Christmas Confessions..

Ummm...when I was in high school my cousin and I got drunk and drove around New Orleans "violating" peoples Christmas yard decorations. You know those white wooden reindeer? We put them in compromising positions and would drive away. (dammit I can't stop laughing again). Good times, good times.

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I once was party to a christmas tree theft.

In college, my roommates and I were walking out of a grocery store when two of us looked back to see Tim running though the parking lot carrying a 6-foot tree. We busted out laughing, but somehow managed to force the three of us and the tree into my VW Beetle and hauled @ss out of the parking lot.

We brought it back to our apt. and decorated it with beer coasters, bottle caps and pull tabs.

We did this more than one year. Sad thing we'd probably still do it (not drinking and driving) now!

Funny Jim. I did similar with pumpkins that they leave in front of walmart at Halloween time.

I still can't believe we got it in my bug. 5 years later, when I was cleaning it out to sell, I still found needles.

How much stuck out? I can just imagine...how many guys were in the car with the tree? LMAO! Thats like me sticking a tree in the mini...omg...what a sight!

None of it. We bent it pretty severly to get it in, and we were all being poked pretty seriously. I think I smelled like pine for a week.

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That was Bob and Doug McKenzie's "12 Beers of Christmas"...lemme see if I can find the lyrics...

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Hmmm...not much evidence of it on Google.

I was living in Memphis a year after college. I wanted to get a christmas tree for our upcoming christmas party. So I threw my battery powered saw-zall in my jeep and headed for the woods. I picked out a nice one and started cutting. My battery died a quarter of the way through the trunk of the tree. I didn't want to kill a tree for no good reason so I went back to my jeep and looked for something to cut down the rest of the tree. The only things I found were a hammer and some rope I had brough to tie the tree to my jeep. I wacked at it with the back end of the claw hammer until I had finally made some head-way. Then I tied one end of the rope to the tree and the other to my car and took off. That finally got the job done. When I Pulled the tree next to my car I realized I had under estimated the size of the tree. When I put it on my car it stuck out 6 feet in the front AND the back. I had no maore saw so I couldn't trim it there so I figured I would cut it to size at home. One the way home every person I made eye contact with in the car was laughing hysterically. When I got back to my place there happened to be a bunch of people hanging around and they started rolling on the ground laughing and saying lines from Christmas Vacation. I was then called Clark WGreiswold until New Years. On a side note, At the end of the party one of my friends attempted to burn the tree down while it was still inside, The smoke smell effectively moved the party outside.

Edited by rbschlesinger 2005-12-05 1:53 PM

And the Canadian comes through.
http://www.geocities.com/TheTropics/Cabana/5906/canxmas.htm

That site is a bit slow to load. Here's the text from: http://forums.slickdeals.net/archive/index.php/t-63215.html
THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS
(Rick Moranis / Dave Thomas)
Bob & Doug McKenzie


(B: Bob D: Doug C: Chorus)

B: OK, good day. This is our Christmas part of the album. You can
play this
at your Christmas parties, or to yourself on Christmas Eve, if
there's
nothin' else to do.
D: Good day, eh? In case you thought, like, I wasn't on this part.
B: Oh, I guarantee ya you'd be on. OK, so good day. This is the
Christmas
part, and we're gonna tell ya what to get..um...your true love for
Christmas.
D: Look out the window!
B: Where? (chuckle) What are ya doin'?!?
D: Snow, hosehead!
B: Well, oh, it's the Great White North, and it's snowing 'cause it's
Christmastime. Hey, hoser!
D: What?
B: Here's a quiz. (chuckle) Quiz for Doug...
D: OK, I have my "thinking took" on.
B: Yeah, right. What are the "Twelve Days of Christmas"? 'Cause,
figure it
out, right? Christmas is when?
D: Um, the twenty-fifth...
B: Right. And, what's the twenty-fourth...Christmas Eve, right? So..
D: That's two
B: That's two. And, then what's after that? (pause) Boxing Day
D: Wrestling Day
B: Wrestl..get out!
D: Boxing Day, yeah, yeah.
B: That's three. Then, what's after that? Nothin'!
D: New Year's!
B: Four and what's...
D: New Year's Eve?
B: That's five. Where do ya get twelve?
D: Uh, there's two Saturdays and Sundays in there; that's four. So,
that's
nine. And three other days which, I believe, are the "mystery"
days.
(Music starts)
B: OK, this our Christmas song, just in case you don't know what to
get
someone for Christmas.
D: There's lots of ideas in here, so listen and don't get stuck!

