Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 31)

Hi everyone, first time check in.

I have been on Bt for a while now, very seldom post, total lurker for the first while.  Anyways, I have been diagnosed Bipolar II for almost 3 years, lived undiagnosed for longer than that

I take one 1800 mg dose of lithium and one 300 mg dose of seroquel all a couple hours before bed. Seroquel kicked my butt so to speak for the first year or so.  I got used to how it makes me feel and when I needed to take it to feel as good as possible in the morning.  The meds have always helped, along with 3000mg fish oil, and I felt like i hadnt in years.  

I have learned over the 3 years to control the highs and lows and troubleshoot why I am where I am and how to escape what I am feeling.  BP II is much more about the lows (honestly I kind of like my small amount of time in my manic mood swing).  but i still try to stay level through that too.

Recently though with changes at work and a small injury keeping me sidetracked for a wee bit, I have totally fallen apart!  Can barely haul my a$$ out of bed (wouldnt at all if I didnt have to be a father) I feel like i am living my life walking through syrup.  So hard and slow going, cloudy and seemingly unforgiving and endless.  I am a creature of habit and design a structured life to keep me stable.  Work changes threw that for a major loop.  Daily life as well as training has been flip turned up side down!  I cant get myself to the pool, dont want to leave the house for even a short run, still can hop on the trainer a couple times a week because i am in the comfort of my home but even these rides aren`t following my strictly regimented style.  My body doesnt want me to physically recover, sometimes the pain of a ride last for DAYS!  I never have had this ever.

 Also I have gained 20 pounds in 7 or 8 weeks! I was in peak shape, weight and racing shape.  Ready to actually compete for OA and AG spots in the first race of the season, swim was stellar, bike...oh so good and just needed to hang on for the run, had the plan the skills and desire...now the race is 2 weeks away and I am not going.  People close to me say do it for fun, but I know in my heart because of what I wanted this race to be that NO MATTER WHAT i will be disappointed now, it will never be what i worked since november for

So the further i get into my lapse the worse i am getting, I can still in my head think of a plan to escape and get out.  EVERYDAY EVERYDAY before bed i think the next day will be MINE, but as soon as I open my eyes in the morning I know i was wrong.  I hate the cloud, the pain of just waking up in the morning.  the soreness in my body caused by my mind.  The hurt, the sadness, the snappy attitude with my kids, I hate it ALL.  Its been years since I have felt like this.  I have been hospitalized twice before and feel like its coming again....NO!

I just needed to vent, to release in words how i feel.  I am sure most of you reading this totally understand, sorry for the length,  I do discuss all this with my wife, she is a rock, such a support for me, but its hard to truly appreciate a mood disorder unless you have one, so she does her best to help and I am so happy to have her, just thought I would reach out somewhere else.  My pdoc appointments have been spaced far apart because i was having so much success in my recovery, guess i need to book one STAT.

I could go on for days!...sorry just gotta post it....

Your avatar is smiling - are you?  How have you been doing with your depression?

Just checking in as another moodie (great term) and new triathlete. This thread makes me love this place even more than I did before. The support and understanding you guys have for each other is really something else. I want to be a part of it.

I have struggled with depression since age 11, was diagnosed bipolar in my 20s, did the medication thing for about a decade, and am currently med-free by choice.

Triathlon training has helped me more than the drugs ever did. At the beginning of 2010, I hurt my back and was bedridden. As my back healed, I still felt like I was dying inside; I barely left the house or got out of bed for six months. I was dealing with a lot of terrible life situations and just collapsed under it all. It was by far the lowest point in a life full of low points.

Something made me set the tiny goal of doing a 5k that summer. Even learning to walk out the door was a challenge, but my life changed the more I moved my body. Those tiny steps led to this triathlon thing. Training is my life ring when I feel the waves of depression and mania coming in. I have these legs, and I can move them, and feel the sun and fresh air on my face and air in my lungs, and it gives me something to live for even when everything else seems to slip away.

Everyone who struggles with this disease knows that sometimes just getting through the day can feel like winning a race. I think you all are very courageous, no matter what the illness might tell you otherwise.

Truth! There have been times when the level of effort just to get out of bed and get going was similar (and those who know, know I'm not kidding) to doing a marathon.

Welcome to the moodies, triforce yeah, for this reason alone, and many others, BTers have saved my life. Literally.

Just checking in ... I'm doing really well. It was a rough year physically and mentally with serious illnesses (that tend to leave 'normal' people very depressed for weeks or months). My first big 'outing' was a sprint tri in late June whereupon a wayward taxi promptly conferred bruised ribs and a concussion upon me.

