March Challenge (Pick your goals!) (Page 3)

Yea you!

But you got tazed none the less.

Heh!

D001 - 2013-03-14 3:37 PM

mndymond - 2013-03-12 10:20 PM I'm not actually at 0.00%. I've been doing workouts. Wooooooooo. Lol. I've logged on TP so ill eventually transfer!!

TP? Toilet Paper? You log your workouts on toilet paper?

Well, she did say she was ill - so maybe that had something to do with it.

You and me both, I got a 5 mile run and a 32 mile bike.

I. do. not. like. ZAPS!

Hey I wonder if this works

ANTI- TASER SUIT !

You can be CERTAIN to defeat the TASER if you WEAR a fine wire mesh- again like metal window screen, or copper mesh, incorporated into your clothing- pant legs, chest, shirt sleeves ! Wear this wire mesh as if it were mosquito netting, experiment wearing beneath clothing or as outer layer.

I vote you try it out first!

I don't know, the thought of something that is conductive just doesn't seem right, unless it is to fine for the "electrodes" to latch onto.

I think I will just try to do my training instead. However, if you try it. PLEASE, PLEASE post a video

How about this instead

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on an assailant, but allowing adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries into the thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get a blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain what that burn spot is on the face of the microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie for a fraction of a second, but thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I wanted some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant. A two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control, and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while, I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long and less than 3/4 inch in circumference. Pretty cute, really, and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries. I'm thinking to myself, "No possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "Don't do it master!" reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad...

I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking, "Do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: There is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

&*$@$^#^!!!... That hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. 

 Maybe I will just get more serious about dropping the weight!!!