(organ
starts) By the way, that's ME on the organ.
B: Oh, geez.
D: You start...
B: OK...

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A beer.

D: On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: There should be more there, eh?
B: Where? Oh, go!

D: Fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Four pounds of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle-necks
B: And a beer.
D: ...in a tree. See, you need more.

B: Oh..fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Five golden tooks,
D: Four pound of back-bacon
B: Three French toast
D: Two turtle necks
B: And a beer...where?
D: (with Bob) In a tree.

B: OK, on the sixth...oo, go!
D: ..Christmas, my true love gave to me,
C: Six...
D: Six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tooks
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. OK.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
Seven pack of smokes,
C: Nice gift!
D: Nice gift. Oh...six packs of two-four
B & C: Five golden tooks.
C: Four...
D: Four pounds of back-bacon
C: Three...
B: Three French toast
C: Two...
D: Two turtle-necks
C: And a beeeeeeeeer...
B: And a beer (with Doug) in a tree. Keep forgetting.
D: Whew! This should just be the "Two Days of Christmas"; it's too
hard for
us! Go, hoser.

B & D: On the eighth day of Christmas, may true love gave to me,
D: Eight comic books
(Chorus repeats right behind them, though one behind)
B & D: Seven packs of smokes
Six pack of two-four
B: Five...
C: (catches up) Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
ALL: And a beer...
B & D: On my tree.
B: Yeah, that beer is empty. OK, day, um...
C: TWELVE!
B: Twelve!
D: Good day, and welcome to day twelve..
(Chorus starts up and Bob and Doug join in)
ALL: Five golden tooks
Four pounds of back-bacon,
Three French toast
Two turtle-necks
And a beer in a treeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
D: Where'd you learn to do that?
B: Um, albums.
D: So, like, that's our song. Merry Christmas...
B: Merry Christmas!
D: And good day!
B: Good day! Ha-happy New Year, too.
D: Shhh!
B: OK, you know what you left out?
D: What?
B: Donuts!
D: Oh, no!
B: I told you to get donuts. Either on the ninth day, or the tenth
day or
the eleventh day, but I want donuts!
D: OK, the song's over! Merry Christmas, everybody!
B: ...or, on the twelfth day, you could've got me a DOZEN donuts...
D: So,..go out to the stores and get some presents!
B: You could've gone down, to, like, the good donut shops where you
buy a
dozen, you get another one free, and then it'd be thirteen for the
"Thirteen Days of Christmas"!
D: Next Christmas, you can get me a chain-saw!
B: Take off!
(As music fades
D: Boy, that song was a beauty. It...it moved me.
B: Yeah, I think it ranks up there with "Stairway to Heaven".
D: What?

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Take off eh!

damn, I knew I liked you for a reason....
just pm'd you my mailing address...that tree will look sooooooooooo much better than the debauched thing I have in my house...plus it's edible/drinkable!!!

i confess that this Christmas tree was found in a parking lot when my roommates and I returned to school for the second semester (mid-January). Creative decorating at its finest. We did have some lights on it though. It looked better in the dark.***okay so it won't load. Cox Communications, if you are listening, your high speed internet sucks @ss***

Edited by 3558 2005-12-06 8:32 PM

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Dial-up? What's that?
No, seriously. I actually had to think about what that was. It's been sooooo long.

(yes, I am a beeeatch)

Oooo. Hey, maybe that's your answer. Instead of being nice and giving unfortunate families gifts this Christmas, your hubby could get y'all high speed internet...

When I was in Australia I went to an orphans xmas party and proceeded to drink most of a bottle of Wild Turkey (100 proof) and then a few beers. I then attempted to cycle home. I fell off after finally managing to get on. Stupid, but smart enough to wear my helmet. I fell just walking the bike. I made it home, and, well, you can imaginethat I got up a couple of times.

I had to peel the sheets off my scabs the next morning.