Re-Write the headline

The other thread about the "S&M Tools" headline is the inspiration for this spin-off.

Take a headline from the news where the editor obviously applied no sense of humor (or wasn't allowed to) and re-write it the way you think it should have been.

This headline from the Rockford Register Star in 2005:  Five spas shut down; dozen people charged was regarding some oriental massage parlors that were raided and closed.

It SHOULD have read:  No Happy Ending for Five Local Massage Parlors