Triathlon and training = Obsessive? (Page 2)

I have been experiencing a similar situation.  This is my first year of triathalon and at the sprint level my training is manageable, however the volume increased drastically from my previous 3 days per week strength training schedule that I primarialy do at lunch.  Now I'm running and swimming in the AM, running lifting at lunch and biking/running in the evenings throught the week.  My friends and family's inability to comprehend why I would want to do this is not an issue for me, I don't care what they think, but my wife is a different story. 

What I have been having the hardest time with is she doesn't get it, she can't comprehend why I am driven by this and unfortunatley, inadvertantly lays down a level of guilt when I tell her,  I'm going out to train.  My recent purchase of a new bike caused a whole other level of stress and incomprehension.  When I try to talk to her about my goals and aspirations in triathalon including upcoming races, HIM's and the promisland of IM she blows it off, or thinks it is ludricris.  Outside of 1-2 quick 30-45 min training sessions in the evening, I schedule the majority of my training around family time so I can spend as much time as possible with her and our son.

We have an awesome 3 year old boy who loves to put on daddy's running shoes when I get back from a run, or put on his bike helmet and says, "Daddy, I do triafanon" when I exited the lake during my 1st tri, I could hear him screaming "lets go Daddy" which melts my heart!  I try to use that as an example for my wife to show the positive influence on our child my training and goals will have, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. 

My wife is my best friend and we do everything together and we have a tremendous relationship, I would love for that to be the case with triathalon, but it is not.  This puts me in a tough spot when I plan on upping the ante over the next few years to Olympic training next year, HIM and IM training in the future. 

Has anyone else experienced this with their significant others?  Any advice for a noob struggling with this life-training balance? Has this been addressed here in the past?  And what is the best way to convince my wife I need a wetsuit?  HA!   

-B

Maybe I'm just too hardcore overall for people to understand? (Thanks tri people for understanding )

I'll bet those peeps who play mafia wars or farmland or take 20 quizzes a day like "what kind of body hair are you" would have plenty of time to work out if they would just stop doing that sort of stuff.....those posts make me crazy too, although I am guilty of too many posts about poop and kids! 

IMO, you throw a lot of softballs out there for non-triathletes to bash on facebook when you throw up your workouts.  2 workouts in one day!!! OMG!!!  Agreeing with breckview a bit, but the baseline of 'normal' generally means a sliding scale of comfort with a 5k a big deal to some and the percentages getting bigger the more distance you throw up there.  How many folks you think actually regularly ride a bike for distance on a cross section of friends and family that arent tri folks?  And to how many of them is swimming going to the rec center with the kids and playing around?  And then you tack all that together?  Thats nuts!

Obsessive is subjective and relative methinks.  However, swimming instead of eating!, waking up early instead of sleeping cuz you watched TV late!!, free discussion of GI status and bodily functions, etc, etc.... these are things 'normal' folks just dont do.  I personally dont get a lot of the things 'normal' people do on the flip side of the coin, but there are a lot more of them that are ok wading through life with more in common, more that is comfortable.  Dont overanalyze it if you are having fun and those close to you support.  Maybe someday you will look back at it and think wtf was I thinking?  But for now dont expect others to understand.

I am a mother of two young children (4 & 2) and I work full time an hour from my house.  I still find time to train 5-7 hours a week.  After leading a sedentary lifestyle for years and telling myself that someday there would be more time to exercise I decided to change my life before time really did run out.  In the last 10 months I've lost over 70 pounds and have gotten myself into pretty good shape and I've never been happier.  Some of my friends question how I could go out and workout some evenings leaving my kids at home with my husband.  If I was a guy and went out of town on business all the time would I get the same questions?  I eat healthy now, don't drink, don't watch TV and I've never felt better so why do other people have to complain about it.  In the long run my kids will benefit from a mom that leads a healthy lifestyle and as they get older I plan on doing more active things that include them (and hopefully my husband - I'm working on him).

I understand that as a mother of young kids it is hard to find the energy and commitment to do tris but I don't understand why if you can't do that why you have to say negative things to me about it.  I'm lucky that I've found a group of other moms in the same situation as me and I'm already starting to see that over time these will be the friends that I spend more and more time with.  I've finally found something that I can obsess about (in a good way) which is a relief after feeling like I was lost in my roll as a working mom who hates her job . . .

That's a bit of an assumption, don't you think?

