Michael Pate 0 Gravitron 1

This is an excerpt from my blog today and I thought that it might brighten your day.

So I do my first set and go and do the first set of 100 jump ropes, and I am thinking, “No wonder the American Heart Association endorses Jump Rope for Heart.”  Well, I make it through the next two sets and go to the Gravitron machine to do my fourth set.  Now mind you, I am getting very tired.  For those who don't know what a Gravitron machine is, let me explain:  You stand on a platform that is hooked to some type of compressor that will assist you by lowering your natural resistance so that you can perform pull-ups and dips. So, in essence, the platform gives you lift and allows you to perform the exercise.  It works by you entering in your body weight and entering the level that you want to be on. The lower the level, the more assistance you receive.  You do your sets then push the “off” button to let the pressure off of the machine. With doing supersets with the jump rope, I was really tired and down to level one.  What does that mean?  That means that one of the little blonde-haired female aerobics instructors could get on it and I could step off and she would shoot through the roof.  So I get on the machine, program in the weight, and prepare for launch.  The compressor finally kicks off and I start doing my set:

5.......6……….....7...............8............9..........................10! 

Whew!  That was hard!

I looked at the machine and noticed a warning label:  “If you feel faint, dizzy, or out of breath, discontinue use of this machine.”  My thought was, “Wouldn’t it be nice to get to discontinue use of this machine!” 

Do you remember when I mentioned above that you need to hit the “off” button to decompress the machine?  You do this so that when you step off the machine, the platform doesn't shoot up to the highest level.  This platform will go high enough that very vertically challenged people can use it so the platform will go up about four and a half feet off the floor. 

Well, apparently I had been pretty aggressive in my workout because I forgot to push the “off” button.  As I took the first step, I was okay until my right foot hit the floor and my left leg that was still on the machine weighed as much as one of those aerobics instructors.  That’s when I found out that I was more flexible than I realized.  If you have ever watched ESPN cheerleading competitions and seen one of those cheerleaders kick her leg really high in the air while the other leg is on the floor and straight, that’s what happened. My left foot was almost to my shoulder before I gave an awkward couple of hops and managed to get it off the platform.

This machine is to the side and in front of the cardio equipment and they had packed the house for my safety demonstration on how to improperly dismount the Gravitron.  There was someone on every treadmill, every elliptical, every stationary bike and they all saw my not-so-graceful dismount from the Gravitron. 

There was no applause; no judges gave me a score; no cheering - just a quiet hush.   And the silence was broken by the gym owner, who is my trainer, “Hey don't break my machine!”  I tried to explain that my dismount was because we weren't obeying the instructions about being out of breath, faint, or dizzy.  With the concern that only a personal trainer can show, he said, “That applies to everybody but you!”

Well, I can't say that it embarrassed me.  After all, I have fallen over on my bike at an intersection with one foot still clipped in and ended up laying flat on my back with, not just my little crew of riding buddies watching, but with dozens of cars and busloads of kids watching as well.