Working the land... (Page 3)

Those aren't berms, that's where Lefty plans to put the tannerite, start thinking of them as blast sites.

I'll summarize the upcoming event and see if we missed anything.

1. Alcohol- beer, whiskey, Everclear (for Mimosas). OJ.

2. Airplane, for aerial assessment of bomb damage.

3. Tannerite- apparently enough binary explosive that the folks in NE will feel the aftershock. Tony will know we're on his property before he leaves Nebraska.

4. Boat- to get explosives out to the berms. We're all triathletes, so don't bother with life vests.

5. Alcohol- Wine, red and white, for the coastal elite types, see 1.

6. Food- bacon, Wonder bread and tomatoes.

7. Firearms and enough .223 to kill every fur bearing slab tailed bastage that is unfortunate enough to wander into Iowa.

8. Alcohol- Jack Fire, see 1 and 5.

9. Band aids, Bactine and tourniquets.

Looks like we got everything covered except, Mayo or Miracle Whip, both? Can I take a beaver with a .22? If not, I'll need to borrow an assault rifle from someone. I know my 12 ga. side by side would just ruin the fur, see below.

And does anyone of you yahoos know how to preserve fur? I'm thinking I'd like to work on a btchin' P-Diddy beaver coat in the morning whilst you guys are comatose, processing alcohol.

War story time...

From my archives:

Went out on my bike this morning and saw a dead mink on the side of the road. I was only about 10 miles out when I passed him and did not want to carry a dead mink with me on my ride but I decided to get him on the way home. I had a mini-Leatherman tool in my seat pack with a small blade so I would just take the hide.

On the way back I stopped and skinned him right there on the side of the road. I hit my watched when I stopped and when I started back riding again and my mink-skinning split was 6 minutes flat! I found an empty Kroger plastic bag and put the pelt in there, put it in my riding jersey back pocket and rode home. When I got home, my son and I finished cleaning/scrapping/preparing the hide.

OK then, you might be a redneck if you stop to take road kill hides on your bike ride!

~Mike

Update on the story...

Someone recently asked me what I ever did the hide. I wrote this:

My son and I cleaned it. We started trying to clean the hide with a knife, scrapping it but we accidently cut it. So we Googled 'how to clean hides' and found a pressure washer worked well. We tacked the hide to a board and pressure washed it and let it dry. Just for the record, Minks stink!! After taking the hide, my hands stunk terribly the rest of the ride home. It was a smelly job cleaning the hide too. We let it dry and I told my son to hang it up in my woodshop. My son, who was about 13 at the time, takes a 12p nail and nails the hide to my shop wall. Now, my walls are just plywood covered with wood siding with open studs inside.....so the 12p nail went right thru the wall and stuck out about 2" on the other side of the wall....the outside of my shop. We had a good laugh about it as I teased him about using such a big nail and nailing the hide to the siding and not a 2x4 stud. I told him at least we know it was secure and not going anywhere! I bent the nail over and just left it.
To this day when I go into my woodshop, I see that now rusty bent over nail sticking out the side of my shop and smile remembering the good times I had with my son. The hide too is still hanging, as I have never done anything with it. It is dried out and starting to lose its hair. I suppose it will stay there until I die and my son can figure out what he wants to do with it when he inherits my woodshop.


Edited by Rogillio 2018-04-17 10:18 AM

Mike, they're called mink because the word 'stink' was already taken. Like golf is called golf, because the word 'f***' was already taken. Golfers will appreciate that one.

PSA- put a pair of disposable nitrile gloves in your saddle bag. Work great for skinning roadkill and for changing flats to avoid chain grime. Sucks to have greasy hands for 20-30 miles.

Good tip. Speaking of road kill.....I once pasted red fox on the side of the road that I thought was dead. I decided to go back and get him so I circled back. When I got to where he was, he was gone! Evidently he'd only been knocked out and regained consciousness. I got to thinking about what would have happened had I picked him up, put him on my bike or over my shoulder.....and the fox regained consciousness.....the image I had in my head of me riding with this live fox got me to laughing so hard I nearly ran off the road.

