Depression and Moods- Check in! (Page 5)

You were very smart to get checked at least.  You are still in our thoughts and prayers.

Steve

I had to get this out there, so please pardon the mess that is about to come. For the past few days I have been in a slump, staying in bed until 2pm, not really eating, just gloomy. Today I had to go back to what I call the Psych Dr. to go over my questions on a Psych test I did for a background test. It was everything I was worried about. He explained that typically everyone is trying to maximize their positive answers while downplaying the negative, while I was the exact opposite; maximizing my negative. I was able to clarify some of the questions, because that darned test was miserable and I just couldn't follow some of the questions. I am a super paranoid person, so when someone gives me the advice for backgrounds to be as honest as possible I take that to the extreme. When asked if I had ever stolen anything I listed every paperclip, post it, and pen I took from work. So the psych test was no different. And essentially the Dr. told me that I came across naive, and that I shouldn't be answering questions this way. There was even a question that I answered true to, that zero percent answered true to that.

He asked some very sensitive questions, and of course I end up dropping a few tears (completely pissed at myself for doing that). I felt like I explained most things out to him, but to me it almost felt like excuses for myself. In the end he asked who at the agency I was dealing with, and told me "there shouldn't be any problems."  He told me I was an honest girl, a breath of fresh air, and that he liked me very much. But I just cant help but think I have screwed up any chance of a career in my field for good. I'm a little worried that my funk is going to creep up and get worse. I feel a little better getting this out, but I am just worried. If you need me I will be in a supermarket with my OCD organizing the freezer section...sigh

Oh, and I am very sorry for changing the topic. Mman, I send you all my best thoughts and wishes. And coming from someone who has lost someone to cancer, and have had many more battling it, anything I can do to help. My boyfriend's mother battled/battling breast cancer would wear a pin her daughter made her that said "fcuk this cancer " granted the first and last words were something different, but we all loved those pins. I'll gladly send some, or a toned down version you way. 

Pepperee, be careful of letting the funk and paranoia get the best of you here. the doc said you were a breath of fresh air and should not have a problem. So you answered differently than most. That's good because you answered honestly. Try to see the positives - they are there even in your post. As an employer, I'd much rather have someone who's honest with issues than dishonest with issues -- and everyone has some issues! ;-)

One of the things that I think leads to some of my problems - and to some extent most or all depression - is that we look at ourselves too critically. I've had to work hard over the years to acknowledge the positives in my life. If I couldn't do that, what I'm going through would have caused me to cash in a long time ago. Right now, the only difference between my family and those on Extreme Home Makeover is that I don't live in a run down house. Other than that, we'd qualify for the show. The only thing that has kept me in the game (mentally) is recognizing my strengths: strong character, I can get through this, solid kids, great friends. If I began to list the areas where I'm critical or fearful, this would be a much longer post. When all else around me is crumbing, those are the things I have to remind myself of.

Find one positive and repeat it over and over all day. Even if it's just, "There are people on BT who understand and care."

Hang in there! 

Everything you have said is GREAT advise but those things I have placed in bold are things that I have to deal with and mean so much to me to hear.  You are going through things that most of us would cave in with and yet you find the time to come here and offer great advise to others that are struggling.

Thank you.

 Steve

CT,

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. while none are that close, through BT and YoungCancerSpouses.org's forums I have many close friends I've never met. When we lose a spouse on the YCS forums, I grieve for my friends losses even though I didn't know them or their spouse. My heart aches for you too.

Grieving is normal. Allow yourself to go through the process. And carry on. I'm sure your friend would've wanted that. To stay motivated, why don't you use your next race to raise money for the American Heart Association in his honor. I hold a triathlon in honor of my wife (see my signature) and it is the most fulfilling, life giving thing I can do.

gir' - 2008-06-03 12:02 PM So my dad showed me this link and told me i should take some time to read over some of the posts, so i did.. and now i would like to share my problem and ask for any advice that anyone has. I have worked very hard over the past few months to act happy around every one when inside I am so run down and broken. I stopped working out a long time ago because i got sick for a few months and lost a lot of weight, i also have horrible back pain that has also stopped me from having any kind of exercise, i want to get back into training so that i can one day participate in a triathlon with my dad. the problem is, although i have gotten back to a healthy weight, i cannot seem to motivate myself to get up and do even simple things such as going out for a walk. i take my chihuahua for walks but they only last long enough for her to do her business. i was diagnosed with severe depression when i was a freshman in high school, with the help of my parents i was treated medicinally and with therapy, i weaned myself off of the medicine the summer before my senior year and considered myself normal. i suppose that one could say i have relapsed to the way i used to be. It only took about a year for me to fall back into my sad little hole that took years to crawl out of. I don't want to be on more medicine, i want less medicine. I don't want a therapist picking apart everything i do like my old one did.. i just want to feel better and i know that exercise can help, does anyone have any advice on ways to motivate myself to just get out and begin my training again?

Welcome to BT and to the group. One thing that I've found helps with my energy (not necessarily motivation) is to take a B Complex vitamin. I take a Performance Multi-vitamin but that doesn't do what a B Complex does. With more energy, I'm more motivated to do the stuff I need too. Depression can zap the energy from you, so you might try this. Also, supposedly fish oil supplements help with depression and help burn fat. So you might consider adding that to your diet as well. You've got nothing to lose. 

As far as motivation, find a race, fun run or something to sign up for then train for that. It doesn't have to be big - just something you'd like to do. Or, go do a charity walk. The other thing I've found is when I won't do something for myself, if I do something for others it will get me moving. 

My wife was seeing a counselor one time when she was down (pre cancer - just a rough time of life). She had found a real friend in Tulsa but couldn't in Dallas. He told her that most people only have 2 or 3 real friends in their lives and guys are worse because we don't let anyone close enough to be a real friend. It sounds like you've done pretty well. I was also recently reading of a phenomenon where people think everyone else has more than they do: money, sex, drinks/week, etc. So you may be feeling like everyone else has lots of real friends but you don't. My wife has talked to other women, and none of the men have any 'real friends'. They've all got beer drinking buddies, training buddies, etc., but none that they'd call a real friend.

What you are going through is difficult. Try to not make it more difficult by thinking you are missing something everyone else has. The fact that you had him as a real friend is huge. So is the loss. Try to not let the grief destroy you. You have too much that is good in your life; a wife finishing internship, kids home for the summer, your first tri, and my ramblings ;-)