Question for those in relationships (Page 2)

Oh, great, thanks, now I can't get "Feeling Good" out of my head. I'll be singing that for the next three weeks . . .

For all my single friends, I recommend your local chain bookstore on Friday/Saturday nights. Barnes and Noble, Borders, whatever. Slightly better clientele than your corner bar, better lighting, your clothes don't smell like smoke on the next day and there's a greater likelihood that they'll share your interests. I never fail to get hit on, though not always by the right gender, when I'm in such a place later in the evenings.

I met my wife.......brace yourself this is very original.........at a BAR! She was with friends who knew some of the friends I was with. We met through them and the rest is history. (12 years of marriage this year)

Okay, I do go there at the times specified.  Hmmm... maybe I'm spending too much time actually looking at umm... books?  And not enough checking out the local eye candy.

Have to think about this one.

Yep, I'm a girl, looking for a guy - but now know how to signal interest.  

I need to work on the showing interest thing I think.  In some scenarios, it's like flirt mode is On, but in other scenarios (read: where I spend MOST of my time) flirt mode is Off.  Guess I need to work on always being ready to flirt.

Although there was this guy at the pool the other day...

Hmmm... definitely feeling more positive with the number of people who met online first - maybe have to go that route for a while.   I've done that before, but not for some time.

I don't currently have a BF, but I meet people all the time because I initiate the conversation. I ask a lot of questions. Like standing in line at the grocery store, I'll point to a headline on one of the tabloids and laugh and ask the person behind me, "Can you believe that?" Or if they have steak and beer in the cart, I'll ask if they're having a party. Or, I can be anywhere, and if someone has on a T-shirt with an event on it, I'll ask them about the event and what it was like. It's an old Seinfeld episode, but I've asked people if I can feel the fabric of their shirt because it looks so soft. On and on. At the bookstore, turn and ask the person next to you if they've read the book you have in your hand or what they would recommend. What's the last book they read? Who's their favorite author? Just ask the first question, and you'd be surprised at how easy it goes from there....

I met my husband at the dorm cafeteria where we both worked in college. Unbeknownst to me, he had arranged his schedule to have some of the same shifts as me. Too bad I thought he was rude and mean for the first few weeks...and I was dating someone at the time. Broke up with that person, realized that Andy was just trying to be funny, and we started hanging out. We've been together over 5 years now and it's been great. Plus, I always get a laugh out of how much I couldn't stand him when we first me. How times have changed...

Anyone in the mood for specific advice?

Here goes:

I play sports in a summer league. The ratio is about 3:1 guys to girls, but I don't really meet men I'm interested in there, because, well, we all smell, and those proportions tend to lead to a lot of offputting male behavior. I honestly can say that I didn't "notice" anyone last summer. Also, at the time, I was getting a ton of attention for the first time in about four years from every corner (lost 75 pounds, btw), so I was a little overwhelmed (and playing the field).

Fast forward to the end of the season this year a few weeks ago, and we played my old captain's team. I took one look at him, and a major crush bullet hit me. I honestly wonder why I didn't notice him last year - he's got a rocking body, is sweet as hell, bikes, is the strong and silent type, and teaches elementary school - yum. He actually tried to say something to me, and I started stuttering. It was horrific.

The problem:

1) I am pretty sure that he thinks that I am a) significantly younger than I am, and b) not overly bright. Those impressions could be corrected relatively quickly, but there is problem #2:

The season is over, and I'm not sure if I will see him around. I have his email from last year, and I know a few friends of his. Apparently he is very much single. My question is: how do I meet up with him again without stalking him? I honestly would just like to have a fifteen-minute conversation to either dispel this crush or see if there's anything more there. And if I enlist the help of a mutual friend, how do I guarantee that they will keep their mouth shut? Help........

I have his email from last year,

Why don't you just send him a short e-mail? Ask him about the season you just finished and if he's playing any fall sports or whatever. Keep it casual and you should be able to gage by his response if there is any interest. But you could start with some e-mail correspondence and see if anything develops from there.

Great thread...

I can so relate with being single. I was single for almost 10yrs, dating lots, meeting guys at bars, introductions, work etc...but none of them was what i was looking for, and i was not willing to lower any standards. I may have reworked and re-evaluated those standards, but i was not willing to compromise.