You keep trigger the war stories. From my archives:

Race bandit turned SAG support!

I headed out to my shop to dust the cobwebs off my bike and when I aired up one of the tires the valve stem broke and it went flat. Crud. It has been a long time since I’ve biked and even longer since I’d changed a flat. But it all came back to me and I fixed the flat and was soon on the road.

I decided to bike 28 miles. At 13 miles out I made a left turn on my normal bike route and found myself smack in the middle of a race! It was the Heel and Crank Duathlon. I decided to continue to ride along with the race!

I began to feel guilty for ‘participating’ in the race although I’m not sure why. After all I reasoned, this was MY regular bike course and they were the ones on my turf. And then I saw the reason I was out there.

Up ahead I saw two riders on the side of the road. They were working on a flat. I pulled up to see if they needed help. One of the guys was struggling trying to get the tire off and the other guy was holding the wheel. Neither guy knew what they were doing! I asked if they needed help and the one holding the tire said, “He needs some help, his hands hurt and he can’t get the tire off”. I quickly got off and took the wheel from them. I had just ‘practiced’ this a couple of hours ago! I had the tire half off the rim, the old tube out, put a little air in the new tube, put in the tire and put the tire back on the rim in record time. I then aired it up with their CO2 cartridge and put the wheel back on the bike. Soon they were back on their way.

The one who had the flat rode on ahead and the other guy pulled up beside me and thanked me for helping. He said, “That man has ALS and that is why his hands were unable to fix the flat. I think this race raises money for ALS. I’m pretty sure God put you there today to help him.”

As much roadkill as I've seen over the years, I've never thought to stop and harvest anything! Believe me, Sat and Sun morning rides here in south Texas yield an amazing variety of animals killed overnight. I take that back, I passed a buck with a pretty nice rack once that I thought my dog might enjoy. The thought of crashing with twelve points in my jersey squashed that idea before I even considered the logistics of de-horning a buck with my multi tool.

Nice going helping that guy out that flatted. You never know how much a small act will change someone's day for the better.

Edited by mdg2003 2018-04-18 8:24 AM

Wow, this thread has really gone sideways. I once saw a road kill bobcat on one ride out in the hinterlands of Florida. Usually it's just armadillos, raccoons, and 'possum but the bobcat was something quite different.

Dawg - Your list looks quite complete, toilet paper might be a good addition. Also, may I bring my own alcohol? I don't know if the Boone's Farm and PBR that you fly-over folks so dearly cling to will settle well with my developed palate.

Now you're stereotyping us. I was thinking of treating you to a 1989 Mogen David 20/20 I have cellared for a special occasion…. I have it in purple and yellow.

PBR, Blechhhh. Reminds me of the kegger we had at school one weekend. We barely scraped up enough $ for a keg and guess what was on special? PBR and there was a reason we got it so cheap. Shiite must have been left outside in the hot sun for a week.

The beer talk reminds me of an old joke.

Guy was walking out on a pier looking down counting the slits. When he got to the end he fell off into the water. Why?


Wait for it.....



Cause when you're out of slits, you're out of pier!



If you get the joke you are old. I personally don't get it....just repeating what someone told me and hoping one of you old guys would explain it to me. :-)

Ahhh, fellow Trump voters. Your kin Tony?

Evian spelled backwards is naïve.

I don't get the references.

OK, figured it out. Stroh's makes the beer I was referencing.

Edited by Rogillio 2018-04-18 2:14 PM

Was out working today and a beaver decided to taunt me.I had my gun with me, but there were some people on the other side of the lake so I let it be this time around.https://youtu.be/Me46eZoHw_Q

He was clearly taunting you. If you had that place wired, you could have easily blasted him with one charge. People across the lake might have been startled and lightly peppered with beaver bits, but it beats an errant .223 round in the hip. Do that once or twice and they'll learn to go elsewhere when they see Mr. Tony at the waters edge.

Ala the gopher in Caddyshack! One of the best comedies ever. "Hey, you scratched my anchor."