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Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks???
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 2006-02-07 4:43 PM |
Expert  707   Kansas |  Subject: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks???I have come to the conclusion that I may be just a cranky bitter divorcee that crushes love like a bug under my bony chlorine shriveled up fist…. Story Time: I’ve got this buddy (isn’t this how all stories start out "I’ve got this friend", "the person I work with", or my fav "I’ve got this basset hound"
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who has been dating this chick for about 3.5 weeks and he has proposed marriage. He is 44 and she is 26. | 2006-02-07 4:58 PM in reply to: #341013 |
Master 2052  Colorado | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? Well... my parents got married after dating for 7 weeks and have been together for about 35ish years (I can never remember the exact number)... of course, they say the secret to their marriage is therapy and wine. (quote from my Mom: "I've been married 3some years... 29 good. Cumlatively). My brothers and I contend that the problem with their example is that, you kinda want to marry everyone after only a few weeks. It's all good then, everyone is on their best behavoir. It's only after awhile that you get to know the nitty gritty bullshit that makes someone who they are. Either way ... 3.5 weeks? 1 year? Who's to say which is right? Everyone's different, and everyone gets to make their own mistakes and live their own life. Yeah, maybe this guy is a marriageholic and the girl is young and dumb ... but I'm not either one of them, so what do I care? |
| 2006-02-07 5:00 PM in reply to: #341013 |
Pro 4206 Los Angeles, CA | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? 44 and 26. I'd do it in a heartbeat (with a prenup). |
| 2006-02-07 5:04 PM in reply to: #341021 |
Expert 707 Kansas | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? I should not care but he is in my office asking for my take.... And I call'em like I see'em... the thing I'm stuck on is that he darn near asked some skank 1 week prior to marry him... Eric p.s. all those on the Feb challenge... Team Kansas is going to clean your clocks!!!! ChipmunkHeart - 2006-02-07 4:58 PM Well... my parents got married after dating for 7 weeks and have been together for about 35ish years (I can never remember the exact number)... of course, they say the secret to their marriage is therapy and wine. (quote from my Mom: "I've been married 3some years... 29 good. Cumlatively). My brothers and I contend that the problem with their example is that, you kinda want to marry everyone after only a few weeks. It's all good then, everyone is on their best behavoir. It's only after awhile that you get to know the nitty gritty bullshit that makes someone who they are. Either way ... 3.5 weeks? 1 year? Who's to say which is right? Everyone's different, and everyone gets to make their own mistakes and live their own life. Yeah, maybe this guy is a marriageholic and the girl is young and dumb ... but I'm not either one of them, so what do I care? |
| 2006-02-07 5:05 PM in reply to: #341022 |
Expert 707 Kansas | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? ha ha... I'm thinking that's what he is thinking (minus the prenup) auto208562 - 2006-02-07 5:00 PM 44 and 26. I'd do it in a heartbeat (with a prenup). |
| 2006-02-07 5:06 PM in reply to: #341025 |
Master 2052 Colorado | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? Well, yeah, everything I wrote aside, some people are flipping morons. ott13979 - 2006-02-07 6:04 PM I should not care but he is in my office asking for my take.... And I call'em like I see'em... the thing I'm stuck on is that he darn near asked some skank 1 week prior to marry him... Eric p.s. all those on the Feb challenge... Team Kansas is going to clean your clocks!!!! ChipmunkHeart - 2006-02-07 4:58 PM Well... my parents got married after dating for 7 weeks and have been together for about 35ish years (I can never remember the exact number)... of course, they say the secret to their marriage is therapy and wine. (quote from my Mom: "I've been married 3some years... 29 good. Cumlatively). My brothers and I contend that the problem with their example is that, you kinda want to marry everyone after only a few weeks. It's all good then, everyone is on their best behavoir. It's only after awhile that you get to know the nitty gritty bullshit that makes someone who they are. Either way ... 3.5 weeks? 1 year? Who's to say which is right? Everyone's different, and everyone gets to make their own mistakes and live their own life. Yeah, maybe this guy is a marriageholic and the girl is young and dumb ... but I'm not either one of them, so what do I care? |
 2006-02-07 5:20 PM in reply to: #341013 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2006-02-07 5:25 PM in reply to: #341037 |
| Expert 707 Kansas | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? I like that Lara.... have you been running?
