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My husband doesn't want me to this because...... (Page 2)
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 2009-07-09 3:13 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
MotoQueen  13195     |  Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because......Talk with your hubby. My hubby and I talk about everything. And after almost losing me to cancer three years ago he understands my need to LIVE each day to the fullest. Who wants a life where you regret not going for the things you wanted to. Prior to 2006 I never thought that I could do a triathlon. After the cancer, I said the he$$ with it and decided to give it a try (no pun intended). He actually signed up to do my first tri with me and he can barely swim the length of the pool. That was the only tri he has done, but I now have four under my belt and plan to have many more before I head out of this life. You're not going to be happy if you don't give it a shot, where as with him, once you have shown him how much it means to you, and you have the clearance from your doctor, maybe he will come around and support you again. Show him how many people survive the races. Start with small sprints so that you are out of the water sooner. The pool sprints are a good suggestion. |
| 2009-07-09 3:14 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
Champion 7558  Albuquerque, New Mexico | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... Lots of issues floating around here (hah...catch the pun?) I can see him being concerned about your welfare, particularly with his life experiences. Please do not discount/invalidate his concerns, they're as real for him as yours are to you. There are a number of potential solutions including: don't do triathlons (maybe doesn't work so well for you), pool-only tri's, joint discussion with a doctor, racing anyways (maybe doesn't work so well for him), swim lessons for him. I think there is a difference (a big difference) between expressing a concern and "forbiding" some activity. My wife and I have had discussions about her running alone. Yes, I'm concerned, and there are areas that I've suggested she not run when alone (no reason to court danger), but I'm not telling her she cannot run alone. On a lighter note, is he worried that you'll turn into a hot tri chick and he won't be able to stop the tri-perps (that'd be us tri-guys) from following your pace-booty? |
| 2009-07-09 4:07 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
| New user 14 | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... Thanks for all the input. DH is not being malicious in any way and he would NEVER demand I not do it but he worries; especially now since we have a baby. I know once we sit down and talk more about it he will be fine. I know he will still worry but it will be ok. It's just hard when I've been SO excited about this and his worry just puts a little cloud over it is all. I am certainly going to see my cardiologist again and go from there. |
| 2009-07-09 4:27 PM in reply to: #2272993 |
Pro 6767 the Alabama part of Pennsylvania | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... trybaby2010 - 2009-07-09 11:43 AM He hasn't said it's out of the question I know it's just general concern. He is scared of the water so swimming makes him nervous anyway. We work really well together so that's a non issue but I'm wondering how likely this whole drowning issue is. THIS is the key to the issue. He is likely projecting his own anxieties about bad things happening in water. Before I got to this part, my own suggestion would have been to have him volunteer to be a safety boater at the race, and keep close to you for his own sake. But I doubt he would do that if he is afraid of water. My suggestion is to take him to the pool with you and get him more comfortable with water in general. He might get a little freaked that he can't swim 50 yards when you are planning to do much more at your race, but if he gets more comfortable with the water, and also sees that you can hold your own for long periods, he should be able to relax a bit. My own experience about compromise and danger in marriage is that mrs gearboy allows me to do almost anything I want, with the exception of riding motorcycles and sleeping with other women. She gets anxious about my SCUBA diving, especially after I knew a couple of divers who drowned. But one of the compromises one makes in a marriage (IMHO) is to accept some risks on the part of the cautious member while not overwhelming the anxiety of the other by the more adventurous member. |
| 2009-07-09 5:29 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
Queen BTich 12411 , | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... I'm sorry you're going through this, and I do know marriage is a compromise. However, I see the other side of the coin. It is your life and if you feel healthy and are willing to take the *slight* risk (that your doctor has no problem with) then you need to make your own decision while trying to make him comfortable with it. (A supportive spouse while training is ideal!) Hopefully he'll get over it enough to be supportive, even if he stays slightly nervous. There are many on this site with past and current medical problems. Cancer surviors, brain tumor surviors. It's a risk for someone who has had brain surgery to ride their bikes, but its a quality of life issue that each person needs to make for themselves. Personally, I couldn't deal with someone telling me I couldn't participate in whatever sport I wanted. Edited by Comet 2009-07-09 5:29 PM |
| 2009-07-09 6:35 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
