so, why do i feel guilty?

today i ran into an old friend i haven't seen in about 3 years. she gave me a halting hug and a chilled greeting. 'how are you doing?' i asked 'not good' she said, and left.

i had recently received an email from her, an email she sent to lots of other folks, asking for letters vouching for her mothering skills. she is in the middle of a nasty divorce and wanted letters in order to fight custody issues with her husband. i didn't respond to the email, not even to extend my sympathies.

why not? i was uncomfortable replying to say 'sorry to hear it' but then not sending a letter of support. i couldn't send a letter of support because i didn't think i had enough knowledge of her or her family to write something. we were in a playgroup together once a week for about a year or so. i haven't seen her in over 3 years. i saw her mother her daughter on a very limited scale via the playgroup. this didn't seem to be enough experience with which to vouch for her in court, especially since it wasn't just about this daughter, but her other two children from a previous marriage whom i only even met once.

i think i feel guilty because she was very cold towards me when i saw her. i'm sure there is a lot going on in her life, but it took me by surprise. i probably should have responded to her email, but the idea made me uncomfortable.

i probably also feel guilty because this is the second time this has happened in my life. years ago, a friend from college asked people for the same sort of letters, and again - i didn't respond. i had only met one of her children, from her first marriage, and she asked for letters regarding that child and two from her second marriage as that marriage was breaking up. i had only met one of these other children once, when that child was a baby. i only met that husband once, since i was living in another state at the time. i knew she tried as best she could, but i didn't really know what that home life was like since we had only limited contact with one another.

if my marriage were to fall apart (god forbid), i'm sure i would want the help and support of my friends. however, i would only ask for this particular kind of support (letter for the court) from those who really know me and my children, who have spent time with me and and my girls, spent time in our home, etc. just the fact that these women are reaching out to people like me, people who were more acquaintances than friends, makes me even less inclined to write letters of support ('why are they asking me when i haven't seen them in years and don't know their children?'). then again, i'm not in their shoes and maybe i've been a royal a** and owe both of these women an apology for not stepping up when they were in need.