Why 40-year olds shouldn't snowboard (long)

The following occurred last year. To understand the bear references, both my wife and I are scouters and were members of the Bear patrol for adult training (different years). The e-mail went out mostly to scouter friends and family, who understand the context.

When we were at the resort 6 weeks later, I ran into Jeff (the skiboard instructor) and he remembered the episode too.


The bear clan frollics in the snow.

All,

Don't try this at home!

The day (12/22) started before the sun came up, with Momma Bear (Beth), Papa Bear (Mike), and the 3 younger members of the clan (Avery, Austin, & Trevor) loading supplies into the car for a 3 hour drive to Sundown mountain in Dubuque, IA. Evan had to work, so he wasn't part of the trip. The weather was clear and COLD (expected high about 15F) but spirits were high because we were going skiing! We arrive with no problems. and Papa Bear buys 2 ski combos (lift, lesson, & skis) and 2 snowboard combos (same, except substitute demonic snowboard for skis). Momma Bear, in a fit of self-preservation declines the offer to ski. Mike is excited because this is his first chance to try the skis we bought on EBAY.

Avery and Trevor start with the boards and stay on the bunny hill with Austin. Mike makes a couple runs with the rental skis. The lessons start at 12:30. Beth videotapes some of the effort while Mike continues to ski the regular slopes.

About 2 O'clock, we break off the lessons and stop for some lunch. Avery has decided that skiing is WAY more fun than falling (I mean snowboarding). After lunch, Mike and Trevor return to the bunny slope with the boards. Trevor gets Mike started until the instructor returns. Snowboarding consists of going straight to build up speed and falling. On a "toes-in" turn, the
fall is either on-your-knees because the board slides out, or on-your-butt (and head) when you catch the heel edge. On a "heels-in" turn, the falls are exactly the same! Mike stops to take some Tylenol (preventative) while Beth videotapes. When it looks like they have things under control, Beth takes off for some pre-arranged shopping in town. (By now, you should be getting that "this isn't going to end well" feeling.)

Mike has started to figure things out, even flipping the board back and forth (which doesn't accomplish anything, but it does look flashy!) Trevor is getting better, and Mike decides to make "1 last run" before switching back to skis. (Queue the ominous music.)

Somewhere near the bottom of the bunny hill, the demons appeared. The details are a bit blurry, but Mike landed hard on his knees and hands. The aftershock of the left wrist was picked up on the Des Moines seismograph. OOOOKKKKAAYYYYYYY.....this cannot be good. Mike rolls over to his previously tenderized butt to survey the damages. Both feet are still
firmly locked into the board, and (Thankfully) still attached to his legs (check). Right arm...(check)...Left arm...(Houston, we have a problem). OK, don't panic...the helpful instructor and Trevor are on their way back up the hill on the ski lift. The instructor says: "Did you land on your wrist? It looked like you landed pretty hard." Um..yea... OK...time to sever ties with the demonic board...With my good right hand, I can easily release the right foot. Now things get tricky. I try to pull the latch with my bum left hand and the pain shoots all through my arm. OK...reach around with my right hand...I can get to the latch, I can pull the latch, but I can't shake the demon board from my foot. Didn't anyone plan for injuries??? Another try with
the left hand (no, it didn't work better the second time), and another try with the right (ditto)... I
finally got the board excised and walked over to the lift...The friendly folks running the lift slowed it way down so I could walk off.

Back in the lodge, I somehow got out of my ski clothes and laid down to "contemplate" life, the universe, my throbbing left wrist...Trevor and the instructor stop in to check on me. The instructor gets me an ice pack (no thanks, I iced it on the slope...) and offers to have the ski patrol look at it. At this time, I made the phone call I'd been dreading...to cut Beth's shopping trip short. Mark (the ski patrol guy) checked my wrist, agreed that I'd banged it up pretty
hard, and I should get it checked out. (He gave me a souvenir white bandage sling.) Beth got back, and I headed into Dubuque to find a hospital. They are good, I was in and out in an hour with a copy of the X-rays and some painkillers.

Back in Peoria this morning, I got calls from a Dubuque Orthopedic(?) and the hospital (they thought I'd stay in Dubuque, even though I paid to take a set of X-rays with me.) A quick phone call to our local Orthopedic(?) and I now have a dark blue full-arm cast. The doctor figures about 6 weeks in the cast, and a couple months "remembering" what I did, and I'll
be good-as-new (or, as new as a 40-year old can be).

If any of you are even considering snowboarding...DON'T DO IT!!!
I'd like to think my injury wasn't in vain if I can spare 1 person the agony of a similar experience.

Merry Christmas!

Mike