HOWEVER ... I've healed quickly, did a 10K OWS and have fallen madly in love with distance ocean swimming. I feel a new vigor in my life ... also, to be frank, one of the diseases broke my joints down and while I plan to 'cross-train' with cycling and running, I think swimming is the best bet for me right now.

Hey Kelly,

Yes it is smiling but I usually hide behind that.  My depression is a roller coaster without the excitement.  I am dealing as best I can which is good and bad.  I am off meds but probably need to be back on.  I enjoyed the clear headed feeling (?) of doing the homeopathic treatments but I think that when times are tough I need to rethink that.  Since my tri season has kinda sucked, I may reevaluate my meds.  Lately I am just not sure what is going on and if it will get better.  But I am just whining!!

WOW...I went looking for this thread, just to check in, the other day and couldn't find it...and today we have many posts including new people.

You guys are correct that the BT community is the best web-therapy out there.  The people here have been so supportive and loving for me in some very dark times.

I'm fair right now...major financial issues related to major relationship issues and throw in a dose of family drama would usually = I hate myself/I hate life/etc. but right now I am hanging with it.  Closure on my divorce will solidify some of the finances..it will make them worse but at least I know what I have to do.  And when the divorce is finalized then the other relationship issues will work themselves out as they should.

No meds for me and I plan to keep it that way and I am so happy for those that have had problems in the past with there meds and now are on the correct dose/regiment/etc

Keep checking with each other here and supporting one another for sometimes I feel this is the only place I feel good about expressing my feelings

Thanks All and take care of yourself first.

Where to begin..... I have been dealing with depression most of my adult life (since the early 80's).  For the past 10 years or so things were going really well, until last month when things started going south once again.  It pretty much came to a head last thursday and to be totally honest I feel very fortunate to be alive. 

I started therapy (again) yesterday and I am working things out slowly.  We (the therapist and I) didnt want to work on too much this early. Mostly I am just concentrating on evaluating my mental health each and every day, trying to get some decent sleep and watching what and when I eat.  We are going to try to do this without drugs . 

My 2 teenage daughters have been so very very supportive.  They give me hope.

I had originally planned on doing IMLOU but since I didn't really train any last month and I am so behind where I need to be I think I'll take this as a DNS and wait until next year.  I hope to just maybe run a few road races later in the year and then re-commit to triathlons next year!  At least thats the plan.

A new moodie -- Todd

I've tried EMDR with 3 different therapists. It can be done a number of ways and is a way of helping more quickly process and resolve trauma. It did help me get through some things more quickly. Wasn't fun but it did help. I would caution you to make sure you have a good relationship with your therapist before you do it. I had one therapist who told me that if it wasn't working for me, it was because I was doing something wrong. NOT helpful!. Another therapist did a session with me right before a long weekend during which I was going on a 700-mile 7-concert tour in 5 days with the choir I sang in. Since you tend to continue processing for up to 48 hours after doing a session, that was just plain irresponsible of her. I ended up feeling like a mass of raw nerves and cried most of the trip. If you want more info about what exactly it does, how it's practiced, and research about its uses and efficacy, see http://www.emdr.com.

Goodluck!

m

Just checking in with everyone. Hopefully the fact that this thread is at the bottom of page 1 is a good thing and not because people are feeling too bad to be engaging.

I am having- GREAT/AWESOME/WONDERFUL days with a few- this $ucks/non-productive/leave me alone days thrown in for kicks and giggles. Keeping my training regular is tough and some things for work are falling through the cracks but in general things are on a positive swing.  Closure on several personal issues should be complete...or almost done...in the next 2-3 weeks and that is going to give me some stength or make things more difficult.  I WILL still handle whatever challenges that are tossed my way but it is always easier for me if things work out like I want them too...mmmmm! Imagine that.

Hope all is well with the rest of you and that things continue on the uptick.

I've been going thru a sad period lately and just need to vent my frustrations. Over the past few years, I've worked very hard to lose weight and get back in shape -- mostly for health reasons (and to overcome depression), but also to improve my chances at finding a love interest. (Prior to that, I admit I basically blocked off that part of myself.) Anyway, about 9 months ago, I felt good enough that I wanted to start looking again. So I've gone to events thru Meetup.com, and enrolled in various classes that I like. I also created a profile on Match.com. But so far, all of my attempts at getting dates have failed. I've asked women out who I've met at classes and events, but none have accepted. And none of the women I've contacted on Match.com have responded. So I'm feeling quite , to say the least. I realize I'm not great looking, but I never expected it to be this hard. My friends say that I'm too picky, but I don't really think I am -- ok, I'm not that attracted to overweight women, but is that wrong? (Especially since I've worked so hard at shedding the pounds myself?) Besides, I don't seem to have any conscious control over who I find attractive -- does anyone? Anyway, I'm feeling quite hopeless about it all, and just needed to vent. There just appears to be no overlap between who I'm attracted to, and who's attracted to me. So far, at least. 

