letting your kids quit stuff (Page 2)

jeffnboise - 2010-11-11 12:04 PM Man, you guys are TOUGH!

He's only 4.  FOUR!  He has the rest of his long life to learn life's tough lessons.  Sounds like something isn't 'right' with class.  Find out what that is, then what (if anything) you can do to correct it.  "Tough Love" is not the answer to a 4 yr old with seperation anxiety.

Sometimes we all just need a hug. 
(If you doubt that at all- look further into COJ and/or Injuries forum)

r1237h - 2010-11-11 10:55 AM With us, it depends on what is being learned. Things that have to do with safety, no option for quitting. That means that swimming and karate are compulsory, and quitting is not allowed, regardless of how much they tell us it is terrible. Not drowning and self defense are two things I am not even going to argue about. Period.

With other things, we usually make them finish the part we paid for, and allow them not to continue with it afterwords, so it's a win-win situation. They didn't quite at that time, but they don't have to continue.

We did allow the oldest to quit ice skating after the second lesson. First, I saw that he was really suffering, and second, I saw that the instructors weren't paying attention to him or helping. We agreed that he will try again at a later date.

In your case, perhaps a different teacher? A private lesson instead of a group (which is what we did for the oldest son)?

r1237h - 2010-11-11 1:55 PM With us, it depends on what is being learned. Things that have to do with safety, no option for quitting. That means that swimming and karate are compulsory, and quitting is not allowed, regardless of how much they tell us it is terrible. Not drowning and self defense are two things I am not even going to argue about. Period.

With other things, we usually make them finish the part we paid for, and allow them not to continue with it afterwords, so it's a win-win situation. They didn't quite at that time, but they don't have to continue.

We did allow the oldest to quit ice skating after the second lesson. First, I saw that he was really suffering, and second, I saw that the instructors weren't paying attention to him or helping. We agreed that he will try again at a later date.

In your case, perhaps a different teacher? A private lesson instead of a group (which is what we did for the oldest son)?

gearboy - 2010-11-11 2:20 PM

We are talking about a 4 year old.  Do you honestly believe that you would entrust a 4 year old to be safe swimming unsupervised, or to defend himself or herself against a physical attack?  If you force them through, especially at this age, you are unlikely to have a good outcome.

Several people have responded in this thread how being forced at too young an age turned them off.  I haven't seen anyone posting how it changed their lives for the better.  And my call in this case is based not on small n's of personal experience, but on an understanding of child development.

TheSchwamm - 2010-11-11 2:39 PM i started swimming lessons when i was very little. Early on in the lessons, they made us each jump off the diving board. We were going to be caught by one of the instructors and helped to the side. i remember standing on the edge of the diving board, staring at the blue blue pool. i remember the sun on the water and the teacher telling me it was going to be okay. i stood there for a very long time, holding up the class. They brought over a pole and tried to lower me into the water. i wouldn't. i was frozen at the end of the board. Eventually they let me come down. My parents withdrew me from swimming lessons that summer. The next summer they enrolled me into the same class again, and i happily charged off the diving board. i finished all the classes that program offered. Taking a break from swimming lessons doesn't have to be a permanent thing.

Bmel - 2010-11-11 3:32 PM

I want to protect my children and I believe learning how to swim at a young age can only help.

Bmel - 2010-11-11 1:32 PM

So Gearboy just to be clear, if your child wants to quit Kindergarden, that's okay.  I put swimming lessons as learning any important safety skill.  No my 5 yr old can not swim unsupervisored, but accidents do and have happened.  I want to protect my children and I believe learning how to swim at a young age can only help.

Bmel - 2010-11-11 3:32 PM
...

So Gearboy just to be clear, if your child wants to quit Kindergarden, that's okay.  I put swimming lessons as learning any important safety skill.  No my 5 yr old can not swim unsupervisored, but accidents do and have happened.  I want to protect my children and I believe learning how to swim at a young age can only help.

gearboy - 2010-11-11 12:20 PM

We are talking about a 4 year old.  Do you honestly believe that you would entrust a 4 year old to be safe swimming unsupervised, or to defend himself or herself against a physical attack?  If you force them through, especially at this age, you are unlikely to have a good outcome.

