drink."  And then I thought.." I need to drink more or I need to quit, because the amount I just drank was not the right amount."  I was that guy who needed to wake up in the middle of the night to drink so he could sleep.  Yay ME!!!  Total podium level of effort.

I quit for nine months, and then fell off the wagon.  I picked myself up and went to AA and have been working it day by day for 9.5 years.

Some days are better than others, still.  Sometimes I say I am gonna have a drink tomorrow just to get through today.  Some days I still miss my buddy.  But it does not feel so lonely without it anymore.

Its not rambling...its all good.  Telling us things helps us stay sober too.  You dont have to call yourself anything and you only have to not drink today.  Thats all.

I dont think you should worry about hi-jacking the thread.  

First.  Congrats to you!  and SUPER BIG CONGRATS on going to a meeting.  I never wanted to go to one, and in fact, during the first one, I sat in the parking lot and didn't even go in.  fast forward, just this morning, I posted on another thread at a recovery website that I look forward to my meetings, and I might even hit up a new meeting here or there.  That one hour in a meeting can keep me from thinking about "The drink" for days.  the meetings are working.

Second, you have a legitimate concern about talking with your husband.  I had the same with my wife.  She is very supportive of me (I was drinking heavily, she wasn't).  Now she has tapered down her drinking and doesn't really drink in front of me.  All is good in our house.  I hope all goes well for you too!

Smarti please don't feel as though you are hi-jacking this thread.  Post here daily if you want too.

I love this thread so much.  I come to it every day and read through it.

It's tough, becoming sober, and a never ending battle I am afraid, we all need all the help we can get.

Indeed ... this is a very positive thread.

I will say from my own experience, which is many years of abusive drinking (and behavior!) followed by 5 years of trying to quit, off and on, in and out of AA, always relapsing, and finally now a bit over 9 years sober a day at a time ...

It is MUCH harder to GET sober than to STAY sober.

It can definitely be tough at first. I see this as similar to any change/growth process, including tri training! It can be really hard, especially for those who have really struggled with negative habits, to change and move in another direction, to create new habits and health. But once those have been established for a while, they're just what we do, and after a while more than that ... it's who we are.

I promise you that it is not a never ending battle. That period of struggle may last longer than you'd like (just like getting used to regular training may take longer to establish than we like and improvement be a bit lower than we'd like!) ... but the cliche is absolutely true that the journey is the reward.

I'd like to say that my life now is so much better than it was before. The reason I can't put it quite that way is that it would be comparing apples and oranges. I'm in such a different mindset and way of life now that it just can't be compared.

My prayers remain with both of you as you are trying out these other ways of doing life, and I wish you all the best. I do hope you post here or in your blogs.

No such thing as hijack when it comes to this.  Our stories help each other.  Blogging can be great, but dont forget those of us who need to hear about you as much as you need to talk about it.  Hope the meeting was OK for you.

Big part of sobriety is surrounding yourself with other sober folks you can talk to and understand where youre coming from.  Weekends can be tough especially in beginning.  Dont forget WE are here for you.  Post here, PM someone, whatebver you need, just reach out and someone will be there.

Keep coming back!

Jeez man, look what you started!

have a good weekend and thanks for starting this.  It is helping a lot of people along.

Indeed. And I am thinking also people who may have similar difficulties but aren't ready to post quite yet. Or other folks who can relate to sobriety and may simply prefer not to post.

BbMoozer - 2012-04-28 7:27 AM Yes, awesome thread! And it gives me the opportunity to say that as of today, the last time I took a drink was 20 years ago. Took me a while to get the hang of 'one day at a time' but thank God I finally grasped the concept of staying sober. Did it one day at a time with tons of help from others traveling this same path. For those new, it DOES get better. I know if I had not gotten sober that I'd be living a miserable existence - that is if I would have survived this long. My life is full of gifts...its not always easy but even the suckball days are a thousand times better than my hung-over "I'll never drink like that again' days (which by the way were very short lived because I'd be out there drinking up a storm within a day or 2)

CONGRATULATIONS Sarah!!! Happy Sober Anniversary and of course a huge joyous {MELON PRESS}!