I tried the online dating - posted ads, met guys in my area (Vancouver Canada) but still no one that made me want to give up my "wish list" - I'd rather be single and dating than be with someone that i did not ROCK MY WORLD - or irritated me after a while

I decided to spread my NET out far and wide so to speak. To stop looking for men in my area, and just keep my options open, and look more for interesting people rather than relationships.

So then one day, in a Yahoo chat room, this man made me laugh - I was so tired of all the Lame guys on the net, with the same old stupid questions, and boring things to say - simply trying to get laid....but this one guy....kept making me laugh - and that's not always easy. He lived in Chicago, and i wasnt really interested in doing long distance things, so we maintained a friendship, sent each other emails (for almost 8 months) chatted on the phone, and then almost a year later, i knew that i really liked him. I missed chatting with him, i was intrigued with him. We decided to meet in Seattle.

I dont know much about physical attraction, love at first site, kinda thing, but i do know that we liked and respected each other so much, that it was inevitable that we would like each other in person. Less than 6 months later, i got my visa and moved to Chicago and married him.

Not only is he my best friend and partner, but we are very much in love - he jumps into yucky lake michigan and swims beside me (as much as he can) during training, he rides his bike with me, and races me up hills, he runs little 5k races with me to keep me on my toes....and then massages my feet afterward.

I doesnt matter so much where or how you meet - as long as you keep your mind and heart open, dont discount someone because of trivial things like looks, money jobs etc...just make sure you enjoy their company, you respect their values, and you like their jokes.

Good luck in your search. There is someone out there for you.

Salma

I love this! Yes!

Well how many times have you asked someone out recently? Are you getting shot down everytime you ask?

Great story! Thanks for sharing.

Dammit..excluded again!

I met my wife in a gym. She told me I had nice legs, so I married her.

That's the absolute truth, as far as it goes...

My wife and I met while in middle school. I was 14, she was 13. We actually grew up 10 block apart, went to the same pre-school, but different elementary schools. We still debate if we were in the same pre-school class. A friend knew her from the summer before 7th grade and told me about her, but said to stay away, because she was his. She walked up and I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, and I told another friend she would be my wife! What did I know, I was 14. Well, I got to know her over the next few weeks and I liked her too. The best part was, she also liked me. So love began at 14 years old. Well, we started going steady and there was no doubt, she was my girlfriend. A few months later she told me she was pregnant. I was 15 and she was 14 when Nick was born nine months later. I started working and she went to night school, she graduated high school and I kept working. We married when I was 18, she was 17. It was a VERY hard life, so hard that we divorced less than 2 years later. We went in separate directions in life. She went to beauty school and I went to trade school. Another 2 years went by. We were totally over each other and life was going on. We both had a few failed relationships. On Halloween of that year, after a few too many drinks, I decided I needed my family back. I made a deal with God, I would stop drinking, smoking, and other stuff if I could have them back. I packed up all my stuff on Nov 1, drove 200 miles back to Houston and moved in with my mother. My sister got married that year on Nov 17 and she invited her to the wedding. It had been over a year since we had seen each other, we lived in different cities. I was so shocked when she walked into the room. She was now the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She was driven to the wedding by my other sister who became very drunk and could not drive. So I drove my ex wife home. We ended up going to the park and talked till 6:00am!! We talked on the phone every day after that. She agreed to go out with me on Nov 21 for my birthday. We have been together ever since that day. We remarried 6 months later and we just celebrated our 18th anniversary. Nick is now 21 and has a child of his own (yes, that makes me a grandfather at 36 years old) and we have 2 others, Zack is 9 and Catherine is 6. Bonnie, my wife is still the most beautiful woman I know and is a great inspiration to me. She is not only my wife but my best friend too. She is a great cyclist, runner and she is starting to be a good swimmer too. She will do her first tri on Sunday, if we can get her in (it is sold out, but might be some slots available Saturday night). So there is the Readers Digest version of our story. BTW, I don’t drink (11 years) or smoke (14 years) or do any of the other stuff. Best of luck to you.

Work - He was divorce - I was getting a divorce ( a good thing). .. He was my first date after newly separated - that's was 8 yrs ago - living together for 7 now..
We both work for separate companies now..

FreeSwimmingFish:  I really like your story.  It's hard to be separate and go back together again. 

That's the best story I've heard in a long time.  Thanks!!!

Joe, that was a really sweet story. I'm so glad for you that you earned your spot back in her life.

Good story Joe. It just shows that you make your own breaks in life. Here's to another 18 years...and beyond!

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