Lara - 2006-02-07 5:20 PM ok.. i've got this friend.. 39.. he was married for 9 years during his 20's to what he calls 'the love of his life'.. after 6 years of knowing each other pretty well he still won't tell me exactly why it broke up other than 'its all his fault' he got married the second time about a year after the first diviorce was finalized.. it lasted 2.5 years.. it ended because he wanted to settle down and do the family thing.. she still wanted to party.. again a year later he marries a woman with 2 year old child.. 6 months in he finds out she's cheating on him.. marriage over.. and he wonders WHY i won't be wife #4????? my point (other than the one on my head) is that it's NEVER good to rush into these things.. anything good is worth waiting for.. but i guess after a bad marriage i think relationships should move at a snails pace what's wrong with enjoying time together.. getting to know each other.. really figuring out what the other person is like? i swear you have to know somebody for a year or two before you find out what they are like.. they are both just trying to fill voids left by previous relationships.. but then again.. i'm just some idiot on the internet |
| 2006-02-07 5:26 PM in reply to: #341042 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2006-02-07 5:37 PM in reply to: #341043 |
| Expert 707 Kansas | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? I tell him to slow down and have fun.... but he comes back with that they know each really well because the have spent 152 hours on the phone talking... Let see 152/8 is 19 working days in my world.... that did it I'm bitter Lara, If I continue to talk smack you need to run Lara - 2006-02-07 5:26 PM ott13979 - 2006-02-07 3:25 PM I like that Lara.... have you been running? ohhhhhhhhh so busted! out the door to the Dr's office now.. then running after |
| 2006-02-07 5:48 PM in reply to: #341050 |
| Subject: ... This user's post has been ignored. |
| 2006-02-07 5:52 PM in reply to: #341056 |
| Expert 707 Kansas | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? send it along with those miles you logged heee heee (that's what the team is for) Lara - 2006-02-07 5:48 PM ha... now i'm REALLY going to be late but... you don't know ANYBODY from whatever phone conversations you've had.. yes he feels connected and yes that is a powerful feeling.. but long term relationships are about getting thru the bad times as well as the good times.. once you've survived a few years and a few bumps in the road then you can start to look at it being a life long relationship WHY RUSH?!? is he afraid he's going to lose her?? like i said.. if she's as interested she'll wait.. if he wants a good example i'll PM you a relationship story.. and send you the phone bills to back it up |
| 2006-02-07 5:54 PM in reply to: #341022 |
Expert 1207 Liberty Lake, WA | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? This will be his third marriage, what's left to put in the prenup? |
| 2006-02-07 5:58 PM in reply to: #341059 |
| Expert 707 Kansas | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? In his last marriage he came in dirt poor and left with a small chunk in the bank... (she divorced him) T in Liberty Lake - 2006-02-07 5:54 PM This will be his third marriage, what's left to put in the prenup? |
| 2006-02-07 5:59 PM in reply to: #341013 |
| T1 | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? THis is a huge sore spot for me! 3.5 weeks? That is seriously crazy. What is wrong with waiting and getting to know each other a little better? Here in the land of Mormons, there are plenty of kids who get engaged after knowing each other for a short period of time. Hell, my sister got engaged after 3 weeks. That said, I really think that is crazy. The whole no-premarital sex thing aside, I can't see one reason to get married/engaged that quickly! From a cost-benefit analysis, I think it is hugely in your favor to wait. Then again, I'm not married, so take it for what it's worth  Actually, maybe that puts me "in the know"! |
| 2006-02-07 6:02 PM in reply to: #341061 |
| Expert 1207 Liberty Lake, WA | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? |
| 2006-02-07 6:06 PM in reply to: #341013 |
molto veloce mama 9311 | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? 3.5 weeks is not enough. marriage should be taken more seriously than that. if its the right person, they will still be the right person 12 months from now. if its the wrong person, he won't know for sure in 3.5 week - but a year from now he might. my brother in law was in a 10+ year relationship. they owned a house together, talked about getting married, but never did it. not long after that relationship split up, he started dating someone new. before we knew it, they were married. it seemed fast to me. they now have a little boy, and seem to be getting along fine, but despite still being 'newlyweds', we just don't see the kind of affection we've seen with other couples who have been together much longer. it worries me, but then i have to remember that they are adults and have their own lives to live. |
| 2006-02-07 6:11 PM in reply to: #341013 |
| Champion 5183 Wisconsin | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? Marriage. Commitment. For life. Why do so many straight people play at this thing? And to think that MY relationship threatens American families. Sheesh3.5 weeks. Not enough time. He hasn't lived through one of her periods. THAT should be the bare minimum, surviving one entire menstrual cycle. |
| 2006-02-07 6:22 PM in reply to: #341073 |
| T1 | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? Not to try and change the subject but your thread got me thinking. You know the old joke about how a lesbian brings a UHaul to the second date? Most of my friends who are lesbians moved in together really quickly and I am not sure why. Something in the water in Utah or does this seem to hold true elsewhere? Why do you think that is? And yes, living through one menstrual cycle is the bare minimum. And seeing her really sick; brings out the best and worst in people. possum - 2006-02-07 5:11 PM Marriage. Commitment. For life. Why do so many straight people play at this thing? And to think that MY relationship threatens American families. Sheesh3.5 weeks. Not enough time. He hasn't lived through one of her periods. THAT should be the bare minimum, surviving one entire menstrual cycle. |
