Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 26)

bb_boogie - 2010-07-29 6:39 AM Oh and also I wanted to quit triathlon this morning and run away from everyone, almost threw my bike over the side of my house. And I yelled at my dog and refused to sleep in bed with my wife last night because I was angry even thoug I didn't know why. So fu#($(# sick of this! At least I'm taking my meds.  Anyway. Racing this weekend. Pissed that I can't seem to get it together.

AAARRGGGH. Frustrated.

phoenixazul - 2010-08-07 8:14 PM Ugh, I thought I was doing so good. It feels like things are really picking up for everyone around me. By brother is almost a fully vetted CPA, everyone I know is flipping pregnant (I swear, if one more freakin' person asks me when I'm getting knocked up, I'm going to f**king scream. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!), four people I know just bought houses, I helped my coworker get an awesome full time career position at another places, my husband got a raise... and yet I can't help think about how I'm not achieving any of these things. I had two pretty devastating job rejections (for things I interviewed for, not like resumes I threw out into the abyss) in the last two weeks. And now I'm hanging by a string hoping for a long-term contract job in DC. I *think* it went well, but I thought the same thing about every other job I've been rejected for. I thought I'd know something by friday, but no word came...and I don't know if that's bad or good or what? I don't know when they're going to make a decision because the start date is Sept 1 and I need to give notice and find a place to live and move and do all of this if they're going to hire me. And if they're not going to hire me I need to have some time to cry and be angry before I can start sending resumes again. I just hate this feeling of having no control over the next steps of my life. I can't go anywhere or do anything until I know solidly what is going to happen. And while I'm ecstatic for my friends and family for their happy news, they invariably turn to me with that "look" of, "so...are you working a real job yet?". And the "Your time will come." Well, I've been at it for nearly two years...still waiting for my time. And it's that pity, that "you should do more" condescension that just cuts me to the core. I always thought that I was a tough person, that if I worked hard, studied hard, kept out of trouble, that I could succeed. And my failure to do so (and it is failure, because there's obviously something that I'm doing wrong here) is just killing me.

phoenixazul - 2010-08-07 8:14 PM Ugh, I thought I was doing so good. It feels like things are really picking up for everyone around me. By brother is almost a fully vetted CPA, everyone I know is flipping pregnant (I swear, if one more freakin' person asks me when I'm getting knocked up, I'm going to f**king scream. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!), four people I know just bought houses, I helped my coworker get an awesome full time career position at another places, my husband got a raise... and yet I can't help think about how I'm not achieving any of these things. I had two pretty devastating job rejections (for things I interviewed for, not like resumes I threw out into the abyss) in the last two weeks. And now I'm hanging by a string hoping for a long-term contract job in DC. I *think* it went well, but I thought the same thing about every other job I've been rejected for. I thought I'd know something by friday, but no word came...and I don't know if that's bad or good or what? I don't know when they're going to make a decision because the start date is Sept 1 and I need to give notice and find a place to live and move and do all of this if they're going to hire me. And if they're not going to hire me I need to have some time to cry and be angry before I can start sending resumes again. I just hate this feeling of having no control over the next steps of my life. I can't go anywhere or do anything until I know solidly what is going to happen. And while I'm ecstatic for my friends and family for their happy news, they invariably turn to me with that "look" of, "so...are you working a real job yet?". And the "Your time will come." Well, I've been at it for nearly two years...still waiting for my time. And it's that pity, that "you should do more" condescension that just cuts me to the core. I always thought that I was a tough person, that if I worked hard, studied hard, kept out of trouble, that I could succeed. And my failure to do so (and it is failure, because there's obviously something that I'm doing wrong here) is just killing me.

Krega - 2010-08-31 10:33 PM I have been battling chronic resistent depression for allof my adult life. I can trace the early stages of it back to High School though I wasn't diagnosed until recently. I am also ADD which wasn't diagnosed in childhood and the two feed off each other.
Anti-depressants just keep the edge off. As I said my depression is very resistant. Running is about the only thing that makes me feel good. So it becomes very easy to push myself too hard but I have to run, to stay motivated to run!

Stay the course!

