Out of shape cyclist and daddy.

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2019-03-03 5:19 PM


7

Subject: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.
Hi, I'm Mark. I was a cyclist. I say was, because I feel like I'm not a sportsperson any more. I'm a guy who rides 16-18 mins to work and on occasion ups that to 40 min extension if i'm lucky. My background is in cycle time trialling, no running and minimal swimming as a kid.

I gave up racing when my girlfriend's mum became ill shortly after meeting her and I just couldn't justify 10-15hrs training whilst she was going down hill. Since then we have moved in, lost her mum, had a baby, got married, moved house, survived baby exhaustion, barely managed a lack of time, had another baby, survived baby and child exhaustion and now desperately rolling from day to day trying to survive two girls and a wife.

As it stands I feel trapped with no release. I recently met a lady who is doing an Ironman who I'd describe and anything other than sporty or 'the type' to do one. I have decided I need to have a go but all I get is, you can't even do one sport let alone three and am shot down in flames as if I'm being ridiculous. I know that to do it i'd need the backing of my family and I feel that I'm unlikely to get that.

I want to but can't see a way. I suggested that I see if I can physically run after an injury issue and was just shot down. I bought a pair of trainers and ran in the park on my lunch break but felt like I was going against my family just doing that!

I'm here to find some advice, and maybe a solution.


2019-03-03 8:10 PM
in reply to: Mgalex

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Master
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Subject: RE: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.
Wow, this is not an easy answer.

You definitely need your wife on your side, or it's going to be miserable for everyone.

It sounds like she can see the cost (time, money) and perhaps is threatened by your new friend, but she is not yet seeing the benefit.

Try again with a conversation (after you've just bathed the girls or taken them for a walk or something) and get her excited about how getting into a sport will give you both an outlet for frustration and also will improve your health and energy for your family. Tell her how you want to live a long and healthy life for the girls, and you feel afraid that you are stuck in bad patterns with no end. You are inspired to try something new and you are committed to having her support.

Layout a training schedule on a calendar so she can see that you care about taking minimal time away from the family.
Ask for her suggestions!
2019-03-03 8:15 PM
in reply to: alicefoeller

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Master
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Subject: RE: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.
Also start with getting her on your side for a Sprint triathlon, not an Ironman. An Ironman is 15 to 20 hours a week. I did one when my kids were younger and, upon finishing, vowed not to do another until my youngest has his driver's license. It's possible, but it really is a big strain on the family.

You can do a Sprint and she can see the result and then you can talk about more.
2019-03-04 6:16 AM
in reply to: alicefoeller


7

Subject: RE: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.
Thanks for your feedback.

I don't think that I'm making the most of my after bed (19:30-20:00) time but that is our only together time. The issue of time and money has to be honest been on-going for six years as a struggling, disorganised, cyclist.

She is aware of the health benefits and I am in ok shape (for a non-athlete) just quite a few lbs. that I'd rather not have. She says that she has no time for exercise so we're both in the same place but has other things. I'll try creating an example schedule to illustrate my plan also, I'll try to include her in the organising, after all she is good at organising and I'm not. I wasn't going to go straight in with "I want to do an Ironman" but I agree that triathlon and build up is a good tac to take. I'll choose my timing as well.

so;
1. keep the target realistic in the short term.
2. work out an example plan
3. position the plan to her at a time and place where she is happy that I'm putting the effort in already.
4. let you know if I'mshot down
2019-03-04 6:59 AM
in reply to: Mgalex

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Master
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Subject: RE: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.
Great, I can't wait to hear how it goes!

I see you are calling yourself "disorganised," so perhaps there are some commitments you can make to your wife around this, and ways she can have a say in things that relate to this. For example, she could help make a schedule, and if you don't stick to it, you agree that you aren't going to just fit in your workout later when you had agreed to help with the kids at that time.
For example, if you and she create a schedule together where you go swim before work at 6am on Tuesdays, but you don't get out of bed and do it, you agree that you are not going to swim after work instead. You just forfeit that one.

By structuring it this way, she can see a win-win situation for herself in that she has some leverage with you on areas where she is already complaining.
2019-03-04 7:00 AM
in reply to: alicefoeller

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Subject: RE: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.
Oh, I missed one ... as long as you are creating a schedule, find a way for her to get exercise, too.