I think a lot of us assume that our "non-athletic" friends are just jealous of how "awesome" we all are, but really, most of it comes down to the fact that they're simply not interested in triathlon. I have plenty of friends who think triathlon and running are "crazy", but they still eat well, take care of themselves, exercise regularly, etc - they just don't do triathlons. Doing cardio-kickboxing and lifting weights will still keep you fit and healthy. I think most triathletes are quick to judge those that don't do the stuff we do, as if triathlon were the only way to keep ourselves healthy happy. What about a FB friend who's an accomplished musican posting "Had fantastic rehearsal and laid down some sweet tracks" or "got second violin with _____ orchestra" - would you take as much interest in those goals and accomplishments as you expect non-athletes to take in yours? Doubtful. Would some of you perhaps be SLIGHTLY jealous because they're making something happen for them that you didn't have the talent for? I'd bet possibly so... (sorry, I used a music example because it's what I know, but you get the idea - fill it in with horseback riding or publishing a novel or whatever else you want)

Thing is, triathlon is not the only interest worth having. It's not the only thing that makes us happy, keeps us healthy, validates us as human beings. I'm quite sure that there are people out there who find great joy in coaching youth sports, keep themselves healthy by not smoking or drinking, do something active every single day, even if that's riding a stationary bike for an hour. My mom walks 4 miles every day. She's not a triathlete. Does that make her "lazy" and "unmotivated" as everyone has accused those who don't do triathlons of being? That's just an example, but you get my point. Perhaps triathlon just doesn't interest some people. Perhaps they prefer to spend their time, energy and motivation doing something else. Not everyone who isn't a triathlete is a lazy, fat slob. Sure there are lots of lazy fat slobs in this world - I know for a fact that there are former lazy, fat slobs on here. But I don't think the most worthy path to getting out of that state is to become someone who does nothing but eat/sleep/breathe/dream/poop triathlon.

If you want friends who will coo and awe over your athletic achievements, ditch your non-triathlete friends and hang out solely with triathletes. Personally, I wouldn't want such a one-sided lifestyle, but if that makes you happy, then cool. Just keep in mind that not everyone shares your enthusiasms and that's actually okay. There are more things in life to enjoy - like Krispy Kremes

Take this with a grain of salt, flame me or whatever.

I agree with just aboout everything you said.. most non-triathlete's don't give a rat's arse about triathlons and don't envy the lifestyle.  A couple years ago a good friend used the phrase "one-deminsional" to desribe his sister, a triatlete.  At the time I took offense to the statement, partly because I felt it was a jab at me.  Anyway I think about his comment often.  Triathlon is a great sport for those of us that take part...but the majority of people I know really are not all that interested.  And most of them are fairly fit and active...just don't do triathlon.

You know how it goes.. Those who want look for opportunities, and those who do not look for excuses..
I have used the "higher priorities" and "do not have time" excuse many times before I finally decided that I wanted to be on the "opportunities" side.
When my younger and much heavier friends start asking how I find time and tell me they just feel too tired to exercise or have no time, I tell them it's bs. You either want to be healthy, or you do not. That's it.

Exactly. And don't get me wrong - I like triathlon, I really do. I like it as a sport, I think it's cool, it's fun to watch and on occasion, I have fun doing it :-P. I really WISH I liked cycling more than I do, or I'd be more involved. I did two relays this weekend, where I swam and ran and had a blast. But even at that, there's still other stuff that's fun and worth doing and I might be sad if I didn't get to do those things as often, and that's probably true for a lot of people.

It's like the joke "how do you know someone is a triathlete - he'll be the first one to tell you". It's funny cuz it's true.

Just to comment on this and add something I meant to say earlier. A lot of people here were those people at one point. Think about how you felt before you got into triathlon/running. I think it has less to do with jealousy or laziness and more to do with intimidation. Esp. when triathletes are constantly going around and rattling off stats and gears and nutrition facts and tossing off "oh, I just ran an easy 8 miles". For someone who's never run more than in their weekly pick-up soccer game, that seems like a lot. And that's why they toss off the "oh, I'm too busy, oh, I could never do that", comments. (I used to dance and do other stuff - I was active and fit, but didn't think I could run either. Even 3 miles seemed daunting at first.) Those people usually just need a reason or impetus to do it, ya know?  And have someone who isn't going to make them feel like they'll never get there. I got a friend to train for her first 10K last winter - she was very hesitant about running with me, and I'm not that fast and haven't been running for decades, or anything. Luckily, I was coming off injury and promised to run the 14:00/miles with her or whatever she was able to do. Now she runs regularly and even entered a couple of 5Ks this summer. 

So instead of mocking these people, why not try encouraging them? You can't force everyone to do something they don't want to do, but if the spark is there, blow on the flame a bit...and it'll take some of the focus off of yourself for a bit, which is healthy. Invite them to do a 5K fun run, organize a relay, etc. It shouldn't always be about winning the podium every time or only hanging out with the fastest of the fast. Don't just encourage those who are already basically at your level. Then you'll still have a small pool of very fast people and a bunch of folks who still won't like triathlon.