However, I guess not *everything* is bad news in my life, though. Ironically, I am succeeding quite well at battling my overall depression. I decided recently to try to get off antidepressants, since I've been taking them for well over a decade. I tapered and then stopped the Prozac 2 weeks ago, and am now off Anafranil for 3 days (also after tapering). I'm definitely noticing my emotions more, and OCD, but so far it's been manageable. Maybe it's because I'm not so afraid of them anymore? Anyway, it's definitely positive news and I'm feeling good about it, so there is that.

Oh Keith, my love. It *will* come together. Perhaps only when you're perfectly content even if you never met a mate. Murphy works like that! Also hit me up/PM me for thoughts on the SoCal internet dating scene ... I used to consult regarding this very thing you know

Great news on your state of mind and working well through going off meds.

I had a 'taste' of IT in 2000, after my son was born. It was a combination of moving to a new country at the age of 19, having a child and absolutely no support, living in a dreadful basement appartment and working in an awful place. Running was my ONLY remedy and escape, UNTIL I got injured. That is when my depression began in earnest. It was a dark and scary time in my life, and I hope to never have to go there again. Crying-crying my eyes out and feeling soo lonely and sad, and excluded. It was a postpartum, and I am scared to even think about going through it again: hense no brother or sister for my 11 year old.

Working out works for me on so many levels: 'cleans' the mind, reason to get out, oxigen, feeling accomplished, planning, thinking about the future etc.  

HI new here,

just checking in

Hi,

I completely went off my anti-depressant in May of this year.  Previous to that, I had been on it for 7.5 years.  I was doing alright until just recently.

On Sept. 27th we had a garage fire that completely destroyed our garage, camper and everything in them. On the morning of the fire I went outside without shoes on and broke my toe on a hook (to tie a chain to for a dog) in the backyard.  I have been on crutches for 2 weeks.  I kinda thought I could just hobble around and buddy tape my toe and that would be enough.  I reinjured it two days later in the cleanup and even managed to drop something on it.  Also, it is amazing how once your toe is broken people start stepping on it!

Anyway, this is a difficult challenge.  I need a little encouragement to get through this time.

plus, I wanted to tell everyone about a book that has really helped me.

It is called, "The Depression Cure: The 6 Step Program to Preventing Depression without Medication"  I think that title is right.  The emphasis is on getting enough sunlight, social connections, sleep, omega 3's, exercise and stopping rumination.

I noticed a difference taking the fish oil in less than a week.  Check with your doctor...the recommendations are a therapeutic dose...1,000 mgs or more. 

Have a great week everyone!

Nichi

p.s.  I have four children ages 5,7,13, 16.

Hi Ted,

Thanks for your encouragement. Ironically, I was having a difficult time getting my runs in before I broke my toe.  I did a 20 miler, though, in September training for the Mankato Marathon on next Saturday.  Fortunately, it wasn't my first, or my second and I know I will be out there again.

I think I will check on some runs in December that I could do, to give me something to look forward to.

Thanks again, for responding.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I wish I could give you directions to get there.  If you can google the book, you can read all of the reviews. Last winter was one of the worst ever for me and within a month I was significantly better using the program.   

We have sunshine today, hope you do there, too!

Nichi

Hi Nichi;

Hope things are going well for you today.  Remember that going through an injury like you are can make the clouds build and hang around longer...but don;t forget...you have been through worse with the depression.  Bones heal in short order and allow us to move on and this too shall pass.

Great idea to look forward to something but not at the expense of re-injury....maybe something in late Jan-early Feb to make sure the toe is healed.  If you were doing 20 milers in Sept then you will have enough fitness to get you through a 5-10k race then on minimal training.

Teddie is right on, in saying that there are TONS of people in the BT community that can help without judgement.  Please freel free to PM me as well if you think you would like to share of talk some in private.

Best of luck to you in your recovery (fron the toe and the depression) and keep checking back in here.

Good idea-probably better to look at January or February instead of December.

Yesterday was an incredibly difficult day...I guess this injury is triggering some things. 

Today, I woke up with a migraine...ugh!  But, I do have a friend coming over this afternoon...so that is something I can look forward to.

Nichi