Maybe the place where you will swim has child care, and you can all go together, put the kids in the babysitting, and she can do whatever workout she would like while you swim...

2019-03-04 2:22 PM
in reply to: Mgalex

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Subject: RE: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.

Originally posted by Mgalex Hi, I'm Mark. I was a cyclist. I say was, because I feel like I'm not a sportsperson any more. I'm a guy who rides 16-18 mins to work and on occasion ups that to 40 min extension if i'm lucky. My background is in cycle time trialling, no running and minimal swimming as a kid. I gave up racing when my girlfriend's mum became ill shortly after meeting her and I just couldn't justify 10-15hrs training whilst she was going down hill. Since then we have moved in, lost her mum, had a baby, got married, moved house, survived baby exhaustion, barely managed a lack of time, had another baby, survived baby and child exhaustion and now desperately rolling from day to day trying to survive two girls and a wife. As it stands I feel trapped with no release. I recently met a lady who is doing an Ironman who I'd describe and anything other than sporty or 'the type' to do one. I have decided I need to have a go but all I get is, you can't even do one sport let alone three and am shot down in flames as if I'm being ridiculous. I know that to do it i'd need the backing of my family and I feel that I'm unlikely to get that. I want to but can't see a way. I suggested that I see if I can physically run after an injury issue and was just shot down. I bought a pair of trainers and ran in the park on my lunch break but felt like I was going against my family just doing that! I'm here to find some advice, and maybe a solution.

 

Hey Mark

I've read your post here and on the Toddlers/tri-training thread too. It sounds like you are in a tough situation and instead of offering advice per se I thought I'd copy a technique used in replies on another website I visit to maybe shed some light from a different perspective. I hope it is not too cheeky but instead useful for helping move things forward...

 

Hi I'm Bonnie (made up American sounding name), I am married and have two kids: one five and one only 16 months old. The past few years have been really full-on: my boyfriend and I moved in together, my mum died, we had a baby, got married, moved house, had another baby!  I now work part-time for a salary and full-time as a mom! My now husband works full-time. 

It's become difficult recently as he has said he wants to take up triathlon! He used to be a time-triallist and trained for 10-15 hours a week. I know he gave that up when my mom got ill and family life happened and that was such an amazing sacrifice: I will always be grateful. 

But I'm scared: 3 sports is a lot and money is tight, as is time (obviously!). He has mentioned he wants to start running again but he got injured last time and with two kids to look after I find that difficult to accept that risk. Also, without sounding grumpy I miss exercising but cannot find anytime to do any, yet he wants to start fitting in three sports!  

I do genuinely hope that this might be useful. I am not an expert but I feel that you maybe you need to evaluate what you want from wanting to do a triathlon? If it is to get back exercising, then whoop! I have anxiety and depression issues and find that regular exercise helps me out: not just head wise but the positive knock on effects of wanting to eat healthier, etc. But, be aware that it may come across like you don't want to spend as much time with your family. My sister and brother in law had a similar issue when he re-took up cricket - too much time out the house, her feeling like he wasn't pulling his weight; now he and my niece go riding together. 

Is there a way you could combine giving your missus a breather from the kids, with getting some exercise in? Someone in my mentor group takes his kid in a trailer for his 'strength' ride. Could you maybe parent both whilst your wife goes and does her exercise? Gym class, run, swim etc? Also it might be that your wife envies your freedom of a full-time job and is "stuck at home" with two little people. 

Just re-read this and it seems a bit disjointed, so apologies if that is the case AND GOOD LUCK!!!!! 

2019-03-10 3:08 AM
in reply to: Mgalex


7

Subject: RE: Out of shape cyclist and daddy.
OK, so thanks for your advice. I have finally grown a pair and had the conversation. After putting my action plan into place, the back up of numerous flip charts. Powerpoints and calendar views. The discussion began over a nice glass of red on Friday evening... and went badly. Like most high-level negotiations, the discussion s in our house is as intense as Brexit or, for you nice Americans... Donald Trump. Thankfully not as divisive or cliff-edge Leming like. eg Brexit or DT.

So I went to work on Saturday and drafted an email explaining why I want to do it and what we can achieve. I placed the benefits on family unity, managing our life better, less wasted time, healthy eating (I do more cooking) finding a way to get her exersise etc.

After that grovelling... it worked. I have the support of the missus. Right, next up, fix Brexit.


Thanks for all your advice.

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