Several people have responded in this thread how being forced at too young an age turned them off.  I haven't seen anyone posting how it changed their lives for the better.  And my call in this case is based not on small n's of personal experience, but on an understanding of child development.

r1237h - 2010-11-11 4:43 PM

Safe swimming unsupervised? No. However, a few months ago we were leaving the swimming pool, and my youngest son was on a float, being dragged by me. Two kids playing around knocked him off, and it took me a few seconds to realize what had happened and to reach him. When I did, he was busy keeping his head above the water, with the most determined face I have EVER seen in my life, and he hadn't gone under. He later explained to us proudly that he kicked "like they taught me in swimming class". You consider this unreasonable? I disagree, but to each their own. So you raise your kid's in your perfect manner, and I will continue to bumble along happily, making mistakes with how I wrongly take care of my kids.

As for physical attacks, if you seriously believe that the world is full of love and joy, with no violence, then all I can do is wish you luck on your planet. It's called Pollyanna, right? Yes, my poor children learn self defense. However, they also learn that violence is the absolute LAST resort. That one can talk, walk/run away, talk to a teacher/adult, etc.

Lastly, my "understanding" of child development is probably limited. I tend to use common sense and reality instead. And yet, so far my kid's have survived.

Go figure.

trigal38 - 2010-11-11 4:47 PM 

Dad and I talked with my son. He said he didn't like getting water in his eyes and teacher was having him float on his back and water would get in his ears. He has not liked floating on his back since he was 9 months old in a baby swimming class and then had an ear infection. I told him we could get some ears plugs but he wants nothing to do with that. So, we decided that he should try one more time. I talked to his teacher, who is very nice and patient swim teacher (I've seen her teach other classes while I'm swimming laps). Today went much better, he even said he had fun. I think we'll make it to the end of the month and then see what he wants to do.

Goosedog - 2010-11-11 1:46 PM

So, after all that, what would you suggest for the OP who hasn't had the chance to observe her 4 year old's swimming lesson? 

trigal38 - 2010-11-11 1:47 PM Uh oh, gone for the day. Looks like I missed a lot. I'm going to go back and read everyones comments but this is what we did today.

Dad and I talked with my son. He said he didn't like getting water in his eyes and teacher was having him float on his back and water would get in his ears. He has not liked floating on his back since he was 9 months old in a baby swimming class and then had an ear infection. I told him we could get some ears plugs but he wants nothing to do with that. So, we decided that he should try one more time. I talked to his teacher, who is very nice and patient swim teacher (I've seen her teach other classes while I'm swimming laps). Today went much better, he even said he had fun. I think we'll make it to the end of the month and then see what he wants to do.

r1237h - 2010-11-11 4:52 PM

I already asked is perhaps a different teacher might help. If not, may a private lesson instead of a group. If that doesn't help, talking to the child, explaining the importance, and explaining that swimming WILL be learned, but perhaps a small break? The lessons in are area are on a sort of cycle, so a child can take a two month break, and return. We have done this.

if I gave the impression that swimming will be learned NOW, WITH A SMILE, with me holding a whip, my apologies. Sometimes the timing is wrong, sometimes a break is needed. But where we live there are so much water activities, such as lakes, rivers, beaches and pools, that I seriously consider swimming a safety issue to be learned sooner, rather then later. But flexibility is absolutly needed with kids.

swimming and karate are compulsory, and quitting is not allowed, regardless of how much they tell us it is terrible. Not drowning and self defense are two things I am not even going to argue about. Period.

gearboy - 2010-11-11 2:12 PM



You kind of totally did leave that impression in the original posting that I also quoted here.  Your last posting shows agreement with what I said earlier - that you have to take development into account (you say timing, I say development).  See?  We are not so different.

trigal38 - 2010-11-11 2:23 PM Good idea about the goggles - I'll check with his teacher.