Expert 1170 Southern Pines, NC | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... trybaby2010 - 2009-07-09 10:42 AM Okay, this is a new one to me what do you guys & gals think? My husband was looking on line last night for tri bike and gear for me because I'm wanting to get in to this. Well, he comes across this article about triathlons and drowning. Well, now he's having second thoughts about me doing this. WTH????? The article talked about underlying heart conditions such as arrhythmia being stimulated during the adrenaline & excitment of racing. If you pass out due to the arrhythmia while your in the water then you drown. Yes I do occassionally have arrhythmia but I've never passed out from them and they are NOT ventricular so it's not a problem. I'm just crushed. How hard is it to train without your spouses support? I mean really. If it's my time to go it's time to go whether I'm in the lake, my car or falling off my sofa. Give me a break! Ugh! This is so frustrating. Has anyone ever been at a race and someone drowned? Ugh! Sorry for the rant but I am livid! Statistically speaking, the most dangerous thing about any triathlon is the drive to the race site. Just sayin'. |
 2009-07-09 7:00 PM in reply to: #2272993 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-07-09 7:08 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
| Regular 281 | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... Divorce him. Jk. You can get this. http://www.triaids.com/SwimSafe.htm I bet your husband could also get a kayak and ask the race director if he could kind of escort you if he promises to stay way off the course. |
| 2009-07-09 8:41 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
| 108 | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... Why is everyone assuming the husband is an irrational control freak? The OP states that she has an arrhythmia, so I think that is a valid concern. She also made additional posts indicating that her husband didn't tell her no, but that he was worried. I think there is a lot of good advice here already, about getting clearance from a doc and starting with pool swims. Sure, for most of us, the drive to the lake is more dangerous than the swim in the lake. But it sounds like she has a pre-existing condition that she should think about before diving in to tris (ha! - pun intended). Everyone has a different relationship so who am I to say that the way me and my husband handle things is better than how another couple handles them? With that said, hope the husband gets comfortable with it and supports your training and racing! |
| 2009-07-09 8:45 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
| New user 14 | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... Good news!  DH & I have talked more about this and he is coming around. He just wants me to pay EXTRA attention to my body and if I have trouble with my arrhythmia that I won't just suck it up and will pull out if I have to. I can usually feel when my heart is racing so that makes perfect sense. I'm planning to do the Diva Dash with a good friend of mine who has done 4 or 5 tris before and he agreed to see how it goes. What makes his fears worse is when he talks to his friends that have done a few tris and they talk about how much they HATE the swim and how hard the swim is. These guys that he talks to are really athletic and run & bike like mad men so it doesn't help my cause when he hears from them about how killer the swim is. Anyway, all is good. It will take time. I know the more I practice and the more time he spends watching me swim and getting in the water himself it will get better. all I can say is wish me luck!  |
| 2009-07-09 8:57 PM in reply to: #2274873 |
| New user 14 | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... NC Runner - 2009-07-09 8:41 PM Why is everyone assuming the husband is an irrational control freak? I have to say that he is NOT in any way a control freak so I guess I should have cleared that up earlier in the thread. He is far from that. NC you are right about the pre existing condition and I know his concern is valid. It just caught me so off base from him b/c we are both usually " fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of people and live life to the fullest with no regrets because you might wake up with cancer one day" so it just really through me off totally. I wasn't sure if this was even a factor in triathlons and I wanted to find out what everyone else had experienced with training & spouse support or lack of. I do appreciate the in put because I did bring up a lot of topics when we talked about it this evening. He likes the idea of the swimaid especially for training. Thanks again! |
| 2009-07-10 1:06 AM in reply to: #2272715 |
| Expert 697 Northern CA | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... My husband doesn't get a say in what my hobbies are and vice versa. Only in how much money we spend on them. |
| 2009-07-10 10:32 AM in reply to: #2272715 |
| Extreme Veteran 660 Texas | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... Glad you and your DH are working through this! I agree with the others who said to start with pool swim tris and let your hubby see that you are fine in the water. Baby steps! |
| 2009-07-10 12:11 PM in reply to: #2272715 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2009-07-10 12:21 PM in reply to: #2274876 |
| Champion 10471 Dallas, TX | Subject: RE: My husband doesn't want me to this because...... trybaby2010 - 2009-07-09 8:45 PM Good news! DH & I have talked more about this and he is coming around. He just wants me to pay EXTRA attention to my body and if I have trouble with my arrhythmia that I won't just suck it up and will pull out if I have to. I can usually feel when my heart is racing so that makes perfect sense. I'm planning to do the Diva Dash with a good friend of mine who has done 4 or 5 tris before and he agreed to see how it goes. What makes his fears worse is when he talks to his friends that have done a few tris and they talk about how much they HATE the swim and how hard the swim is. These guys that he talks to are really athletic and run & bike like mad men so it doesn't help my cause when he hears from them about how killer the swim is. Anyway, all is good. It will take time. I know the more I practice and the more time he spends watching me swim and getting in the water himself it will get better. all I can say is wish me luck! The swim is a killer because they probably suck at swimming.  Learn how to swim right... get a coach... the swim can be FUN! Too bad it's the shortest part of the race! |
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