JonnyRingo84 - 2010-09-11 4:46 AM

A few years ago I had a couple of serious panic attacks.  Everything has been resolved over the last couple of years, and I figured I'd drop my "success" story for anyone in a similar spot.

As of April 2008 I couldn't go 20 minutes at 3mph on the treadmill without feeling incredibly dizzy.  My August 2008 I had finished a 5K in 26 minutes.  By October 2009 I had a 10K in 54 minutes.  March 2010 8K in 38 minutes.  This summer I ran an 8K in 37 and a 10-K in 46, a sub 20 5K, and this weekend am pumped to start my triathlon career with the Nation's.

Something about the rhythm of strides, the wind in my race on the bike, and that "holy s**t" feeling when you realize you just dropped a new PR always made me happy even when I fely like crap.

mchally - 2010-09-15 7:00 PM Suggestion to all...Never come off Luvox cold turkey...I have been soooo sick for more than a week now and am not showing any improvement yet.  The dr put me on an anti nausea med so that I can keep food and water down.  My gut tolerates things now but the rest of me still feels like crapola. 

Oh yah...I have a biking event on Sunday that I've really been looking forward to, but I am not sure if I can safely ride now.  Considering that I've been having some vision and equilibrium issues as well as all the back and neck pain...

mchally - 2010-09-16 10:00 AM Suggestion to all...Never come off Luvox cold turkey...I have been soooo sick for more than a week now and am not showing any improvement yet.  The dr put me on an anti nausea med so that I can keep food and water down.  My gut tolerates things now but the rest of me still feels like crapola. 

Oh yah...I have a biking event on Sunday that I've really been looking forward to, but I am not sure if I can safely ride now.  Considering that I've been having some vision and equilibrium issues as well as all the back and neck pain...

triosaurus - 2010-09-16 10:06 AM

Sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. Can I/we ask why you stopped the medication, and in such a way?  I thought that it was recommended to gradually reduce anti-depressants.... I know how crappy I feel if I miss just one day, or even if I am delayed in taking it by more than 4 or 5 hours.....

I hope that you are soon able to tolerate food, and quickly begin to feel better!

kelly

msmegganann - 2010-09-17 6:14 AM I hear you about medicine giving you problems!  I've struggled with depression a lot - mostly before they found out I had thyroid cproblems and got me on snythroid. 

I'm currently going on my 4th day of full rest because I've had toe issues and have been trying to get them cleared up and the depression is BACK!

I'm hoping the podiatrist tomorrow will confirm what I've already heard so I can move on - in the meantime, I've been playing it completely safe and resting totally.

THIS IS MAKING ME CRAZY! Like, to the point where I'm randomly bursting into tears.  My training plan was going better than ever in my life, and then I started having the toe pain. 

This has also been a rough week at work . . . overtime overtime!

msmegganann - 2010-09-16 3:14 PM I hear you about medicine giving you problems!  I've struggled with depression a lot - mostly before they found out I had thyroid cproblems and got me on snythroid. 

I'm currently going on my 4th day of full rest because I've had toe issues and have been trying to get them cleared up and the depression is BACK!

I'm hoping the podiatrist tomorrow will confirm what I've already heard so I can move on - in the meantime, I've been playing it completely safe and resting totally.

THIS IS MAKING ME CRAZY! Like, to the point where I'm randomly bursting into tears.  My training plan was going better than ever in my life, and then I started having the toe pain. 

This has also been a rough week at work . . . overtime overtime!

mkarr0110 - 2010-09-17 3:47 PM started a new medication called abilify about a month back. I was just in time because I now have plantar faciaitis and cant run for at least 6 weeks. Very hard for me since i have my first half marathon scheduled for thanksgiving. I even dream about running almost every night and am having some physical and mental withdrawals, hard time sleeping anxiety lethargy the usual.

I do recommend Abilify to any and all manic depressives out there, it has turned my world aroung, everything seems more manageable and the weight of the depression doesnt feel that heavy.

msmegganann - 2010-09-17 7:23 PM mchally - nice job on school! congratulations!

I never tried Abilify.  I was on Cymbalta, Lexapro, and Zoloft at different times.  I had weight gain issues with all 3, and mild to moderate dizzy spells as well.

It is definitely tough to find the right balance of meds.