| 2006-02-07 9:18 PM in reply to: #341013 |
| Master 1728 Pulaski TN | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? Well I can actually speak from experience. I was engaged to my now ex wife after a month. To all those naysayers you might be going see I told you but I beleive she was the one for me just not at the right time and she has since called and realyed the same feelings. Unfortunately I was married to a pilot in the Air Force and the demands that were put on her were more than she could handle at one time. I feel strongly and so does she that her career effected our succuess in our marriage. I had dated several girls before and a couple for a long time but when I met her I knew no it was not the infatuation or lust it was love. So do I beleive it can last you darn right. My best friends met and married within two weeks and have been together for 35 years. Then a buddy of mine married a girl he dated for 8 years and was divorced within 5 months. So there is no set limit on how long it takes. Its like they (whoevert they are) say when you know you know so thats my two cents and even though it didnt work out its never to late to fix waht was broken! |
| 2006-02-07 9:43 PM in reply to: #341056 |
| Expert 713 WV | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? Lara - 2006-02-07 4:48 PM but long term relationships are about getting thru the bad times as well as the good times.. once you've survived a few years and a few bumps in the road then you can start to look at it being a life long relationship WHY RUSH?!? is he afraid he's going to lose her?? like i said.. if she's as interested she'll wait.. So many people aren't willing to work through the rough spots. I am not saying that there are not relationships that won't end. But, too many people are too willing to bail so quickly when things get rough for extended periods. They don't want to work at the relationship. They just blame the other person for all the problems forgetting that they too are part of the problem. They only see and want life to be all about them. All they want is smooth sailing. No drama. It's suppose to be all fun, all the time. No rough spots ever. ROse-colored glasses, baby. You know sometime it is going to stick for your friend. The odds should be working in his favor. Maybe this one is it! But i agree...if it's going to work at 3.5 why not wait awhile and see. Edited by Dr Hammer 2006-02-07 10:00 PM |
| 2006-02-07 10:15 PM in reply to: #341021 |
| Veteran 187 Cleveland, OH | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? ChipmunkHeart - 2006-02-07 4:58 PM Well... my parents got married after dating for 7 weeks and have been together for about 35ish years (I can never remember the exact number)... of course, they say the secret to their marriage is therapy and wine. (quote from my Mom: "I've been married 3some years... 29 good. Cumlatively). My brothers and I contend that the problem with their example is that, you kinda want to marry everyone after only a few weeks. It's all good then, everyone is on their best behavoir. It's only after awhile that you get to know the nitty gritty bullshit that makes someone who they are. Either way ... 3.5 weeks? 1 year? Who's to say which is right? Everyone's different, and everyone gets to make their own mistakes and live their own life. Yeah, maybe this guy is a marriageholic and the girl is young and dumb ... but I'm not either one of them, so what do I care? +1 Excellent post. I can't add anything more insightful than this. HD |
| 2006-02-08 6:32 AM in reply to: #341065 |
| Expert 707 Kansas | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? She is 26 and works at Pizza Hut.... and she does not own the Pizza Hut T in Liberty Lake - 2006-02-07 6:02 PM Is number 3 26 and rich or just 26? |
| 2006-02-08 6:53 AM in reply to: #341013 |
| Crystal Lake, IL | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? I don't have any divorce statistics to back this up, but I would not be surprised if they were similar for people who married after a short period of time getting to know each other or a long period of time. Lots of us have known people who dated for years but after they got married things changed and it didn't work out, right? Dating longer is not necessarily an indicator that marriage will work. Your friend has to be committed to both the girl AND the institution of marriage for this one to work out, and so does she. His track record suggests he is not. It doesn't sound like a good idea to me but not because of the dating time frame, but his attitude towards marriage. If there were extenuating circumstances like he was cheated on or abused or something then that changes things, I'm not trying to be insensitive here. I just don't think enough people have respect for the work it takes to make a marriage last. On my first date with my wife I knew I loved her. After our second date I knew, I mean I KNEW I would marry her. Two weeks later she moved in and 6 months later I proposed. 10 years, 3 houses, almost 3 kids (7 weeks left) and a billion "I love you's" later things are going great. |
| 2006-02-08 7:07 AM in reply to: #341013 |
| Wife, Mother, Friend. 2457 South | Subject: RE: Marriage Engagement after 3.5 weeks??? no clue about your friends, I echo what Chippy says. After the honeymoon period of dating, they revert to normalcy- farting, burping, scratching, picking, shaking, whatever. Me? We got engaged two months after meeting at a Crawfish Fest and been married for 18 years next week. Most of them good, but who's perfect?
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