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Do the dishes... (Page 3)
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 2011-02-18 10:16 PM in reply to: #3362600 |
Veteran  243   Cuernavaca, Mexico |  Subject: RE: Do the dishes...lamb_y2003 - 2011-02-18 8:48 PM Big Appa - 2011-02-18 10:36 AM TriToy - 2011-02-18 7:46 AM Another way of saying this is that marriage is a partnership. This is why I am no longer married. I was a single mother for many years inside that marriage and I finally just felt resentment. I think the authors is pointing to different ways to try to deal with and fix the situation that you had before it gets to the point of no return. My ex said the same thing to me about feeling like a single parent, she had to do everything. The problem was that we had NO communication had we had no skills or knowledge how to fix our problems. I know now the things I did wrong in the marriage and I'm working on correcting them. I know for a fact that by the time we started having problems my ex was already checked out and that nothing would bring her back. In the same note I would never have made the changes I have if I was still with my ex so really our marriage was doomed from the beginning. Now I am able to take the advice and knowledge I have received and use that from the beginning of my next relationship to start off from a good foundation. Crud, are you my ex husband?  I was the single mom partner in your scenario and, while my ex did a lot of things wrong (ha, I just deleted a list - nope, no baggage here! ), I think there's never a total breakdown that's the fault of just one partner. Our communication was non-existent by the end, despite things being amicable, and that was NOT just his fault, it was mine too. Too many nights spent seething on opposite sides of the couch watching Law & Order. LOL!That said, doing the dishes would not improve things in a relationship with me. That's an expectation I have of my partner and you can get out if you won't pull your weight (and yes, I'm single right now - ha ha!). But being openly loving will get you where you want to be - take the time to hold my hand, pay me a sincere compliment, notice me, shoot me a wink, tell me you love me. I believe that you choose to be in a relationship with someone because you think they are special and they think you are. All I require is that you remind me that I'm still a gem in your eyes. Sigh. Did I mention I'm single? Aaah! A romantic… I’m right there with you… |
| 2011-02-18 10:23 PM in reply to: #3362600 |
Champion 17756   SoCal | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... |
| 2011-02-19 7:42 AM in reply to: #3355681 |
| Subject: RE: Do the dishes... These threads are always good for my marriage. Helps me stop and think and then I start asking my husband questions. But I don't really understand the whole I don't know what needs to done thing. Why is it expected that I should know what needs to be done? What if I just walked around all day saying "You didn't tell me what I need to do. I can't read your mind." IMHO having an active role in a household, family, relationship, means you figure it out. My hubby does do the dishes. I play with the kids, he does the dishes. The other way around means I do the dishes, he sits in the recliner, the kids pester me to no end or run screaming through the house. He would rather do the dishes. Another important factor to our happy marriage is separate bathrooms! He doesn't like it when his brush is full of long hair and I don't like looking at all his toothpaste spit in the sink. We moved in our house almost 4 years ago and I went straight to the spare bathroom. He can have the master - I don't even care. Also recognizing that roles change. Before children we divided up the chores more. Now I'm a stay at home mom so I do almost all the housework. Not fun, I don't enjoy it, but I recognize that it is my responsibility and try not to complain. Yesterday hubby worked a 14 hour day. Not really fair to expect him to do the laundry too! And somebody mentioned rearranging the dishwasher. I am guilty of this. It has nothing to do with how my husband puts the dishes in but it's more about making room for additional dishes to fit. I will move every dish in the dishwasher to fit one more cup before I will fill the sink and wash it. I didn't say it makes sense, it's just what I do  It always seemed odd to me that he would take this personally like I was indirectly saying he was doing it wrong. It's more like a puzzle challenge to me. |
| 2011-02-19 9:27 AM in reply to: #3362815 |
| Payson, AZ | Subject: RE: Do the dishes... trigal38 - 2011-02-19 6:42 AM And somebody mentioned rearranging the dishwasher. I am guilty of this. It has nothing to do with how my husband puts the dishes in but it's more about making room for additional dishes to fit. I will move every dish in the dishwasher to fit one more cup before I will fill the sink and wash it. I didn't say it makes sense, it's just what I do It always seemed odd to me that he would take this personally like I was indirectly saying he was doing it wrong. It's more like a puzzle challenge to me.I do this too, for the same reasons, and it is amazing how personally my partner takes that. Or at least is pretending to take it personally so she won't load the dishwasher. I try pointing out that I rearrange stuff I myself have loaded but no dice. |
| 2011-02-19 6:09 PM in reply to: #3355681 |
| Subject: RE: Do the dishes... Ah ha! I'm not the only one! |
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