Don't tell her I told you...

gearboy - 2010-02-04 11:51 AM Congratulations for your wife.  But did she find you running off to the Y and getting fit to be an inspiring role model?  Or was she PO'd that while she is laying in a hospital feeling like cr*p, you are running off and enjoying yourself being all active and getting more fit? 

I think there are a lot of times we tell ourselves we are doing this to be a good role model, or inspire those close to us, but often we are actually spending LESS time with those we care about, and end up driving them further rather than closer to us.  It is a lot easier, for example, for me to feel inspired by Lance getting through his cancer, then getting on the bike and training like a madman to take to TdF repeatedly since I don't have to live with the guy.  If I had sacrificed my freedom and devoted myself to getting him through the worst patches of his cancer and subsequent chemo, and he ended up ditching me to ride 10 hours a day, leaving himself with nothing to spend on our relationship (if I was his significant other, and a woman...), I would feel kind of pissed, not inspired. And yet, I don't think Lance really had a choice - he was driven by his nature, as are we in many cases.

gearboy - 2010-02-04 11:51 AM Congratulations for your wife.  But did she find you running off to the Y and getting fit to be an inspiring role model?  Or was she PO'd that while she is laying in a hospital feeling like cr*p, you are running off and enjoying yourself being all active and getting more fit? 

I think there are a lot of times we tell ourselves we are doing this to be a good role model, or inspire those close to us, but often we are actually spending LESS time with those we care about, and end up driving them further rather than closer to us.  It is a lot easier, for example, for me to feel inspired by Lance getting through his cancer, then getting on the bike and training like a madman to take to TdF repeatedly since I don't have to live with the guy.  If I had sacrificed my freedom and devoted myself to getting him through the worst patches of his cancer and subsequent chemo, and he ended up ditching me to ride 10 hours a day, leaving himself with nothing to spend on our relationship (if I was his significant other, and a woman...), I would feel kind of pissed, not inspired. And yet, I don't think Lance really had a choice - he was driven by his nature, as are we in many cases.

verga - 2010-02-04 5:11 PM

Maybe I should have clarified. We were visiting family up north when she got sick. We were about 500 miles from our new home. I was with her in the hospital 18+ hours everyday for all but three of the days she was in there (I had to return for employment reasons).
After the month in the hospital, she had about 2 weeks of rehab in a facility. On her first visit to the new Primary care Dr. he told her to join the Y to get toxins out of her system and told me that I had type 2 Diabetes, and needed to lose about 20 lbs. Joining was a mutal decision. I got bored with weight lifting and began spin classes and swimming. I sheduled my work out while she was sleeping so that I would not take away from our time together.

Shortyy - 2010-02-04 4:36 PM

I think you really have to be in a caregivers shoes in order to be able to understand what he was doing.  My husband spent 4 weeks in a hospital and then 6 weeks at home confined to a hospital bed and several months of recovery few years ago. 

While it is a nice thought that you would be able to spend every waking moment with that person, life doesn't stop at home.  My work was fortunate enough to let me work from home, and come into work (1.5hours from the hospital) for a few hours before visiting hours began.  I also had 2 dogs that I had to make sure were taken care of, a house to keep up, and myself to keep mentally sane and healthy so I could be there for my husband during his recovery.  He would tell me every day to go out and go for a run or a ride because I needed an outlet for the stress that I had to deal with.  Once he came home it was even worse, he couldn't walk or move himself (2 broken legs, 2 broken arms, broken pelvis).  He outweighed me by 100lbs and I was the one left to do everything for him...

To not get even 30min to myself to collect my thoughts and relax, would have driven us apart. 

Just offering a different point of view....

kdlsch111 - 2010-02-04 6:44 PM Gearboy- Lighten up! How can you start making wild assumptions over a simple paragraph and statement? And to correlate it with Lance and his life?