A Long Tribute to a Good Friend

Today, J and I said goodbye to our best friend, companion, and Furry Angel, Barkley.  As I think back on the 16 years that we spent together, I remember the good times, the not-so-good times and all of the ups and downs.  She enriched and improved our lives every day she was a part of them.  In such a long canine life, there are many phases.  As I reflect on each phase, it occurs to me that she was able to teach me something important as well. 

 

In her younger years, Bark was an energetic, playful dog.  She was always up for anything.  We played every day, took camping trips (in seven different states), ran, played frisbee, and swam.  She lived full throttle - she was either going full-tilt or asleep.  Those were such fun years, and the three of us were inseparable.  The lesson I learned during these years was to live whole-heartedly, with enthusiasm and zeal.  Live and love with vigor and without restraint, and take advantage of your youthful energy while you have it. 

 

When she was nine, she tore her anterior cruciate ligament while we were playing in the backyard.  The sight and sound of the injury still haunts me to this day.  While we had the surgery to repair it, nursed her through rehab, and she recovered, she never played quite the same again.  She was always a little apprehensive on grass after that.  While she still enjoyed life to the fullest, it was starting to slow a bit.  During this time, I learned to keep running and playing as long as you are able.  It can be taken away at any time, irrevocably and without notice.  Many less fortunate would love to have a body that is capabale of activity - don't waste it if you have one.

 

Shortly after her rehab, we moved across the country from North Carolina to Arizona. She went from being a dog who loved the snow (she even used to go outside and sleep in the snow), forests, mountains, rivers and lakes to one who was surrounded by cacti, rock, and dry weather.  As with everything else that life threw her, she adapted well and made the most of the changes.  She loved the cool desert mornings during the winter months.  She loved the road trips to the higher elevations.  She came to appreciate coming inside into the air conditioned house on a hot summer day.  In this time, she showed me how to be flexible and to make the best of whatever situation you find yourself in.

 

As we neared her 13th birthday, she got gravely ill.  There was a night that we nearly lost her.  Through several blood transfusions and surgeries, the doctors were able to diagnose the cause of her anemia and get the proper treatment in place.  She made a miraculous recovery and we ended up having an additional three and a half years with her.  Going to some extremes to get her back on her feet was the best decision we ever made, and we approached the next few years like the gift that they were.  We went to resorts where she walked through the lobbies like she owned them, and took long walks around the beautifully landscaped grounds.  I will always remember my 40th birthday, where we spent a peaceful morning at sunrise walking around the resort in Cave Creek where we were staying.  I had hoped when I first gotten her that she might live to spend my 40th birthday with me, and here we were.  I didn't even feel greedy when I asked her to stick around to celebrate 41 with me as well - she obliged.  Her illness and recovery taught me that every day with our loved ones is a gift.  Tell those in your life how you feel about them and how much they mean to you. 

 

In the past year, her health and mobility began to decline.  Getting up from the floor became difficult and walking became more challenging.  As time passed, she needed more and more help to get around.  We pressed on and assisted her, at times becoming like nurses.  We didn't mind because we loved her and we could see her spirit shine through, even though her legs were failing her.  It broke my heart to remove her dog door, which she loved, but it had become more of a hazard than useful.  We wanted to continue to provide the best life we could for her, and that was always the bargain we had with her - we would continue to fight to give her a good quality of life as long as she wanted to fight with us.  Even in the last few months, we continued to do fun things with her.  We took a long road trip through Death Valley and the Pacific Coast Highway last Christmas (and now she has officially been in both the Atlantic and Pacific oceans, completing her trip from one end of the country to the other), trips to Malibu and Lake Havasu later in the year.  There have been some great times even as she continued to decline and celebrated her sixteenth birthday.  Over the course of the year, she taught us compassion and patience.  It wasn't always easy - the situation was frustrating at times, but you do what you have to do to support someone you love and take care of them as they get old.

 

Finally, nearly a month ago, I took her to the vet to get an infection that had developed on her rear end checked out.  The vet examined her and said the words that I had dreaded hearing from a professional for sixteen years - 'it's time to let her go.'  The cold reality that we were at the end sunk in.  I might have been in denial since her decline had happened so gradually, but I had managed to explain away the signs that she was experiencing pain, and hadn't acknowledged that her mobilty was now down to nearly zero.  I finally accepted that it was time, and Jenna and I discussed a plan to make her final arrangements.  Since we both had some time off around the holidays, we decided we could spend time at home with her when we would be present to take care of her and when we reached the end of that time, we would say goodbye before we had to go back to work - it would have been too much to leave her at home all day every weekday when she was unable to move on her own.  We would have to do the best thing for her despite the gaping hole it would leave in her lives and hearts - as much as we will miss her.  The final lesson she taught us is how to let go and say goodbye to a loved one, no matter how painful it might be.  It is one we are still working on learning, but as we try to begin to heal, we will try to make peace with the fact that she is physcially gone but her spirit and memory will always be with us.