Dating girl with male "best friend"... would like thoughts.. (Page 2)

Only if you stay...

Frankly, you deserve better and you can do better.  You like her, but there are lots of people in the world that will fit that description and most won't have that particular brand of baggage.

I would be leery of this woman's relationship with the ex-boyfriend.  From your description it sounds like he was a controlling and unhealthy influence on her past.  And the fact that he won't allow anyone to come between her son and him is not going to make your future any easier.  Will he bow out should you two get married and/or relocate?  She needs to decide where her priorities lie.  The woman is not being fair to anyone, especially the child, to be less than clear on what everyone's role is in her life. 

So you don't out-and-out say it, but I'm assuming the ex is the kid's father? If that's true, it's a seriously GOOD THING that she's close with him. At least for the kid's sake. And if you do truly like her, I actually think in the long run, it'll be good for your relationship if they are close. The dad should be part of the kid's life, no doubt. And if there's less drama in the kid's parents' relationship, then there will be less drama in your relationship with her.

Bottom line: make sure you're clear about how you feel about her, and what concerns you about her relationship with her ex. It's going to come down to whether or not you trust her. IMO, it woiuld be a shame to let an otherwise good relationship die because she has a past.

Jeremy,

On the one hand, I think it's unfair of you to expect this woman to jettison her friends from her life, even if you don't approve of those friends. She had a life before meeting you; people have had an impact on her life and some of those people still inhabit her life. This guy is someone who has been around and you, on the other hand, are someone she barely knows. She's supposed to start making drastic changes in her life for someone she hardly knows?

On the other hand, I can understand your misgivings about this guy and how his presence in her life reflects poorly on her. He sounds like El Cruddisimo. I would be questioning why she keeps someone like this in her life. Being a single mom is excruciatingly hard; perhaps she overlooks his negative behaviors because the thought of not having his help is just too overwhelming for her. That is just a wild-azz guess. Your best approach is to ask her what she gets out of this relationship with her former controlling bf. Understanding what she gets out of that will tell you alot about the choices she's made and how she values herself.

I briefly dated somone who told me his exgf of 3 years was explosive. Instead of feeling sorry for him, I wondered what he got out of her explosions. He wouldn't have hung around if he wasn't getting some kind of payoff (and I'm not talking about the horizontal kind). Same thing applies to your woman - she wouldn't have stayed in that relationship with El Cruddisimo if she didn't get some kind of emotional payoff from his bad behavior. Maybe it reinforces her belief that she doesn't deserve better? that all men are controlling?

Whatever her belief problemo is, I think it's very inappropriate of her to discuss the details of her previous relationship with this dork. Also, what on earth is she doing telling you that the dorkmeister said you aren't going to get between him and her son? WTF was that about? That was a stupid thing to tell you. What did she hope to accomplish/provoke by telling you that? It's like she's trying to drive you away. Or maybe, to get you involved in her soap opera.

I would jettison this flake not because her exbf is a threat to your relationship but because her choices reflect poorly on her. Find a more mature woman who doesn't dig soap operas. Life is dramatic enough.

Yikes!  It sounds like way too much baggage, in my opinion.  Not only the cruel ex who is now "a friend" but it sounds like there are some insecurity issues and little regard for your feelings.  Not to mention that there is a child involved which means there is a third man who could appear at any time.

I don't think there is any question about the right thing to do here - unless you like a lot of drama in your life.  Good luck!

What a way to tell me. Thanks.

Jeremy,

I didn't refer to her as a flake because she's a single mom. I think her judgment is suspect since she keeps this guy, whom she describes in very unfavorable terms, in her life and her son's life. And because she tells you things that she shouldn't really be telling you. I repeat: Ask her what she gets out of this relationship.

Some yahoo who says of his ex-girlfriend's new date "He's not getting between me and (her son)" doesn't have it all together. You shouldn't even know that he said that to her. Are they friends or not? Or is he just a convenient device to trigger the protective and/or jealous impulses of the men she dates?

I'm very selective about who I call "friend" and who I let in my life, so take it with a salt lick.