Bad Children, Bad Parents (Page 4)

In my ideal world (since I don't have kids right now).  If Nan was a stay at home mom, when I got home, it would be Dad and kids time.  Mom can get away and relax, decompress, run, pick her nose, etc.

It just frustrates me SOOO much that not only do men take the "that's her job" role, but that women let them take that road.  I know I'm being general here, but I had to get that off my chest.

And good on you Surfwallace!!

My brother-in-law is a "when I wanna be" father.  It drives the rest of the family crazy...He works an odd schedule so will often have 3 days off in a row...during the 3 days off...he goes to his garage with his buddies and drinks beer, or goes out with his buddies and drinks beer.  Every once in a while he decides to be a dad and will take the kids to do something fun.  He NEVER does any of the work part.  The effect is...Dad=fun  Mom=work....its really sad, my sister puts so much work into giving them a good life and play dates and parties and crafts...and because Dad takes them Mtn Biking, he's a hero.  They don't mention that he leaves them alone when he is Mtn biking...twice now the forrest ranger around where they lived has had to bring them home because they got "separated" from their father...

(rant over)

As a parent of a preschooler, I can relate to unruly kids. However, I am in the camp that says either we leave a place if he goes bonkers or we just don't go there if at all possible until he learns to control himself or behave.

I also would gladly welcome the wrath of a stranger !!!  In this day and age of litigious scandal with folks suing left and right, it's a shame people do NOT get involved and step forward to say something. Sometimes, I can say NO til I'm blue in the face- ie. "Don't kick the chair in front of you on the plane because the nice man won't like being 'kicked' in the back" etc... And my kid looks at me like 'Yeah, right" but if that nice man turns around and barks at my kid --- Yahoooo! It's unlikely my kid will continue! Ok, so maybe not bark right off the bat, but a little reinforcement would be great. If someone hears a parent trying to control kids, why not jump in and say Mind Daddy or Mommy or if you don't, strangers may bite your butt (well, you know what I mean).

that is pure gold!!!

When I worked in retail, a couple of times I would have parents ask me to do this. They'd be telling their kid not to climb here there or wherever, and the kid wasn't listening, so they would come to me and slyly ask me to do the same. The first couple of times I felt very uncomfortable with disclipling someone elses kid, but after awhile I was more than happy to. And, you're right -- kids who had been tuning out their moms for 15 mintues would stop the minute a stranger said something. Well,a ctually, they'd look to Mom for reinforcement (like, "Mommy! Stranger is being mean to me!" and when not getting it, they'd shape right up.

Me too. On a couple of occasions I have put down what I was going to buy and left when my daughter had a tantrum and I couldn't calm her. There are times when there's nothing else I can do. That is not the same as not paying attention at all like in the OP.

Not trying to start a fight because I'm not disagreeing with you post at all.  Your story relates a good example of how to handle that situation, but it is very different from runningwoof's OP and I think that should be pointed out. 

There is a world of difference between bawling babies, tantrumming toddlers and kids behaving inappropriately.  All three are different situations that should be handled differently.  I love it when my kids act wild and silly on the trampoline in the backyard or in their play area in the house.  If they can't behave like civilized kids in a store around other people then they don't get to be in the store and we go home where they can have some time to think about their behavior.  And then the next time they want to go to the store with Daddy there is a talk about what kind of behavior is expected of them.  I've actually been surprised what a positive effect being firm with them just once or twice can have.  We still have occassional problems, but not too often and I even catch my oldest (he's 6) stopping himself when he realizes what he's doing and what my reaction is going to be.

runningwoof - no, I don't think you over reacted at all.

Hmmm, interesting post.  I think it's one of those things that you have to not think to much about.  There are way to many factors to take into consideration, and unless you know all of them, you could be making false assumptions. 

 I have been that person behind the lady with unruley kids, and I have thought to myself, geez she needs to calm them down!  However, I happen to have two boys and I Hate  taking them to the grocery store because they act like holy terrors! (in my opinion) But then I have to keep in mind, that usually they have just been picked up from school if I end up taking them with me, because the store I shop at happens to be close to their school.  They have been sitting in a desk all day and they are ready to be a little wild, and Autumn is right, grocery stores are very stimulating to children.  Bright lights, candy and cartoon crap at their eye level, even the innocent things can excite kids.  My kids LOVE the thunder noises in the produce section.  Also, if I take both boys with me, it's always chaos, but If I only bring one, it's not so bad. (kids feed of each other's energy).  I really try to not bring them with me because I end up feeling rushed and stressed out and I'm worrying if every one is staring at my kids and thinking they are "bad children" and I must be a "bad parent".  Then recently, my husband tagged along and I had a different point of view.  He pushed the kids in the cart and I ran around grabbing groceries.  The kids were still acting  in my opinion, a little wild, but my husband was goofing off with them also and that didn't help.  I said to him "Do you see what I have to deal with when they go to the store with me?"  and he told me he thought I was over reacting and that they were just having fun.  So I looked aroud a little, while my husband  was interacting with the boys, and watched other people's reactions to them.  Most of them were smiling and seemed to enjoy watching them "be kids".  hmmm,maybe it's just that I don't like wild kids in grocery stores, no matter whose kids they are.  So I try now to be a little more open minded when I see a mom with her kids in the store.  I still try not to take my own with me, because I know I'm going to be stressed out by it, but maybe that mom is more like my husband and it doesn't bother her.  See what I mean?  Of course no kid should be doing something that would hurt them or someone else, but that's about as far as you can draw the line.  One person's perception of a "bad kid" is another's "oh boys will be boys".  Also, I have seen some kids that I normally consider to be extremely well behaved, have a complete meltdown in a public place.  any one else that saw her, may have thought "wow, what a brat" but I knew it was an extemely unusual occurance, so it kind of ammused me. 

 I know this got long, but one more thing.  As someone that has worked retail and other jobs in the service industry, I can tell you that most sales clerks could get in trouble for mentioning a child's behavior to a customer.  I would NEVER mention it, unless it was causing some sort of danger.   You can actually lose your job over something like that, so you definitely can't be mad at the sales clerk.